Cutling

[selma&Violet]

Very rough draft so please be nice

Scene opens in a tidy apartment. Nothing must be out of place. There is a sofa and two chairs, both are quite shabby but comfortable. The flat’s only student vibe is the posters which adorn one of the walls, music posters or posters of student interest. There is a coffee table in front of the sofa.DVD storage shelves are optional. Male is seated on the sofa and the female is seated on the adjoining chair.

Rob - Male, Early 20’s. Typical graduate student type, wears converse and carries the latest mobile. Is cocky and confident.
Jenny - Young Professional, early 20’s.

Rob - I told you, it’s a great idea. And I just came up with it(pause)like that(clicks fingers)

Jenny: I don’t think it would work, Rob. I mean there’s silent discos(beat)and everyone has pretty much decided they’re weird. But dancing to no music(beat)none at all(beat) that’s something else. For a start what would you actually dance to?

Rob: To the beat of the masses(beat)The beat of the heart (laughing)ba bum ba bum ba bum (thumps heart with hand in time) It could really take off.

Jenny (laughs) Your ridiculous(beat)it sounds really wanky

Rob: People in Manchester love wanky. Anyway I think I’ve got a shot. I’ve worked it out and there’s precisely ten people standing in my way of that ten thousand pound Barclays grant.

Jenny: Hmmm(beat)What about all the other applicants ?

Rob: Well say about five thousand(beat)about (thinks) That’s precisely five thousand and ten people in the way. Piece of Piss. That Royal Mail graduate scheme I applied for said over ten thousand people applied.

Jenny: Oh yeah did you ever hear back from that?

Rob: Yeah I got an email saying I wasn’t right for the role or something. I emailed back and told them I used to be a paper boy, you know, so they know I’m in with the right boys.

Jenny: Mmm?

Rob: Turns out delivering newspapers isn’t as good, its not royal enough, you know the Royal Mail(Jenny nods) Oldham Evening News doesn’t have the same ring. Haven’t heard anything since.

Jenny: Well ten thousand’s a lot. Your just one man/

Rob: /I even put bisexual on the equal opportunities.

Jenny:What?!

Rob: I put bisexual on the thing(beat) thought I might have a better shot.

Jenny: (matter of factly) Well now I’m not surprised you didn’t get it.

Rob: What, why?

Jenny: The royals don’t like bisexuals.

Rob: (laughing)Oh very fucking funny. Maybe I should have put gay. People are pretty shitty on bisexuals, the word greed gets banded about a lot.

Jenny: They are a bit greedy, a bit untrustworthy if you ask me as well.

Rob: Luckily I’m not asking. God, let’s not get into the sexuality thing again, last time I had to pop home early and have a wank.

Jenny: Alright

Rob: (looks at watch)So are you brewing up then?

Jenny: That’s quite cheeky Rob. I’ve just got in. Your supposed to drop hints first like “I’m a bit parched”. Or clutch your throat, sound a bit hoarse.

Rob: Parched, no, I don’t use that word apart from at Christmas

Jenny: Oh?

Rob: Yeah when I order them parched peas. And every year I regret it. No, really I just came round to ask if there’s anything going at your place? Oh and to tell you about my idea, because I trust you Jenny not to steal it(beat)and to give you your Atonement back.

Jenny: (Raising voice) At last! Put it back on the shelf. In fact, no, put it on the table. It’s all alphabetical and if you put it in the wrong place that’s one Sunday afternoon wasted(beat)even if you remember to put it under A.

Rob: I think under S is more appropriate.

Jenny: (getting up) Right i’ll make a drink. What would you like?

Rob: Not green tea. Have you got Tetleys?

Jenny: Urm(beat) I don’t know, their just in the pot.

Rob: (looks confused) Well who put them there?

Jenny: I don’t know(beat)Probably one of them (points out of room)

Rob: You don’t know who put the tea bags in your pot?(Truly shocked) They could be anything!

Jenny walks to the kitchen area off stage.

(Offstage)Jenny: No label on the bag either!

Rob:Oh it’s fine, I’ll have a tea, two sugars. But not sweetener. I tell you what, that green tea nearly killed me last week. Martin thought it would be funny to put some of them in the pot without me knowing , mixed them all in with the usuals. Well I wasn’t looking and took a taste. Spat it out all over the cat(beat)who I then had to take to the vet. Stupid cat.

(Offstage) Jenny: Rob you’re a disaster

Takes DVD out of bag and puts it on table. Takes mobile phone of pocket .Turns mobile round and takes picture of himself using camera on back.

(Offstage) Jenny: Are you taking pictures?

Rob: (Shouts Offstage) No, just testing the camera (turns phone back round and looks at picture) Looks pretty good. I might post that up later.

Jenny comes in the two cups of tea, puts them down on the table.

Jenny: You saddo. Do you want me to put it down or(beat)on the table(She pauses as he gestures in the hands) in your hands?/

Rob: /It’ll be fine

Jenny: It’s hot(Puts in hand)There you go

Rob accepts cup takes hold of it, immediately scolds his hands, says “Fuck” and puts it down on table quickly.

Jenny: I told you it was hot.

Rob: I see people do that all the time and they never get scolded. Your DVD is there. (gestures towards table)

Jenny: (looks pleased) Good.

Rob: So is there anything going at yours then?

Jenny: No , not really , unless you know anything about IT. We had a load of newbies last month and for some reason they’ve all stayed.

Rob: What kind of IT?

Jenny: Programming mainly.

Rob: Is there a dummies guide?

Jenny: To programming? Don’t think so.

Rob: There must be(beat)there’s a dummies guide for everything. That’s how I pretty much got my degree.

Jenny: No, I don’t think so, not at this at this level. I think you’ve got to have qualifications as well.

Rob: Right. Can’t hurt applying though, putting I have the stuff and then seeing if I get an interview. Mind you, this Barclay’s thing might hot up soon.

Jenny: So you’ve put it in then , the pitch?

Rob: Yeah, course. Obviously I had to develop it a bit. Im expecting the call, any minute.

Jenny: On a Sunday?

Rob: They’ve started opening Saturday now, its only a matter of time.

[kanasta]

This is quite funny but I'd lose the micromanagment (beat etc). Actors and directors like to have a chance to act and direct, not have every breath dictated by a writer.

[selma&Violet]

Thanks for the feedback. I see what you mean, ill try and get rid of some of them. Sometimes i go a bit Beat crazy!

[Sproutmuncher]

I liked this, could see it as a sit com. Need to be careful with the grammer though, was a bit shocked when I read the line 'Jenny comes in the two cups of tea, puts them down on the table'.
best regards
Matt

[Riley103]

Thanks you for the post.
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