INT. BASEMENT ROOM - EVENING

          A grimy, unkempt, windowless, airless basement room. Part storeroom,
          part junk room and part staffroom, lit by a single strip light.

          In the centre of the room is a small, Formica topped, table surrounded
          by five stacking chairs.

          An overflowing bin, an old fridge,
          a set of tatty kitchen units and a filthy sink serve as the
          staff kitchen.

          There are dirty mugs and plates in the sink and on the
          table. A kettle and a toaster stand on top of the fridge,
          along with empty UHT milk cartons and a saucer piled high
          with used teabags.

          Along one wall is a set of industrial metal shelves, piled high
          with bottles and cans of cleaning products, starched white
          tablecloths, napkins, trays of glasses and unidentified
          battered boxes. Against the other walls are crates of empty
          lager, beer and wine bottles and several large folding
          tables.

          STUART, mid-twenties, is seated so that his back is to the door
          and kitchen area. He is wearing a cheap, white, short
          sleeved shirt, the top button of which is undone. A black
          clip-on bow-tie hangs from one side of the collar. He also
          wears a pair of black trousers and black, scuffed shoes.

          He lights a cigarette and pulls an ashtray full of dog ends
          towards him. He picks up a hard back copy of "The Da Vinci
          Code." finds his place and begins to read. He laughs to
          himself, flicks back a page, reads, smiles and then returns
          to the page he was reading.

          JACK enters. He looks as though he is in his late sixties,
          but he could be older. He wears an old sheep skin coat, underneath
          which he is wearing a crisp, long sleeved, white shirt,
          black bow-tie, black trousers and highly polished black
          shoes.

                              JACK
                    Evenin' Johnny. It's a raw one
                    alright. It'll come on to snow I
                    shouldn't wonder.

          Jack waits for a reaction from Stuart. There is none.

                              JACK                             
                    Good evenin' Jack and how's
                    yourself? -- I'm not three bad Johnny
                    and you? -- Fine Jack, fine.

          Stuart does not react.
 
                              JACK
                         (taking off and hanging up
                         overcoat)                             
                    Did you know Himself is looking for
                    you. Just seen him in the back
                    corridor. He says I'm to tell you
                    if I see you. He says to me, he
                    says 'Have you seen him?' so I says
                    'No.' Well, I hadn't had I? Hadn't
                    seen you, not till just now. Then
                    he says, 'If you see him tell him
                    I'm looking for him.'
                    So there you go, I've told you that
                    Himself is looking for you. So now
                    you know. If he asks you can tell
                    him that I told you.

          Jack picks up the kettle and starts to fill it. He struggles to
          get it under the tap in the full sink.

                              JACK
                    Do you want one? -- Mind you I said
                    to myself, when he asked me if I'd
                    seen you, I said to myself, 'I bet
                    I know where he is.' But that
                    wasn't what he asked me, he asked
                    me if I'd seen you. If he had said
                    'Do you know where he might be?' I
                    would have said something, cause I
                    thought to myself, I thought I bet
                    I know where he'll be, and do you
                    know what? I was right, here you
                    are.
                         (plugging in kettle)
                    So, do you want one? If you do
                    you'll have to find a mug. Have you
                    got a mug? If not you'll need to
                    wash one. No one ever washes up in this
                    place. I suppose their mums do it
                    all for them at home.
                    Are you not going to go and look
                    for him then? It didn't sound
                    urgent but it might be important.
                    It'll be about tonight I shouldn't wonder.
                    About the Big Room. Have you seen
                    the Big Room? We're going to have
                    our work cut out. I poked my head
                    round on the way down and I reckon
                    we're looking at nearly one hundred
                    and fifty and there's only six of
                    us on.
                          (looking over Stuart's
                         shoulder)
                    It's a good book then. Always got
                    your head buried in a book. -- I
                    said, you've always-
                         (noticing the earphones)
                    How do you young'uns do that,
                    listening to music and reading at
                    the same time? My lad would do it.
                    He'd lie on his stomach in front of
                    the telly, Top of the Pops blaring away,
                    doing his homework -- One of them
                    iPod things is it?

          Jack moves to the shelves. He watches Stuart, being careful to
          keep out of his eye line.

                              JACK
                    That's surprised you hasn't it. Bet
                    you didn't think I'd know about
                    iPods did you. Well, I've got a
                    grandkid you know. I like to keep
                    up with these sort of things.
                         (Taking a mug from its hiding
                         place)
                    I sent him one for his birthday.
                         (taking a bottle of whisky
                         from its hiding place)
                    Loves it his mum says. Plays his
                    music on it.

          Keeping one eye on Stuart he pours himself a large whisky, takes
          a slug from the bottle and then returns the bottle to its
          hiding place.

                              JACK
                    Plays videos as well. His mum says
                    he takes it everywhere.

          Jack returns to the kitchen area and begins to search the work
          top and cupboards.

                              JACK                   
                    She says he's always listening to
                    it. Apparently you can get stuff
                    off the computer for it.
                    Why are there never any teabags in
                    this place? We all chip in to the
                    tea-boat and yet there are never
                    any teabags, or milk.
                          (finding a box of teabags in a
                         cupboard a drops a teabag in
                         to his mug.)
                    Have you got a mug?

          Jack feels the kettle.

                              JACK
                    What the...? It's not even warm.
                    Does anything in this place work?
                    It'll be the fuse again. There's
                    something wrong with the electrics
                    in this place, fuses are always
                    going. There was a client, the
                    other night, I heard him say, he
                    says 'Me telly's not working.' And
                    that young lass behind the desk she
                    goes, 'Well, it's probably a fuse.'

          Jack unplugs the kettle and begins to fiddle with the plug.

                              JACK
                    I'll pop to maintenance. They'll
                    have a spare. Wonder what size it
                    is. Have you a screwdriver?

          Stuart does not react. Jack tries to unscrew the plug, first with
          a teaspoon, then with a fork and then with a knife.

                              JACK
                    If you've a little pen-knife that
                    would do the trick.
                         (fiddling with the plug.)
                    I suppose I could get a new kettle
                    from housekeeping, they must have
                    spares. Perhaps they have spare
                    leads. It'd make sense to have
                    spare leads.
                    There'll be trouble what ever way.
                    If I try and replace the fuse
                    me-self there'll be half a dozen
                    forms to fill out. What do they
                    call it? 'Risk assessment.' You
                    can't do anything now without
                    filling out a load of forms and-
                         (stabbing himself in the hand
                         with a fork.)
                    Bollocks, buggery and bastards.
                          (inspecting his hand.)
                    That'll be one for the accident
                    book. More forms, more paper work.
                    It's all to cover their own backs.
                         (wrapping handkerchief around
                         hand)
                    They don't give a monkey's about us
                    you know, they just don't want to
                    get themselves sued.

          Jack crosses to shelves and starts to rummage about.

                              JACK
                    That's why Himself is so hot on all
                    that form filling and wet floor
                    signs and stuff. He don't want some client
                    coming along and suing cause
                    they've slipped on a wet floor or
                    tripped over a rug.
                    Where the hell is the First-Aid
                    Box? I know we've got one. We have
                    to have one. We have to by law
                    don't we? They have to supply us
                    with stuff like that don't they?

          Jack starts to pull boxes forward on a higher shelf. Metal
          aerosol cans tumble to the floor.

                              STUART
                         (slamming down book)                             
                    For fuck's sake.

          Stuart stands and crosses to shelves.

                              STUART
                    Here.
                         (taking First Aid box from the
                         bottom shelf)
                    Do you ever shut up? Do you have to
                    voice every single thought in your
                    head?

                              JACK
                    Well, I...

                              STUART
                    Let's have a look.

          Jack joins Stuart at the table. He holds out his injured hand.
          Stuart unwraps the hand, he inspects the wound and then sets
          about cleaning it and dressing it. He moves quickly and
          efficiently.
 
                              STUART
                    There.

                              JACK
                         (Inspecting Stuarts work.)
                    You've done that before.

                              STUART
                    Registered First-Aider.

                              JACK
                    You?

                              STUART
                    Yes, me.

                              JACK
                    You've done the course?

                              STUART
                    You sound surprised.

                              JACK
                    Never had you down as one of life's
                    volunteers.

          Jack begins to fiddle with the plug again.

                              STUART
                    Three day course with expenses and
                    an extra seventy-five pence a week
                    in the pay packet. I'd have been a
                    fool not to have volunteered.

                              JACK
                    Did you know the kettle's bust? I
                    think it's the fuse.

          Stuart crosses to join Jack.

                              STUART
                    It's not the fuse. It's the wrong
                    plug you stupid old-

          Stuart takes the plug off Jack and picks another up off the top
          of the fridge.

                              STUART
                    This is the plug for the kettle.
                    The one you've been fiddling with
                    is for the toaster.

          Stuart plugs in the kettle and then returns to the table
 
          Jack picks up the plug he has been fiddling with and follows the
          lead down to the toaster. He nods his head.

                              JACK
                    Do you want one then?

                              STUART
                    What? Yeah, go on then.

                              JACK
                    Have you a mug then?

                              STUART
                    Third shelf, box marked napkins.
                    You can stick some of that scotch
                    in it as well.

                              JACK
                    Scotch?

          Stuart shoots Jack a look.

          Jack Finds Stuarts mug and pours some whisky in to it.

                              STUART
                    Come on -- it's Christmas.

          JACK pours a drop more in to the mug.

                              STUART
                    That's more like it.

                              JACK
                         (putting bottle away)
                    This is my pension you're drinking
                    here.

                              STUART
                    Is it bollocks. You nicked that
                    from the bar.

                              JACK
                    I did not. I've never stolen
                    anything in my life.

                              STUART
                    Never?

                              JACK
                    Never -- I've done a lot of things-

                              STUART
                    Well you've been around along time-
 
                              JACK
                    I've done a lot of things, some
                    which I'm not proud of, but I have
                    never stole. Never.

                              STUART
                    Alright, so Wesley pinched it and
                    you 'acquired' it from him. Same
                    difference.

                              JACK
                    I don't steal -- He sometimes
                    has... overs-

                              STUART
                    Overs? It's a bottle of scotch not
                    an extra few portions of chicken
                    tikka-

                              JACK
                    He has overs and he has to get rid-

                              STUART
                    So as a favour you very kindly take
                    it off his hands.

                              JACK
                    Aye.

                              STUART
                    Just so that he don't get in
                    trouble.

                              JACK
                    Right.

                              STUART
                    You're all heart you are Jack. All
                    heart.

                              JACK
                    I try to do my best by people
                    Johnny.

                              STUART
                    Why do you do that?

                              JACK
                         (dropping a teabag into
                         Stuart's mug)
                    Do what Johnny?

                              STUART
                    That.
 
                              JACK
                    What?

                              STUART
                    Call me Johnny.

                              JACK
                    What else would I call you?

                              STUART
                    Stuart.

                              JACK
                    Why would I call you Stuart?

                              STUART
                    Because that's my name.

                              JACK
                    No one told me. When did you change
                    it?

          The kettle boils.

                              STUART
                    I haven't.

                              JACK
                    Have you not?

                              STUART
                    No.

                              JACK
                         (pouring water in to the mugs)
                    Are you sure?

                              STUART
                    Of course I'm fucking sure.

                              JACK
                    So why do you call yourself Johnny?

                              STUART
                    I never call myself Johnny. You, on
                    the other hand, for some reason
                    only known to yourself, and perhaps
                    your therapist, have always called
                    me Johnny.

                              JACK
                    Because you said you said that was
                    your name.
 
                              STUART
                    When? When did I say my name was
                    Johnny?

                              JACK
                    When we first met. I remember, I
                    was in the conference suit laying
                    out chairs and Himself bought you
                    in and told you to lend me a hand.
                    I introduced myself, offered you a
                    cigarette and you said your name
                    was Johnny.

                              STUART
                    That wasn't me.

                              JACK
                    Was it not?

                              STUART
                    No.

                              JACK
                         (beat)
                    Who was that then?

                              STUART
                    I should imagine it was a lad
                    called Johnny.

                              JACK
                    And you're sure it wasn't you?

                              STUART
                    Yes -- The first time I met you it
                    was a Rotary Night. We had to take
                    in the coffees. You got a right
                    bollocking from the head Pooh-Bah,
                    or whatever they call him, because
                    you came crashing through the doors
                    during the loyal toast or
                    something.

                              JACK
                         (pouring milk)                             
                    That where a good few year ago.

                              STUART
                    Ten.

                              JACK
                         (sugaring teas etc)                             
                    Ten?

                              STUART
                    Ten.
 
                              JACK
                    You were a skinny little whelp in
                    those days. You used to remind me
                    of a baby giraffe.
                         (taking teas over to table)
                    All arms and legs.

                              STUART
                    I was sixteen.

                              JACK
                    Have we any biscuits?

                              STUART
                    Top but one shelf, behind the
                    Bleach.

                              JACK
                    First job?

          Jack retrieves a battered tin.

                              STUART
                    Sort of.
                    I'd had a paper round but then I
                    started doing me A's and a mate said
                    this was easy money.

          Jack returns to the table and sits.

                              STUART
                    Well, easier than getting up at six
                    in the morning and tramping about
                    in all weathers.

                              JACK
                    It does have that advantage.You're indoors
                    and warm.

                              STUART
                    And dry.

                              JACK
                    Aye, dry.

          They fall in to silence.

          Stuart takes a biscuit from the tin, he inspects it, dunks
          it and begins to eat it.

          Jack selects a biscuit and begins to eat it.

                              JACK
                         (munching biscuit)                             
                    How old are you?
 
                              STUART
                    Sorry?

                              JACK
                         (clearing mouth)                             
                    How old are you?

                              STUART
                    Does it matter?

                              JACK
                    Probably not. It probably doesn't
                    matter at all. I was just wondering
                    how old you are.

                              STUART
                    Twenty-seven -- Twenty-seven last
                    Tuesday.

                              JACK
                    Last Tuesday?
                         (raising mug)
                    Well many happy returns for last
                    Tuesday.

                              STUART
                    Cheers.

          They clink mugs and then fall into silence.

          Jack carefully selects another biscuit.

                              JACK
                    Is that why you wanted to swap
                    shifts?

          Stuart nods.

                              JACK
                    Did you find some one?

                              STUART
                    Eventually.

                              JACK
                    I would have done it, swapped with
                    you like, but I had arrangements.

                              STUART
                    It was fine. It all worked out
                    fine.

                              JACK
                    Who did you get in the end?
 
                              STUART
                    Bill.

                              JACK
                    Billl? Which one is Bill?

                              STUART
                    Glasses and beard. Well, I say
                    beard, more of a sort of scraggy,
                    goatee thing.

                              JACK
                    Like that fella with the dog.

                              STUART
                    fella with the dog?

                              JACK
                    On the telly. Skinny bloke with
                    goatee and a talking dog.

                              STUART
                    Scooby Doo?

                              JACK
                    That's the one. He looks like
                    Scooby Doo.

                              STUART
                    Shaggy.

                              JACK
                    Shaggy?

                              STUART
                    Yes, Shaggy. Scooby Doo is the dog.
                    Shaggy is the fella.

                              JACK
                    With the little beard?

                              STUART
                    Yes.

                              JACK
                    Right, and this Bill fella looks
                    like him?

                              STUART
                    If you like.

                              JACK
                    Did you do anything special?

                              STUART
                    Not really, we just went for a
                    meal.
 
                              JACK
                    That's nice. Just the two of you
                    was it? You and -- what's here name
                    now?

                              STUART
                    Julie.

                              JACK
                    That's right, Julie. Nice little
                    romantic meal for two was it?

                              STUART
                    No -- we went with a couple of
                    friends.

                              JACK
                    From here?

                              STUART
                    Good god no.

                              JACK
                    Old Uni mates eh?

                              STUART
                    No, Julie's work friends. Another couple,
                    Samantha and Andy. Julie thinks we
                    ought to start going out a bit
                    more, with other couples.

                              JACK
                    That's nice. Sounds like a good
                    evening.

                              STUART
                    Oh yeah, riveting. I like nothing
                    better than to spend my birthday
                    listening to three people waffle on
                    about sales targets, market expectations
                    and core values.

          Jack carefully selects a biscuit.

                              JACK
                    Did you go anywhere nice?

                              STUART
                    The Blue Prince.

                              JACK
                    Blue Prince? Where's that then?

                              STUART
                    The Indian on Dagmar Street.
 
                              JACK
                    There ain't an Indian on Dagmar
                    Street.

                              STUART
                    There is and I should know, I spent
                    three hours in there listening to
                    ambitious Andy explain Through
                    Sales.

          Jack studies his biscuit.

                              JACK
                    Whereabouts?

                              STUART
                    Just up past that Christian
                    bookshop.

                              JACK
                    Before you get to Turners?

                              STUART
                    No, you're coming from the wrong
                    direction, it's after that.

                              JACK
                    After that?
                         (beat)
                    That's the DIY shop.

                              STUART
                    That's right. Well it was. It's an
                    Indian now.

                              JACK
                    So what's happened to the DIY shop?

                              STUART
                    Gone.

                              JACK
                    Gone? Gone where?

                              STUART
                    Gone nowhere. He sold up, retired.

                              JACK
                    Retired? No. Terry Weston retired.
                    He can't have been much older than
                    me.

                              STUART
                    But what are you, eighty?
 
                              JACK
                    You cheeky bastard. I'm... I'm...
                    I'm not that old. Anyway age is all
                    a state of mind.

                              STUART
                    You're only as old as the woman you
                    feel eh Jack?

                              JACK
                    Sod off -- By the time I was your
                    age I'd seen the world and got a
                    kid on the way.

                              STUART
                    Army?

                              JACK
                    No... no... Merchant Navy, I was a
                    steward on the cruise liners.

                              STUART
                    A girl in every port. You lucky
                    dog.

                              JACK
                    No, nothing like that. There was
                    only one woman for me.

                              STUART
                    Why did you give it up?

                              JACK
                    I came back from four months at sea
                    to find her pregnant.

                              STUART
                    I bet that was a nice surprise.

                              JACK
                    It was a surprise alright. She was
                    only three months gone.

                              STUART
                    Oh. You told her where to get off,
                    I hope.

                              JACK
                    No... no. I loved her. Married her.
                    Brought the kid up as me own. Some
                    of me family asked questions but we
                    told them he was premature. I don't
                    know if they believed us or not. I
                    didn't really care.
 
                              STUART
                    There's not many blokes would do
                    that.

                              JACK
                    Aye, well...

          They fall into silence.

                              STUART
                    Does he -- know?

          Jack stands and fetches the bottle of whisky.

                              JACK
                    When he turned fourteen he started
                    getting in to trouble. Being
                    brought home by the police that
                    sort of thing. Nothing too serious,
                    but you know teenagers.
                         (pouring whisky for them both)
                    We had a big row; I said some
                    things I shouldn't of. Said some
                    things I regret now. After that we sort
                    of drifted apart. Things got worse
                    after his mother died.
                         (he drinks)
                    His wife, Mandy, she keeps in touch
                    with me, sends photos of little
                    Danny, that's me grandkid, lets me
                    know what they're all up to. She's
                    a good lass.
                         (beat)
                    Hark at me; anyone would think this
                    was the bloody Jeremy Kyle Show.

          Jack stands and crosses to the kettle.

                              JACK
                    Do you want another?

                              STUART
                    No, I'm fine.

                              JACK
                         (filling the kettle)
                    Have you eaten?

          Stuart nods.

                              JACK
                    What did you have?
 
                              STUART
                    Sandwich, cheese and pickle.

                              JACK
                    Home-made?

                              STUART
                    Bought.

                              JACK
                    No wonder you never have no money.
                    What did they charge you, a couple
                    of quid I bet?

                              STUART
                    One sixty.

                              JACK
                    One sixty? One sixty for a cheese
                    and pickle sandwich? They saw you
                    coming. If you're gonna have a
                    sandwich your best off making
                         (drops teabag into mug)
                    You're going to need more than a sandwich
            &nb