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Great Writing - Home > Non-Fiction > In search of Mr Potter (Mission Almost Impossible)
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Non-Fiction
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| In search of Mr Potter (Mission Almost Impossible) | |
| By mrsbumble | ||||||||||||||||
| 27 July 2007 | ||||||||||||||||
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An extract from my diary. Previously in short-stories.. but moved as per below.. quite right this all did happen to some greater or lesser degree, and was a nightmare of a day! Rest assured to the driving pulic.. I am safe to be around. MOST OF THE TIME. :) It was a bit waffly and long in places and I almost pruned... but didn't. am going to do a bit of an edit and see what you think of this. See the line at the bottom.. that is my original ending... and some waffle has been removed... and the memo bit at the top is not really needed is it... sure could dewaffle a bit more in the main bulk and maybe will. ta folks. pruned it now is..could anyone who previously had a look see if the pruining was worth it.. ta.x I sat bleary eyed in front of the t.v, it was my first day of a week's leave. A lack of funds meant there would be no last minute trip to Greece or Turkey, sadly. Discounting the need to tackle a pile of ironing, or walk two hyper-active dogs, I was bored already. Superstrong coffee allowed me to open my eyes and keep them open. Once accustomed to bright daylight, I looked at the t.v screen, to see Jeremy Kyle saying goodbye. A quick glance up at the clock confirmed it was 10.30 and day time t.v was about to start in earnest. A couch potatoe I would not be. My partner who was not working today either, appeared before me looking somewhat disgruntled, fully dressed, except for one sock on his right foot and holding the other in his hand, right under my nose. "Morning", I said cheerfully. A quick sniff confirmed the sock was freshly laundered. He did not speak. I took a closer look at the sock before me, it had two holes in it, one in the toe, and one in the heel. I now understood his loss of speech. "The puppy got your socks again," I confirmed. Pointing out the bleedng ovious with little remorse. "Well I did warn you not to leave anything lying around". This was the wrong thing to say. He sat down, and put on another sock, that only had a small hole in a less awkward place. "These are my last socks", he said dourly, "and don't ask me about my pants!" he snapped. I didn't. My mood had shifted from already bored, to slightly annoyed at somehow being party to a deliquent Springer Spaniel pup's destruction of property. Enough. I got up made another cup of the, ''Refreshlingly zinging", coffee, it being my 3rd and took it upstairs. Whilst on the lavatory I'd had one my ''Eureka'', moments, and decided I would just nip into a shop, any supermarket would do and get Harry Potter. I used to pre-order, but I remembered that the last book had been readily available in vast quantities at Tesco's, and had wondered why there was such a panic. There was an hour or so before my dentist appoint, so would do it then. It was a lovely day outside, sunny and warm enough not to need a jacket, it was decided. From the bedroom window I saw the rain. Big rain. The kind that soaks you just by looking at it. Was that hail stones as well? It was. The wind was blowing through the willow tree, that had been misplanted in the boarder, it was smashing against next door's fence. I would chop it back when it stopped raining. After all I had a week. I took off my sandals and found my trainers, an intact pair of socks allowing myself a smug smile, I changed my footwear. Bag check, purse, check, car-keys, check. I was ready. Pulling on a waterproof jacket I went into the lounge and annouced. "Just nipping out, dentist, then Harry Potter!" My grumpy beloved who was now on his breakfast, a cup of tea and a cigarette, sat looking miserably at the rain, he muttered, "Co-op, £9.00, loads of them." "You sure? Cos I can just nip to Tesco's I know they have them", I replied. "Sure, I almost picked you one up", he replied smiling. For a moment I was touched, then asked, "Almost?" "Yeah, but don't you normally pre-order it?" No matter, he said the Co-op had it, and it was only 5 seconds down the road. Excellent. looking at the back garden, which was by now under 2" of water, I decided to go out the front door. It was only rain. I opened the door, wind blew a splash of water in my face, undeterred I stepped outside, straight into a puddle by the front door. My jeans that were the sort of flared ones, and too long for my very short, fat legs, soaked up the contents of the puddle. Still undeterred I set forth. My trainers leaked. They never used to. So now I had wet feet and ankles, still I marched on. In the car I put on the heater, and directed all heat towards my feet. Wipers set to warp 9, and the de-mister turned on, I was off down the road, with Ken Bruce for company. The Co-op was not far, just a short trip down the road, right at the round about, and pull in the lay by. Road works, and even grumpier looking men than my partner, dressed in waterproofs stood in puddles with 'STOP', and 'GO' flip around signs. Ken was half way through his quiz, so immersed in it I failed to spot the man flip his sign to 'Go', and was beeped by the mile of traffic behind me. I came to, and tried to drive off, I was in 2nd gear, and it was not happening. I chuddered, and almost came to a halt, but caught it, in first gear, I tried to move off again, my hand brake was still on. I quickly yanked it, and bunny hopped along, only to allow myself and 4 cars throught the road works before the sign was turned round again. I felt the wrath of the other drivers, cheated by my incomptenence. I said sorry and hoped they knew I meant it. The roundabout was less of a problem, but it was flooded, so I had to cut accross the outside lane, and nip quickly back into the right one, assuming others would follow suit, they were braving the water, and anxious to get past me. Luckily we did not collide as I rejoined them in the 2nd exit. I saw the layby, having asked the car-parking angels for a large space, I was not disappointed, and pulled into a very large spot. I had 48 minutes until my appointment. It was still raining. I had however managed a superb parallel park and was happy. My hood. Ah the hood. The jacket was a very trendy not quite 'Barber', but similar waterproof that dried within minutes of being indoors. But it had a hood so large and wide I had no peripheral vision, so had to hold the sides back to see where I was going. Sometimes I don't and just march forwards preferring to stay dry. Today was such a day. Avoiding the puddle by the car door, I stepped neatly out of the car shutting the door deftly behind me. I marched straight into an old lady driving along in her mobility vehicle at 20mph. "Ouch!" I shouted, clutching my throbbing ankle, "look where you are going!" and limped onwards. Sat their like an evil little dalek, in her transparant top to toe waterproofs, holding an umbrella over her head, steering with one hand, she said, "Same could be said for you! Bloody Hoodies!" Me a hoodie, I laughed, I am 40 years old, listen to Radio 2, walk dogs in the park, drive an estate car, (maroon), and read for pleasure. I watched her park her dalek-mobile outside the shop, should I wait, no. Would a Hoodie be scared? Then not I. I hobbled into the shop, and looked for the stand where the books were, for a bargain £9.00. I could not see it. "Harry Potter?", I asked the assistant, sounding not unlike a school teacher taking the register. "Sold out!" she replied. Was she smiling? I managed a wane smile in return. The old lady was now at the till, "Should have ordered a copy", she advised. I went back to my car. Carefully walking along, dodging old people and children, soaking my face, due to my hood not being fully functional. I had to go to the dentist now, time was not on my side. I drove on moodily, not even Mika singing joyfully about 'Big girls', being beautiful cheered me up. He is pencil slim, and probably dates a model. In the dentist surgery waiting room I dripped at the desk, but not for long, the self-drying magical coat steamed away. "I've got one of those", the fashionably dressed young receptionist quipped, what do you know I was trendy and a Hoodie, "except it's full length", she added, eyeing my drenched lower legs. I sat down and counted how many fish were still alive in the fish tank, 2, last month their had been 5, just who was looking after them? One day I would ask, sure my interest would prompt better animal welfare. A boy aged about 10 appeared next to me, his mother took something out of his bag, "Here you go", she said. I noticed it was Harry Potter. Catching me looking she raised her eyebrows and smiled, "Won't put it down, gripped!" I smiled bag, kids eh. I managed to deal with my teeth being filled more bravely than usual, perhaps because my mind was focused on this mission. Mouth numb I left, and was pleased to find it was now just drizzly. I headed to Asda, it was close by. I needed pain killers for my leg, and knew they were selling the book for £5.00. Just where my literary morals lay at this point, I won't discuss, but I just wanted the book. After a somewhat stop-start yet uneventful journey to Asda, in torrential weather, I found myself in the queue for the carpark. I was now enjoying Jeremy Vine, me the 'Hoodie'. I watched traffic lights change, some cars go, and prayed to get into the carpark. Most sensible folk would have taken this as a sign that the carpark would be full. I was just not being sensible. I waited and tutted at the silly woman arguing with Jeremy, then he played Mika again, it being the featured song of the day. I caught my face in the rearview mirror, I had not put make up on thinking it would not matter, after all I was only going to the dentist, and then the shops. How wrong could I be, my sunken eyes looked like two eskimo toilets in the snow, my nose had a spot coming and was distorted in it's shape. My mouth although numb was slightly swollen. Make-up? I needed a make-over. I turned the radio off at the words, 'diet coke and pizza'. I would also get some slimming meals whilst I was here. Did rainwater add pounds to your body? Ta dah! the car park.. it was like arriving on holiday. Now all I had to do was find a parking space, and I had forgotten to ask my parking angel. There was one space everyone else kept driving past, it was a bit tight, next to a 4x4, but with a little skill it could be done. Twenty minutes later. I was parked at the oddest angle almost touching the sad looking sapling. 'Soddit', I declared as I got out. I found my purse, took out some change and was in a short queue of people trying to put money in the machine. My patience at an all time low, I looked for another machine, headed for it blindly. I found the biggest puddle ever. My newly dried jeans and trainers were wet through again. I got my ticket. Triumphantly I entered the store. That book beckoned. I could almost see it, smell it, taste it. After an age of searching, looking like a mad woman in an oversized copy of a Barber Jacket with wet jeans, squishing as she limped slightly, I approached a member of staff. He was obviously working there for the holidays, and his heart was not in his work as he priced up tins of Barbiie Pasta Shapes. He did not hear my polite, "Excuse me", or the little cough I added for impact. I tapped him on the shoulder, sending him 4 feet in the air, "Sorry I've got my i-pod on, don't let anyone know," he grinned. He was actually very good looking, and if I were 20 years younger, who knows. He used his wicked charm on me to allow me to forgive him. I was not even that annoyed at first when he rolled his eyes, saying, "We didn't get it delivered", in reply to my question, "Where is Harry Potter?" He even explained that there had been a dispute over the store's intention to sell it at £5.00. He was very sorry. He convinced me he was sorry, "Tesco's stock it, " he said, and sensing I was a woman on the edge, took my hand, "honestly, my girlfriend works there, she said they've got loads there". One day that boy would be a politician, I noted the name on his badge. I got my painkillers, and diet meals and left. Half an hour later, I found myself in Tesco's. I had this time spoken to the relevant parking authorities in heaven, they had obliged. No people or trees were at risk of injury, but I was hungry, and needed a pee. I looked at the time, I'd been shopping now for almost 3 hours, 3 hours for one book. I'd given up on less traumatic Christmas shopping outings. I walked through the hail and wind that had returned, feeling damp, fat, and hungry, 'Big Girlsyou are beautiful', ran around my head, and the injection was wearing off. My gums were sore, I needed pain killers. Was that blood dripping down my chin? Hastily I wiped the blood away. Then as I stood in the entrance, just like Mecca, The Holy Grail, and other such wonders, I saw them. Harry Potter books, piles and piles of them. Only £10.00. Ordinarily I would have dithered over whether I got the children's cover or the adult, I just grabbed a children's one, headed for the check out, limpy still a little. Mission accomplished.
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