deleted

[Nathanielm]

deleted.

[fellpony]

Now then sunshine, slow down, eh? At the top of the page it says, "Please do not post more than 3 pieces of your own work at any one time." It's just good manners.

Please remove parts 4 onward. You should let other people post a few things before you post any more.

[Nathanielm]

Now then sunshine, slow down, eh? At the top of the page it says, "Please do not post more than 3 pieces of your own work at any one time." It's just good manners.

Please remove parts 4 onward. You should let other people post a few things before you post any more.

done. although it defeats the purpose of the story just posting 3 parts. I appended the bottom notifying the story continues and another website where the full story can be viewed. and its sequel. You need not remind me of manners. If it were me, personally i rather post the whole thing in one shot. Although its 35,000 words and I understand the need of breaking up novellas into 5K chunks. (found it tough but i managed)

I will adhere to the rules of the site. you need not worry about that either.

Nathaniel Miller/Erwin Stevens

[Messiah]

I would suggest that posting 35,000 words of poorly constructed prose defeats the object of English grammar classes. You would do far better to post up one chapter which indicates to your peers that you intend to take the time required to produce quality literature, rather than throwing up eight chunks of inept writing.

[Sue]

it defeats the purpose of the story just posting 3 parts

Use some common sense. You don't have to stop at three - just don't hog the lists with ALL of it all at once. Wait a bit and post some more later.

I thought it was a bit garbled myself, sorry, so I won't be inclined to read more.

[Nathanielm]

Perhaps I was not concise enough in the story that made it flow clearly.

The story is after all, based as fan fiction to something else and offers three tomes of Elvish language. (three dialects to be exact) I thought by giving it a realistic non random language that it would give the main characters (Elves) a bit more realism. It should be a story of help and healing, another chance at the hand of a little magic. Just to justify the piece. If it seemed garbled. It should not be, if it was taken offensively, I do apologize.

The story sets have all been removed, and the project has been scrapped. My thanks for your feedback.

{MM}N.A.Miller, USN Ret.

[kanasta]

I think if you post fan fiction to a non-fan site, you do run the risk that people won't really get the story. I started reading this but found it difficult to understand fully as it seemed to assume some prior knowledge that I don't have. Presumably this would not have been a problem if I were a fan of whatever this is linked to... I'm sure if you post this to a fan site you will get more positive feedback.

[Messiah]

.

The comments your work received (above) have nothing to do with the inclusion of Elvish tomes, or that your story was fan fiction. Indeed, it could have been a Hobbit yarn written in double Dutch for all I care. All I was asking/looking for was grammar of an acceptable standard.

EXAMPLE: Here is something written in High Mhänghödsünnese.

'Schràpn â thråshni ÿp ēnat œ käkä,' he said, looking to the Elvish envoy for some sign of understanding.

Did you notice how there is subtly placed comma before the closing speech mark?

Now go back and read through your efforts.
''I am an elf.'' He said. Looking at his tome. ''Have you seen my sword?'' He asked. Opening the door.
A full stop indicates the end of a sentence, while a capital letter indicates the start of a sentence. Therefore, ''He said'' is a separate sentence. As is ''He asked.'' It begs the questions: He said what? He asked whom?
It's all basic enough stuff. Nothing too complicated.

Before sitting down to write, it is worth learning the basics of how to write. Yes?

EXAMPLE: http://www.feedaread.com/books/Spider-fairys-dairy.aspx
If you follow the link you will find at the end of it a book with three (spelling & grammar) mistakes in its three word title. See if you can spot them all.
Self-published or not, would you waste £7.99 on a book whose author has failed to master basic grammar? £7.99 of your hard-earned pounds for a book by an author who, by slapping her ignorance on the book's cover, is happy to advertise that she fails to grasp the basics of grammar!

By deleting your work you achieve nothing, save for an easy way out.
And another one bites the dust.

[Brett]

Should that be 'a subtlely placed comma'?

[Nathanielm]

.

The comments your work received (above) have nothing to do with the inclusion of Elvish tomes, or that your story was fan fiction. Indeed, it could have been a Hobbit yarn written in double Dutch for all I care. All I was asking/looking for was grammar of an acceptable standard.

EXAMPLE: Here is something written in High Mhänghödsünnese.

'Schràpn â thråshni ÿp ēnat œ käkä,' he said, looking to the Elvish envoy for some sign of understanding.

Did you notice how there is subtly placed comma before the closing speech mark?

Now go back and read through your efforts.
''I am an elf.'' He said. Looking at his tome. ''Have you seen my sword?'' He asked. Opening the door.
A full stop indicates the end of a sentence, while a capital letter indicates the start of a sentence. Therefore, ''He said'' is a separate sentence. As is ''He asked.'' It begs the questions: He said what? He asked whom?
It's all basic enough stuff. Nothing too complicated.

Before sitting down to write, it is worth learning the basics of how to write. Yes?

EXAMPLE: http://www.feedaread.com/books/Spider-fairys-dairy.aspx
If you follow the link you will find at the end of it a book with three (spelling & grammar) mistakes in its three word title. See if you can spot them all.
Self-published or not, would you waste £7.99 on a book whose author has failed to master basic grammar? £7.99 of your hard-earned pounds for a book by an author who, by slapping her ignorance on the book's cover, is happy to advertise that she fails to grasp the basics of grammar!

By deleting your work you achieve nothing, save for an easy way out.
And another one bites the dust.

point taken... I do understand basic spelling and grammar. I am not an idiot by any means. I am very much an amateur when it comes to writing...

To delete ones work is not really an easy way out. It will be rewritten from scratch. This time with an outline... and a little more inkling of what i am doing. I wrote it "off the hip" so to speak, where i did not outline the story, background or get characters situated in a way that would be acceptable.

Again I appreciate the feedback. It gives me time to do more research... (To at least do this right.)

{MM}N.A. Miller, USN Ret.