Wonderful World (Draft 4)

[Brett]

I don't restrict myself to just welding, Steve

The stanza beginning 'I see no more trees of green...' - clever play on the lyrics (particularly the line about not being able to watch the babies grow) liked it a lot, but felt that it may be improved by a little pruning or tightening. Is there any more of this to come?

Norm has a good point regarding originality and Dr Strangelove (a far superior film in any case).

Cheers

Brett

[Messiah]

At present I have finished fiddling with this thingamabob and have instead added it to my N.W.E.S. piece in SciFi. Or, for want of inclination, I have consigned her body to the graveyard. A quiet little spot next to the squirrels. Send me no flowers. Love, George.

[patterjack]

If you have really finished with this piece , I feel i should say now that I think it is very very good indeed,

The localisation of the material probably means even more to others than to myself, but it works so well .

And please, don't change the last two lines of stanza two , lines which resonate for me much more even than the geographical references.

[Messiah]

Thank you, Brian, for your kind words of encouragement.
The intention with the localisation was to mirror “world” events – to visit these horrors upon my own back yard. However, I feel certain that “you” could find similar locations in Oz.
Warsaw becomes Walsall, Debden replaces Dresden, while Harrow, Sheering and Newtownabbey take the full brunt of Hiroshima and Nagasaki's fate – but then you probably knew that?
And, fear not, Fat Man and Little Boy are going nowhere.
All the best,
M.

[violetta]

My piece was just that- a descriptive piece. There wasn't meant to be a plot or action. Many have come away feeling that my writing was of some value, so I suggest you pull your shitty piece of writing out of your arse and learn what good writing actually is.

I suggest that before you critique my work, you learn to write a decent piece of your own, as you clearly have no idea what you are talking about.

It's bitter and arrogant people like you that spoil this site.

Oh, and this piece right here is absolute 3rd class tripe. Someone wake me up if I fall asleep reading it. I suggest you revise the adjectives you use as you ridiculous undersell this already very poor piece. 'Shiny' 'lovely.'

Jesus, my five year old cousin could write better than that.


Regards,

T Hurley.

Edit from Mods:
Personal comments of this nature are not acceptable on this site. Ben's advice, below, is good. Please aim all comments at the writing - and perhaps write them when you're less angry.
Steve - if you would like this individual post removing, please say.
P

[Ben Allen]

What a remarkable response to a critique!

If you are in disagreement with the comment or criticism on a piece of writing why not just comment back and say - thank you for your criticism but I disagree on the following points...this could then be followed by a constructive argument, after which each party could cheerfully go their own way, wiser or non-the-wiser, depending on the outcome.
To randomly drag up a piece of work over a year old, along with a bizarre reference to the authors orifice seems most peculiar.
If the critique had been gushing with praise what would your response have been then?

Ben

[Messiah]

My piece was just that- a descriptive piece. There wasn't meant to be a plot or action. Many have come away feeling that my writing was of some value, so I suggest you pull your shitty piece of writing out of your arse and learn what good writing actually is.

I suggest that before you critique my work, you learn to write a decent piece of your own, as you clearly have no idea what you are talking about.

It's bitter and arrogant people like you that spoil this site.

Oh, and this piece right here is absolute 3rd class tripe. Someone wake me up if I fall asleep reading it. I suggest you revise the adjectives you use as you ridiculous undersell this already very poor piece. 'Shiny' 'lovely.'

Jesus, my five year old cousin could write better than that.

To date, this really is the best piece of yours that I've read.
However, should that not be ''ridiculously''?
And the full stop should come after the apostrophe on 'lovely'. Not, 'lovely.'
And perhaps either a comma after 'Shiny', or a fullstop and capital L on 'lovely'.
That said, much improved.

Love and kisses,
JC

[violetta]

Hahahaha! Okay, excellent.

I just thought you should know that your writing is horse shit. Don't even care if I get banned, this website sucks anyway.

If your only response to me critiquing your 4th draft of drivel is to pick very small holes in my grammar and punctuation, so be it.

I just wanted it made clear that your writing is boring, drawn-out bollocks and a child could write better.


That's all.

EXTRA love and kisses for you! Oh, how foolish you are to actually believe that your writing is any good, or that you are indeed worthy enough to criticise other's work when yours is of such a poor standard.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Mods]

Steve,

You won't bothered by V for a while.

Again - if you would like posts removed - please say.

For the record, you write well and clearly.

P

[Messiah]

No need to call out the removal men on my behalf, P; I am long-used to this type of reaction to my critiques.
Violetta was as much entitled to her opinion of my work as I was of hers. I'm just pleased that her opinion is in the minority. That said, all opinion seems to be in the minority!
It is ever a sad state of affairs when finished articles post their finished articles expecting nothing more than to be told that their work is peerless. Jeremiah help us all should GW members become nothing more than a pat on the back brigade - an Internet chat room with writing thrown in to facilitate chat - for then this site really would suck!
I shall finish now, lest my reply becomes drawn-out testicles; every man Jack of us knows only too well that testicles should never be drawn out!

Keep up the god work,
S.