Removed for Submission

[WendyPratt]

Thanks for all the comments and crit.

[peter]

Hello . have you had an outer body experience , or is this a metaphore for something else . there are similarities .

[WendyPratt]

Hi peter, thanks for reading.

I guess it's in the interpretation - I'd prefer not to explain at the minute in case it alters how others read it, I'm interested in how people perceive it at first read as it's so important as to whether it is accessible without background knowledge.

Thanks for reading, your question has made me think about how it's coming across.

Wendy

[peter]

Hello . sometimes I see things that aren`t there , probably because there`s more than one meaning for everything I do . being self taught , I've obviously a different approach to the norm . in my experience the best kind of writing speaks for itself . that`s why I comment different to other reviewers .

[Keith exD]

Hi Wendy. If I try to put myself into the the mind of a newbie here, I think I might see poem based on Norse mythology.

Certainly a well crafted poem in your typical thoughtful style. I did trip up on the last lines of the first stanza. I am not sure; weight to be weightless, works.

I think I'd try:

I want gravity to relax, I need
for you to be weightless.

[WendyPratt]

Thank you Keith, that's an interesting point, I appreciate you taking time over it.

Peter- I'm 'self taught' too. I think most people here are. there's nothing wrong in interpreting something differently to how it was intended, that's part of why poetry is so wonderful

Thanks again

Wendy

[Deborahhambrook]

Hi Wendy. This has a dream-like quality to it. I think the title is what confuses. Otherwise the information is clear. I stumbled a bit with the flow of'silk-silt', and wanted to read -casket- for some reason. You really get the feeling of the desperation of trying to hold on but not being able to. I love v. 4.

Deb x

[WendyPratt]

Thanks Debs, you've picked up on something I was concerned about.

Wendy
x

[ptmart]

I really liked this. Wanting something that you can't have or keep anymore. I found it quite moving actually, and I agree - it is dream-like. I really enjoyed it. Thanks for the read. PT

[Ben Allen]

Hi Wendy,

Deb raised - the silk-silt - which was also a stumbling point for me. On the first read through it acted like a tongue twister and I got the letters jumbled. On the second/third reading I knew it was there so took the time to emphasise the words, then it read o.k but it still took care not to trip up on it.

I want gravity to be relaxed, I need
for your weight to be weightless.

I didn't have a problem with this given the dreamlike feel of the poem, the apparent contradiction speaks for an emotion that is hard to explain. Closeness is the best I can manage (sorry, that's a bit weak, struggling to get my thoughts out this morning)

for you weight little typo, I think.

That's my thoughts, taking in the comments as well.

I like the poem, the content was unexpected against the title which, I think, makes the poem work harder but better.

Ben