The Darkroom - Removed

[Deborahhambrook]

Hi Messiah. Thanks for all the thought you put into this. I liked your idea of rearranging the opening lines. I'll have a go at that. Re - black, I think it is a matter of her perception. I was hoping 'black as I'd never known it' was opened to poetic licence, as I think it is clear enough what she means by it. I'm thinking about it, though. Re- rape. Not really. I tried to give enough information to indecate that she wasn't totally unwilling. She went with him in the car,infatuated? She opened a conversation which, knowing he was a photography teacher with access to a darkroom, may or may not have been provocative. He led her down the corridors and dragged her into the room, locking the door quickly so as not to be seen. She went along, though it doesn't suggest she knew where she was going or what would happen. I hoped the darkness came from the fact that it was wrong, even if she may not have known this until later. When she says, 'like this,' she is still in the situation and it is what she said at the time. But as the the lesson had ended, 'that' would be correct'. I might leave that one as it is as I think it sounds better.
Lots to think about.
Thanks again,
Deb x

[Deborahhambrook]

Hi Keith. I think you got it. I wanted it to feel wrong though, because even if she liked him enough, he shouldn't have taken her. At the end, I wanted her to start to realise this.
Thank you for your thoughts.

Phil, thank you for taking the time to comment. That's very helpful.

Deb x

[Phil Greenacre]

alas, it wasn't very helpful, but I actually did like the poem

[Ben Allen]

alas, it wasn't very helpful, but I actually did like the poem

Phil, refer to the earlier comments regarding 'photo finish' and you'll probably find that your comment was helpful.

Ben

[1950strangers]

Hi, Ms Deborahhambrook...

With the comments given earlier on this piece, I was able to appreciate the intricacy and beauty of poetry--not much less, your work.

The points raised by the commenters enlightened me on the darkness discussed of the matter; of the ordinary but loaded threat of the title, and of course, the idea of black and the allusions of photo finish.

It helped me understand the volatile emotions encrypted (suggested?) in every line of the poem: from fear, manipulation, subjugation, to molestation and malicious use of respect--Are teachers not powerful over their students?

Perhaps, my little experiences in photography, and the tempting use of the darkroom for mischievous purposes, helped me relate to the poem. Several of my female classmates in college were molested there during class, and later, the office darkroom was a convenient place for quickie treats among horny employees.

I said I'd never known darkness like it,
nor ever done anything like this
anywhere else before.

Beautiful lines...Innocence violated; token remorse--after a bit of examination of conscience by the victim for allowing it--and the last line, an attempt to clean up the scandalous mess once found.

This is really not my place to comment since I do not write or even relate to the beauty of poetry, but allow me to say I like this piece.

More power, and all the best!

[Deborahhambrook]

Hi Stranger. Thank you for your very kind review. I'm really pleased you saw so much detail in it to like.

Phil, your brief comment confirmed that I should keep the thing you mentioned in. That was helpful. Also, it is always great to get a comment- everyone wants them, but not everyone takes the time and trouble to write them. So again, thanks.

Deb x