So long ago, have you seen my childhood
Growing up and many things I misunderstood
Temptation
And so much depression
Have you seen my childhood?
Some great times, but some not good
Confusion
And transformation
Don't judge me, love me for me
Feel what I feel
See what I see
I'm still a child inside
There's nothing to hide
Look into my eyes and just know understood
Have you seen my childhood?....
© 2012 Chris McKnight
Poetry
Childhood
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* Responses / reviews / critiques should be posted under the work to which they refer. Detailed criticism and suggestions are welcome. However, rewriting someone's work is bad form, unless the writer has requested it.
* Discussions of other matters should be posted in the ChitChat, Off Topic or Writers' Craft forums.
3 posts
• Page 1 of 1
Re: Childhood
by kanasta » Thu May 24, 2012 10:14 am
I think it's fine to be inspired by someone else's work, but if you're going to riff on it, perhaps take the ideas in a new direction or add depth that was not there before. This reads too much like just a remix of the original for my tastes, I'm afraid.
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kanasta - Posts: 3
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- Location: London, UK
Re: Childhood
by Brett » Fri May 25, 2012 11:35 am
Hello Chris, and welcome.
Sorry but I'm with Kanasta on this.
I found this piece rather shallow and it lacks the concrete imagery that the reader can relate too.
Cheers
Brett
Sorry but I'm with Kanasta on this.
I found this piece rather shallow and it lacks the concrete imagery that the reader can relate too.
Cheers
Brett
- Brett
- Posts: 274
- Joined: Fri Apr 22, 2011 5:56 pm
3 posts
• Page 1 of 1