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Short stories

Mask

General short fiction of under 5000 words.

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* In the interests of fairness, please do not post more than 3 pieces of your own work at any one time.
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Mask

Postby ianthesmart » Tue Apr 17, 2012 6:05 pm

Every bright summer evening, birds are seen soaring around a desolated house and there weren't making any sound - especially down the path to Grimmlane. It wass known to be one of the most scariest place on the world and anyone who steps on the path will be hypnotised. No one knows what is going to happen to them...

Seire and Gorgie are very good friends. They used to live on a village called, Isa. It's hard to believe but they moved into the house beside the path to Grimmlane. They heard banging sounds and purring noises - they haven't got a clue on what's going to happen to them on the near future. When they keep turning on the tv there was only one channel ; it was showing the scene of a woman getting throttled and stabbed on the skull with a steel knife.

One day as Seire was watching the scenery outside the window. She was suddenly jerked by someone. And the last thing she remembered was a shiny mask glinting as the sun rays hits off it. Her friend died later after she was killed. When the speculated the house they found no sign of the good friends' corpses. However, one neighbour noticed the event when a man with a mask (which was covered in cherry coloured bloodstains) kept dragging two filled rucksack down the path to Grimmlane. :shock:
ianthesmart
 
Posts: 1
Joined: Fri Apr 06, 2012 6:05 pm

Re: Mask

Postby dickensfan » Tue Apr 17, 2012 9:14 pm

This story has the potential to be a bit of a tall tale. It is let down by the spelling mistakes and some grammatical errors, which are easily fixed if this is a first draft. Overall it appears to try and pack in a lot in a small piece of writing leaving me feeling a bit short changed. If you were to develop what you started it might turn out to be very gripping yarn.
dickensfan
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Apr 17, 2012 8:18 pm

Re: Mask

Postby Wolf's Rain » Wed Apr 18, 2012 3:13 am

I liked the eyes at the end. Spooky and funny. They made me laugh! You should put more pictograms in the story.
Wolf's Rain
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Sat Mar 10, 2012 12:04 am


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