Written by BunnyMazonas
One of the most important things to me when reading work that others have written is the world itself. It is so important not to rush through the various scenes, but to instead spend time exploring the world and the people.
Every sentence is an opportunity to tell your readers more about the world.
Let's take an example.
Pagallein looked at herself in the mirror.
Pagallein is the focus of a story I am currently trying to write. Above, I say that she looks at herself in the mirror. This, at present, tells us nothing about her character. Let us start with one simple question.
Why is Pagallein looking at herself in the mirror?
In the society I have created, Pagallein is taking an apprenticeship to become a warrior. Part of her training involves taking part in displays of her prowess as a warrior for the Elder Mothers, and as a sort of sporting event for the people to enjoy. So Pagallein could be preparing for one of these displays, and looking herself over, or psyching herself up for the event.
Pagallein looked at herself in the mirror. She was due to go outside soon for the sparring display.
Now we have a context in which the scene takes place, and we can expand upon it.
What is Pagallein looking at in the mirror?
In my mind, I see her as a young woman, around 13 and on the cusp of puberty. In her society, strength and skill is valued. As a result, Pagallein isn't overly concerned about growing to be pretty, or beautiful. Being desirable to her means being good at her chosen career; she is apprenticed as a warrior. She looks for strength, muscle tone, speed, agility and poise. Scars from old wounds serve both as a reminder of her failures in battle, and evidence of the hard work she has done to achieve greatness.
Pagallein looked at herself in the mirror, flexing and posing as if she were already at the sparring display. She'd undergone a growth spurt recently, which had left her arms and legs looking gangly and wiry; too long and thin and clumsy.
Now we see that Pagallein is preparing for a sparring display, and we get a glimpse of what she looks like. A young woman, with that awkward physical stature that teens often get. Now it'd be a good idea to give some indication of her personality.
What is Pagallein thinking and feeling?
The Pagallein I've created is a complex young woman. Short compared to others her age, and secretly lacking in confidence, she plays up and acts the joker, taking dares and getting in trouble. She sincerely wants to succeed however, and to prove herself. I'd imagine she'd be nervous at a time like this, desperate to prove herself, looking over her past mistakes and trying to clear her mind. No doubt she'd act up in front of the mirror to make herself feel better.
Pagallein flexed and posed in front of the mirror as though she were already at the sparring display. She puffed up her skinny chest and beat her arms against it.
"And next up is Pagallein; Great Hammer-Maiden and fierce warrior! Fear her! Love her! Raaaaaargh!"
She slumped, looking herself over a little more critically. She'd undergone a growth spurt recently at the worst possible timing. Her arms and legs looked gangly; too long and thin and clumsy for a warrior. The Elder Mothers would mark her down for poor poise of she couldn't make the best of it. Then her Kennari would give her that look again, and she'd be back to dawn stance training and standard rations. And that'd never do.
The simple act of her looking in the mirror now lets us paint a picture of Pagallein, her personality, her appearance, and the society in which she lives. But we can still do better.
What might the atmosphere be like?
The ancient Greeks had their olympic sportsmen perform naked, displaying not only their skills but their physical appearance. I'd imagine the sparring displays would be similar, although perhaps apprentices like Pagallein would decorate themselves ceremoniously; perhaps some strategic paint to show off their musculature? If that was the case, the room would need to be cold to stop her sweating, so the paint could stick. If she is near to the area where she will be performing, perhaps she can hear the crowds already. Perhaps one of the other apprentices is performing while she prepares.
Pagallein flexed and posed in front of the mirror as though she were already at the sparring display. She puffed up her skinny chest and beat her arms against it.
"And next up is Pagallein; Great Hammer-Maiden and fierce warrior! Fear her! Love her! Raaaaaargh!"
She slumped, looking herself over a little more critically. She'd undergone a growth spurt recently at the worst possible timing. Her arms and legs looked gangly; too long and thin and clumsy for a warrior. The Elder Mothers would mark her down for poor poise if she couldn't make the best of it. Then her Kennari would give her that look again, and she'd be back to dawn stance training and standard rations. And that'd never do.
The crowds were silent at the moment, but she could hear distant thumps and thuds as Aase displayed her sparring skills against Hrafn. They were both scrappy, fierce fighters with good poise and stances, but she could tell from the sounds outside that they'd both fallen to the ground a few times. Pagallein would be sparring against Ranhilde, and she wasn't looking forward to that. Her left knee still ached a little from their last match and she'd seen Rani really working on her speed in training recently.
Sweating with nerves despite the frigid air, Pagallein reached for the bowl of ochre by the side and began painting herself for the display. Perhaps if she covered herself in ochre she wouldn't feel so bad about her scrawny limbs.
Now you can see that the scene has expanded into a miniature story in its own right. The scene is set and I could move it into the next scene easily. Perhaps the cheers of the crowd will tell Pagallein that the match is over and her turn has come. Will she be announced before or after she goes to the stage? How is the sparring display arranged? Is their a raised stage or platform to perform on, or seating, or is it just a rough circle in the dirt with the crowds surrounding it? I can move from scene to scene smoothly this way.
Of course, tone is important, as is pacing. The heavy descriptions and long sentences, dwelling on each point, wouldn't work for an action scene, but having a foundation of descriptive instants allows the action scenes themselves to flow without the need to describe them in the same detail. When Pagallein starts sparring against Ranhilde, we'll already know what she is thinking and feeling, what she looks like and what the setting is, so we can just concentrate on the action and let the reader picture it themselves.
