Login or Join Great Writing now for free!
Preset Styles:

Poetry

Spring

Poet and know it? Lay your stanzas gently here.

Moderator: Mods

Forum rules
* In the interests of fairness, please do not post more than 3 pieces of your own work at any one time.
* Responses / reviews / critiques should be posted under the work to which they refer. Detailed criticism and suggestions are welcome. However, rewriting someone's work is bad form, unless the writer has requested it.
* Discussions of other matters should be posted in the ChitChat, Off Topic or Writers' Craft forums.

Spring

Postby val » Tue May 03, 2011 3:45 pm

(a frivolous fragment prompted by the season)
Spring is gradual greening;
silvered with snowdrops,
gilded with daffodils,
woods wading deep in bluebells.
Warm air scented with almond
from the foaming hawthorn.

Spring is singing;
Blackbird fluting,
Robin’s cadence,
wild bursting Wren song,
wistful Willow-warbler’s plaint.
Dusk’s slow fall silences all
save the nightingale,
with liquid notes sent from on high
to stir immortal longings.
val
 
Posts: 23
Joined: Fri Apr 22, 2011 6:11 pm

Re: Spring

Postby Brett » Tue May 03, 2011 6:56 pm

Hi Val,

I'm not usually a fan of nature poems (that's not to say I don't appreciate nature) but I quietly enjoyed this piece. The first stanza more than the second - you handle alliteration and consonance beautifully there. I did think that there were a few too many Ws in that part of the second stanza, but any mention of warbling wrens instantly gets me giggling (blame WC Fields) so that may well be me.

'the foaming hawthorn' is a lovely image - foaming is very well chosen I think.

Cheers

Brett
Brett
 
Posts: 274
Joined: Fri Apr 22, 2011 5:56 pm

Re: Spring

Postby Deborahhambrook » Wed May 04, 2011 8:35 am

Bursting with springtime, and very enjoyable. Made me feel happy!

Deb x
Deborahhambrook
 
Posts: 63
Joined: Tue Apr 26, 2011 12:17 pm

Re: Spring

Postby Sue » Wed May 04, 2011 8:48 am

And why not, as Barry Norman probably never said. I think any poet worth his (or her) salt has been moved by spring to make some kind of verbal response, even if it's only "Bloody weeds!"

Like Brett I enjoyed the first stanza more than the second. Are your robins singing? I have to say our local ones only sing noticeably in winter.

I'd consider a stanza break between the willow-warbler's plaint and dusk silencing all.

Liked the nod to Shakespeare and Keats at the end. (reminds me of the tale Spike Millligan told of the sergeant major announcing a talk by the company commander about Keats: "And I don't suppose any of youse higgerunt bastids knows what a keat is.")
Sue
http://www.jackdawebooks.co.uk
Writing should be as transparent as possible.
User avatar
Sue
 
Posts: 212
Joined: Wed Apr 27, 2011 11:33 pm
Location: Cumbria

Re: Spring

Postby dollynoodle » Thu May 05, 2011 1:39 pm

Hi Val,

The imagery of spring was painted with delicate descriptions reflecting the gentle beauty of nature. My favorite lines were:

woods wading deep in bluebells

wistful Willow-warbler’s plaint
Dusk’s slow fall silences all

I really enjoyed this.
dollynoodle
 
Posts: 7
Joined: Sat Apr 30, 2011 12:23 pm
Location: Not very sunny Scotland

Re: Spring

Postby patterjack » Thu May 05, 2011 10:01 pm

Very English, and thus a bit out of my ken, except via the work of the Romantics. We do not have that kind of Spring in Oz. I am not making an odious comparison, nor even an odorous one :)
Enjoyed the effort
User avatar
patterjack
 
Posts: 97
Joined: Fri Apr 22, 2011 9:38 pm
Location: Australia

Re: Spring

Postby Angry Idealist » Fri May 06, 2011 12:46 am

Maybe this is how Keats would have read if he'd laid off the laudanum and not been such a miserable bugger.

Nice vibrant rhythms here, pretty imagery... altogether very seasonal.
Angry Idealist
 
Posts: 10
Joined: Thu May 05, 2011 11:55 pm
Location: UK


Return to Poetry

cron

Login

Main Menu