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To women everywhere

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To women everywhere

Postby Ilovebooks » Thu Dec 01, 2011 12:11 am

To women evrywhere :D :) ;) 8-) 8-) :!: :!:

To those who clean and cook
to those who's head holds high
and those who dreams shoot threw the skies
to those whom their familes adore
to women everywhere

To those whom fell from heaven
and those are given second chances
to those who died without glances
and those who love dearly
to women evrywhere

to those who are filled with joy
and those who stands strong with dignity
to those who dimishes those who annoy
stand strong stand together
to women who love each other

Lift your heads
those who have dropped
god has a plan do not fret
listen to the songs that rain in your ear
listen closely for ye can hear
"I am god, the truth and the light"he says very clear
so hold your head high and shed no tears

we are women
made from god, who's love is infinite and beyond
greatness is applaused us to all in one ,bond
so keep your head held high
look towards the heaven and see through the sky
we are women not just for you or me living everywhere
we are women of the world
this is our given place
let us rul with smiles on our face
Ilovebooks
 

Re: To women everywhere

Postby Brett » Thu Dec 01, 2011 10:00 am

Christ on a bike!

Did you mean to post this in poetry? Either way it needs a lot of attention to grammar.
As a poem, frankly, I found it poor. It says nothing of women, not as far as I can see. What of those women who have suffered, been abused? Where is your God for them?

The poem uses far too many abstracts and not enough concrete images, the reader is not allowed to engage with any of the poeople you have written about - and as that is women everywhere that is a fair chunk.

Sorry to be so negative but I find honest reactions help writers much more than dishonest ones.

Hwyl fawr

Brett
Brett
 
Posts: 274
Joined: Fri Apr 22, 2011 5:56 pm


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