Forever

[Keith exD]

GONE TO A BETTER PLACE

[Ben Allen]

Impressive, Keith, economical usage of words and the story is clear. Thought I'd have a go at this myself and have used your story to bounce off, hope you don't mind.

Ben

[Keith exD]

Thank you I feel honoured!

[peter]

Hello . this reminds me of the dives I always ended up living in . I was lucky probably because of where I grew up , so gangs seem to leave you alone when they realise your not frightened . However I do sympathise with those who are menaced by bullies and thugs . We can experience a lot in deprived areas but I can`t see why people want to make a career of it

[Keith exD]

Thanks Peter,
I agree with your comment regarding staying in deprived areas if it's at all possible to get out. This was originally a poem and I welded it into a mini-story. I still have the poem, but its not on GW now.

[peter]

Hello . if you want some inspiration in deprived area try having a walk around Middlesbrough . you`ll probably get a best seller out of it though you may not survive .

[WendyPratt]

Hi Keith

I feel like I've left crit on this before?

You packed a great deal into your 199 word count, no word is wasted here.

really enjoyed

Wendy

[Keith exD]

Thanks Wendy, possibly you've seen it before. You should read Ben's version he managed to trim his down even further and he did a good job on it.

[Ben Allen]

My version is removed but Messiah's take on it is still in the replies.

Ben

[WendyPratt]

I'll keep an eye open for it.