The Poet's Muse

[Martin Storey]

The Poet's Muse


There was something amiss in that poem I read,
I cannot explain, but it seemed to be dead,
A rhythm and rhyme it had to be sure,
And pretty expressions it had, three or four.

‘Now that's not enough’ I said to my Muse,
‘It does not delight, it does not amuse,
It does not inform, it does not inspire,
Nor fill me with wonder, nor stir me with fire’.

‘That poem’, she said, ‘could never take wings,
It talks of the world and its tangible things,
The sources of beauty lie deep in the mind,
Now look in my eyes and speak what you find’.

Under a snowdrop inscribed in the dew
I found these few line and give them to you

[MAA]

I like it. Ingredients of a good poem are represented nicely.

[Brett]

Hi Martin,

I'm not too convinced by this, I'm sorry to say - probably the style just isn't to my taste.

'nor stir me with fire' - reads odd to me, I can't relate 'stir' with 'fire', perhaps something more fitting is needed there?

'The sources of beauty lie deep in the mind' - again, not too convinced. What about the beauty of the natural world? The only ugly things you will find are man made. And unsettling thoughts are also found deep in the mind are they not?

Also I don't hold with the idea of a muse, sadly, so not for me sorry.

Cheers

Brett

[WendyPratt]

Hello Martin

A good stab at the sonnet form, I quite liked it, but it is a little sweet for me. The problem I always have with sonnets, or any form really when I write them is trying to get a natural feel to it. I think you might have the same problem here.

What seems to be happening here is a series of narrated statements. What I mean by that is that each line sits on its own, starts at the start of the line and ends at the end so what you end up with is a big pause and no continuation. It doesn't sound natural, and that makes it difficult to engage with, IMHO. I think with a little enjambment that could be resolved.

You could possibly try using some less direct lines too to give it a more natural flow, not an easy thing I know! But really worth working at.

I like the idea of the conversation with the muse, it's quite playful. However I do think that it lacks a solid idea, someone above has said that beauty doesn't just come from the mind, if anything the outside world inspires the imagination. And at the end of the poem, the narrator finds what he/she is looking for under a snowdrop anyway. I did find the last part a little too sweet for me, but I did enjoy the attempt at the form.

Hope there's some help there

Wendy