Wonderful World (Draft 4)

[Messiah]

*

When Soviet tanks rolled through Walsall
I witnessed a young mother crushed beneath caterpillar tracks;
her baby buggy squashed like a bug on a windscreen.
After, I lounged on a bench moodily, nibbling at a rusk,
with candy floss vapour trails drifting in the blue sky above me,
and thought to myself how peaceful it was.

When Yankee bombs rained down on Harrow, Sheering and Newtownabbey
I gazed out over fields of spiralling soot to see two young lovers,
entwined, beneath the skeletal remains of an umbrella
- their naked, writhing bodies fused in one final, dying embrace
- and above whom swooped a pair of amorous swallows.
And I thought to myself how serene they appeared.
Near them, in the ash, half sunk, the bones of a fat man and little boy lay.
Two friends, shaking hands, saying: How do you do?

When firebombs sleeted down on Debden
I turned my back on the pillars of salt and recalled
a time when a bobby stood on every street corner;
Sergeant Dixon's opening soliloquy, to camera, "Good evening, all";
shiny vending machines that dispensed Cadbury's chocolate bars,
cigarettes, Mickey milkshakes and "loverly" Jubblies.

Then, when bombs fell like winter snow on Peckham,
I drew thick, black velvet curtains on this wonderful world,
wound up my old gramophone, placed a well-worn
Satchmo Louis Armstrong upon the turntable
and settled back to walk a path into a vale of silence.

The times they are changed now.

I see no more trees of green, red roses, skies of blue
and clouds of white. The day is so blessed bright;
the colours of the rainbow seared upon the faces of the people.
I hear babies cry; but I shall not watch them grow.
Nought but a lazy eye remains to disclose where London stood
- what powerful race once dwelt in that annihilated place?

They are gone, all of them gone.

And now I think to myself: Who, from amongst the dead,
shall sing of all the wonders I have seen?





*

[Deborahhambrook]

The casual conversational tone of this piece, for me, adds to the shock value, along with the comparisons you've made. Powerful.

Deb x

[Brett]

I like the idea of someone seeing all these terrible things throughout their life yet living in denial (also brings to mind Voltaire's Dr Pangloss' philosophy) yet the irony of Louis Armstrong's 'What a Wonderful Word' against a backdrop of destruction has been used on film (Good Morning Vietnam I think - could be wrong though) so I thought that quite disappointing as all the previous 'And I thought to myself's build up nicely towards it. Any other way to have the same effect?
I'd be interested in seeing a further draft.

Cheers

Brett

[Deborahhambrook]

Ps. I just wanted to add that although he obviously couldn't have witnessed these things, you've made it sound believable. I wasn't sure about the title though.

[Messiah]

Deborah: why do you believe that no one man could witness all of these things? After all, the real world events which my piece mimics (with the exception of the bombing of Peking) are readily available for any one man to view on The History Channel. And, given time, someone will probably bomb Peking.
That aside, I am pleased that you found something of value in my piece.

[Messiah]

Brett: thank you for your considered opinion. You have prompted me to write a couple of quick alternative endings. However, as the final draft will no doubt be in the form of prose you may not be quite so interested (?) in any further developments.

[Brett]

I'm pleased that my brief comments prompted something, Steve.

There certainly is something in those alternative endings - I felt maybe the penny dropping, perhaps the narrator scratching or breaking Satchmo's vinyl would be effective, or would this go too far away from your intended tone?

I do review prose that engages me - just don't crit as much there. Nothing to do with lack of interest - be bloody stupid in doing what I do with no interest in prose.

I shall look out for it.

Cheers

Brett

[normsk1963]

Always enjoy your work Messiah. I think your writing carries great power.

The "What a Wonderful World" image is from Good Morning Vietnam isn't it? I think the film is being reshown on Film 4 at the moment but I missed it.

<sorry, just noticed Brett had already said this. I think it is a good enough image to be reused. It's not as if it was original for them. Dr. Strangelove used the effect with "We'll Meet Again">

[Messiah]

Brett, I did not mean to suggest that you lack interest in prose, only that your interest might* be lessened (*hence the question mark).

“Be bloody stupid in doing what I do with no interest in prose.”
I was not aware that a career in welding necessitated the study of prose! However, it doesn’t surprise me one bit. Like many things, it will be down to middle management bureaucracy. Indeed, for many years I worked in retail management and could never understand why this necessitated my taking an interest in the ancient art of Nude Morris Dancing. Although, having said that, I must admit that once you get started it’s bloody difficult to stop.

[Messiah]

Norman, I thank you for your kind words.
Ever do I endeavour to compose prose with power. However, it doesn’t always come together. But I never say never and often strive until the midnight hour knowing that power prose will eventually flower like a rose if I show my muse some leather.