Novels and novellas
The Last Blog (7)
Moderator: Mods
Forum rules
* In the interests of fairness, please do not post more than 3 pieces of your own work at any one time.
* Responses / reviews / critiques should be posted under the work to which they refer.
* Discussions of other matters should be posted in the ChitChat, Off Topic or Writers' Craft forums.
* In the interests of fairness, please do not post more than 3 pieces of your own work at any one time.
* Responses / reviews / critiques should be posted under the work to which they refer.
* Discussions of other matters should be posted in the ChitChat, Off Topic or Writers' Craft forums.
3 posts
• Page 1 of 1
The Last Blog (7)
by 1950strangers » Wed Jun 13, 2012 10:20 am
Expunged, sorry.
Last edited by 1950strangers on Mon Aug 13, 2012 9:17 am, edited 1 time in total.
-
1950strangers - Posts: 1
- Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2011 7:08 am
Re: The Last Blog (7)
by Sooz » Mon Jun 25, 2012 4:37 pm
It’s only six twenty in the evening... it was
Moments away now before finalizing everything as true,... he was moments away...
back, not unsure of his decisions .. this is a double negative. Not sure of his, or, unsure of his...
To be grammatically correct this should be slowly and carefully ... but you probably want to avoid two Ly words next to each other.
reality of the idea they confront ... confronted.
his colleagues will pursue to the very end,
he can see traffic beginning to build; ... could see. Remember, if it's in the past and he's already done it, it's always could, not can. Had not has etc.
Right, I'll stop pointing them out now. I've given you a few more to quickly change to give you the idea. Don't worry it will suddenly click into place (unlike me with commas!)
If you want me to stop pointing out the tenses, please say. But I know you're trying to get them right. I'm just going to read from here., so that I can enjoy the story.
Tense, I thought he was going to have a heart attack. Nicely written and very enjoyable.
Moments away now before finalizing everything as true,... he was moments away...
back, not unsure of his decisions .. this is a double negative. Not sure of his, or, unsure of his...
To be grammatically correct this should be slowly and carefully ... but you probably want to avoid two Ly words next to each other.
reality of the idea they confront ... confronted.
his colleagues will pursue to the very end,
he can see traffic beginning to build; ... could see. Remember, if it's in the past and he's already done it, it's always could, not can. Had not has etc.
Right, I'll stop pointing them out now. I've given you a few more to quickly change to give you the idea. Don't worry it will suddenly click into place (unlike me with commas!)
If you want me to stop pointing out the tenses, please say. But I know you're trying to get them right. I'm just going to read from here., so that I can enjoy the story.
Tense, I thought he was going to have a heart attack. Nicely written and very enjoyable.
- Sooz
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Sat Jun 09, 2012 5:52 pm
Re: The Last Blog (7)
by 1950strangers » Mon Jun 25, 2012 5:33 pm
Ha-ha! Thanks, Sooz--you're always welcome to point these things out for me. You've done more than enough already just by reading this long tale--I couldn't ask for more. (I'm studying/doing verb tenses exercises online at the englishpage.com and it's very helpful.)
Keep in touch!
Keep in touch!
-
1950strangers - Posts: 1
- Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2011 7:08 am
3 posts
• Page 1 of 1