Astraviral Technologies [14 of 14]

[Wolf's Rain]

removed

[Wolf's Rain]

I just read the first review, and I've realized I have a lot of rewriting to do. I'm trying so hard to finish this story and move on, but it just won't die! Oh God, kill me now.

[Meredith Whittaker]

Hi Wolf's Rain

'I'm trying so hard to finish this story and move on, but it just won't die!'
Interesting turn of phrase for a zombie story!
I don't have time to read much tonight but I will get through the other pieces over the next few days. Sorry if my comments have thrown you into despair, I am really enjoying the story and have been looking forward to these updates. Let me know if you want me to 'keep it zipped'

MW

[Wolf's Rain]

No, your comments are much appreciated. Let me explain: I have all these stillborn stories that will never come to fruition because Astraviral Technologies is hogging up all of my time.

Your comments are helping me speed up the editing process, so by all means keep the feedback coming! They're greasing the wheels and speeding things up!

[Meredith Whittaker]

Hello again

I'm working my way through the chapters and will post some comments over the next few days. But I seem to be missing a piece. 7/14 seems to be missing. Is this intentional?

MW

[Wolf's Rain]

1. Chapter seven is "Death Dealers," the prom story with Carrie.

2. I'll acknowledge each of your critiques with a response on Friday. They've brought up issues I was unaware of; that's a good thing!

3. I can post a one paragraph summary of part one if your interested.

4. The ending is too rushed/underdeveloped, though it will probably take months to rewrite. Consider chapters 13 and 14 the ending, but keep in mind that I am very unhappy with them as they currently stand.

[Meredith Whittaker]

Hi Wolf's Rain

Sorry, I should have realised that the 'missing' part was the Carrie incident; with the unfortunate, burly boyfriend

I would be very interested to read your summary of part one, if you're happy to post it here. I'll pass on my thoughts on the final three over the next few days (bearing in mind how you feel about them of course).

All the best
MW

[Meredith Whittaker]

And... Hello again

This is a good final battle and so nice to see it fought out between two undead females Once again, I realise that you wish to put further work into the ending of this story so I'll just pass on general comments.

I liked the change in Sarah from running scared to taking control, with the help of Promethia, and I like the way that this made a definite turn half way through the count down. I'm not too sure what Lou Ann was counting down to though or why she suggested that Sarah try the second floor. Had she envisioned cornering and killing Sarah upstairs? A twisted game of hide and seek perhaps?

'Lou Ann kneeled (knelt) beside Bob and scooped a handful of runny brains from his skull. She swallowed the gruel and smacked her lips. “Tastes like chicken.”' I liked this, very nice!

'Sarah watched as her roommate twitched on the concrete walkway below.' The fact that they were room mates could have been brought up a while ago. Maybe when Lou Ann came to the house at the power failure.

Nice ending, great to see Sarah consumed by the virus and giving herself over to the power it gives her. I'm so happy to see that the new strain can't be given the 'beauty treatment' by Eden and the human race is doomed!

Well done for getting this far. I know you feel as though you're 'burdened' with this tale but I think you'll pull it all together in time. Thanks for sharing this and keep up the good work.

MW

P.S. I'm still interested in the Part 1 paragraph if you feel like posting it.

[Wolf's Rain]

I'm burned out. Just taking it slow right now. All I care about is finishing the final chapter, then I'll start rewriting everything with your comments in mind. That's why I haven't responded to them yet.

I've been brainstorming the ending for literally hours a day. Finally, I came to the realization that Sarah needs to become pregnant at the end of Astraviral Technologies. That's the only logical course in keeping with the books theme: life from death. So, I'll finish chapter 14 this weekend and see how it turns out.

[Wolf's Rain]

I just wrote this yesterday evening and spent tonight rewriting it one-hundred and one times.