CHAPTER 5
“I’d love to hear you singing, Rosie. Little did I know I was going out with a star in the making tonight!”
Damian smiled across the table at Rosie, a lovely genuine smile that lit up his whole face and Rosie’s stomach did somersaults. She couldn’t believe tonight was going so well and even though she had only been in his company about an hour, she felt that she was falling for him already.
“Oh, I only do a bit of Karaoke, really. I would love to take it up professionally though.”
“Well you definitely should. A good looking girl like you. I can just see you up on that stage, wowing everybody in a sexy black dress.”
Rosie felt herself going red and cursed inwardly. She had been hoping to portray her more confident side tonight.
“You don’t look so bad yourself.” She smiled at him in what she hoped was a seductive manner. And it was true. Damian was looking very handsome in a tight pair of black jeans and a trendy denim shirt, his dark hair gelled off his face in a fashion that suited his chiselled features. A lot more handsome than the guys Rosie normally dated and a lot more chivalrous. All night, he had been opening doors and pulling back chairs for her. And he had brought her to this really nice pizzeria. The last time Rosie had gone on a date, they had gone straight to the local for a couple drinks. And then, after they had paid the chipper a visit on the way home, he had tried to pull her down a laneway to grope her up. There was no doubt about it, Damian was in a different league. She could only hope that she was making a good impression on him.
“I’m just going to pop to the loo.” It was time to check her face. A bit more foundation wouldn’t go astray to make sure her blushes didn’t show.
“Well I’ll order another drink, so. I know what you girls are like.” He gave her a cheeky grin.
“See you in a bit.” Rosie grinned back wishing she could have thought of something more clever to say.
Once in the loo, she went straight up to the mirror to examine herself. She had spent ages getting ready that night and she had a lot more make-up on than usual. She was beginning to wish she hadn’t taken her little sister’s advice though, when she had told her to wear the bright blue eye shadow. Together with the shimmer effect eye liner, it was possibly a bit over the top. Though on the other hand, it did draw attention to her brown eyes. People always said this was her best feature. Rosie sighed. It wasn’t like her to be this unsure of herself.
“Pull yourself together and get back out there.” She said to herself.
When she arrived back at the table, Damian was talking on his mobile phone.
“I can’t tonight I’m afraid. I’ve got a prior engagement. Can it not wait till tomorrow?” He smiled over at Rosie. He frowned then. “Nothing’s that urgent. …………. Yeah I know, but……Hold on a second. That’s my new partner in the business, Gary. He’s found someone who’s willing to supply us with chocolate fudge cakes for next to nothing. We have to clinch the deal tonight or we’ll lose him. Would you mind if I met him for ten minutes. We could meet later in your local – O’Briens, isn’t it? Look, I’m sorry Rosie, This is so rude of me on our first date…..”
“Don’t be silly. Of course it’s ok. I’ll go down to O’Brien’s and order the drinks for us.” Rosie’s heart was missing a beat. The fact that he’d just said ‘our first date’ must mean he wanted to have more dates. After he’d left, Rosie made her way to O’Brien’s smiling happily to herself. It was pretty crowded, being Saturday night so she was pleased with herself when she managed to bag two seats in a quiet alcove. After the barman had brought a pint for Damian and a glass of beer for her, she decided to text all her friends and tell them what a great time she was having and how well she was getting on with Damian. A half an hour later, she had drank her glass of beer and had just ordered another but there was no sign of Damian returning. No point in worrying, she thought to herself. No business meeting is going to finish after ten minutes. Another half an hour passed , she was starting on her third beer and she was starting to feel self-conscious, sitting there on her own. The thought that maybe Damian wasn’t going to turn up at all was starting to creep into her mind. Maybe he’d just rang his friend while she was in the loo and pretended there was a meeting to get away from her. You hear of people doing that all the time. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see some friends of her mother’s up at the bar. They were definitely looking in her direction. They all burst out laughing then and Rosie became convinced they were laughing at the poor eejit who got stood up. I’ll give it another ten minutes and that’s it, she was thinking to herself, when Damian walked past looking for her.
“Damian, I’m over here,” Relief flooded over her.
“Ah, there you are. I was afraid you wouldn’t wait for me. We couldn’t get away from that fella. He’d talk for Ireland he would. And you got me a pint. I could do with it.”
“It’s probably gone flat. It’s been there about an hour now.” Rosie noticed Damian had taken off his denim shirt and now just had a white tee-shirt on. She wasn’t complaining though. She didn’t mind his muscular toned arms being on view at all.
“I’ll go up and get more drink. Yours is nearly finished. I’ll get you another one.”
“Okay,” Rosie wasn’t really used to drinking this much and was already feeling a bit tipsy. But it was in a nice way and for the first time that evening she was starting to feel relaxed. One drink on and Rosie felt herself and Damian were really starting to get to know each other. Damian told her all about his family. How he wasn’t that close to his father – there had always been a bit of a distance between them but that his mother was like his best friend.
“You can tell her anything. She always gives such good advice but she’d never pass judgement on anybody. If I ever have a problem, she is the first person I go to.”
It was clear from the way he was talking, that Damian’s mother was a big influence in his life.
“How about your brothers and sisters? Do you have any?”
“I have two brothers but they’re living in London.” Damian shrugged. “We don’t see much of each other. You know how it is. Out of sight, out of mind.”
Rosie looked at him sympathetically. She was one of five children and they all lived close to each other. You could always pop in on them for a cup of tea. She couldn’t imagine not having her family nearby. Soon she was telling him all about her family and she was surprised by how easy she found him to talk to. Rosie forgot that she had been nervous about meeting him and eased into a long chat like she would have with any of her friends. Of course, the few more drinks she had put her into a good mood as well and by the end of the night she had become positively giddy, giggling for the slightest reason.
It was closing time and Rosie and Damian left O’Brien’s with their arms around each other. Rosie had to put her arms around Damian because otherwise she wouldn’t have been able to stand up straight.
“Are you going, going……to drop me home?” Rosie seemed to think this remark was comedy gold because she started giggling hysterically after she made it.
Damian laughed. “I don’t know if you’d make it without my help, let’s be honest.” he said
Rosie giggled again. “You’re the sort of guy that knows how to look after a girl. I could tell that the minute I met you. And you’re gorg … go..orgeous….. too.”
Damian laughed again. “You’ve definitely had one too many.” He said.
They were passing by ‘Chez Maria’ now and Rosie exclaimed somewhat unnecessarily, “That’s where I work. The best coffee shop in Dublin.”
“I know,” said Damian. “I deliver cakes to you, remember?”
There was a little alley way right beside ‘Chez Maria’ and Rosie said to Damian; “I’m s..sorry, I think I’m going to be sick. I’m gonna have to go down here for a second.” She staggered in to the alleyway. “God, it looks like someone’s got there before me.”
The alley way was unlit but you could just make out from the light out on the street, the shape of a wheelie bin and two legs stretching on to the ground from behind it.
“Jesus, that’s Anita. I’d know those legs anywhere. She always wears those old fashioned brown tights. Has she no shame. I mean, I know I’m drunk but I’m not that bad that I’m gonna fall asleep on the street. Oh Christ, I think she’s injured or something. There’s blood on the ground.” Rosie walked with a slight sway around the wheelie bin to where Anita was lying and then suddenly she screamed and then started sobbing.
“Rosie, what’s wrong? What’s happened?”
Damian walked around the wheelie bin and gasped at the sight that greeted him. Anita was lying there, her neck discoloured and swollen, her head twisted at an angle and her eyes wide open but with the life completely gone from them.
“She’s …..she’s…….dead.” sobbed Rosie.
Damian pulled Rosie into his arms.
“It’s alright. Come on, it’s ok. It looks like she’s been strangled. We’re going to have to ring the Police. He pulled his mobile phone out of his pocket.
As they stood waiting for the police to arrive, Rosie looked over at the body.
“We’re going to have to let Maria know about this. She was quite friendly with her. She ‘ll want to be told tonight.” Suddenly, Rosie felt a whole lot more sober.
“And to think I was only serving her cupcakes and cappuccino earlier on today. You just don’t know what’s around the corner do you… What’s that in her pocket? It looks a bit like a spring roll….”
“Don’t touch that.” Damian shouted in quite a high pitched panicky voice.
“I mean,” he continued “If you touch anything it’ll make it more difficult for the police.”
“It was the last thing she ever ate…….” Rosie was saying in a sentimental voice. “Little did she know , when she went into the chinese take away and said can I have…………… Hold on a second….that’s not pastry……..Oh, Christ, I think I’m going to be sick.” This time Rosie did get sick all over the ground.
Damian gave her a tissue to help her wipe her mouth.
“It’s his dick. Isn’t it?” he said. “Some one’s cut off his dick and put it in his pocket.”
Soon, the whole area was crawling with police. The ‘crime scene, do not pass ‘yellow tape was stretched across the alley way. Maria turned up looking pale and shaken.
“Poor, poor Anita. She was doing nobody any harm. Why couldn’t they just leave her alone?”
“It was probably one of those fellas she picked up in the café,” said Rosie. “I mean some of them were pissed off with her big time.”
“That’d make sense,” said Damian. “That was probably why they cut it off. It was a statement of their anger with him for pretending to be a woman. “
“She didn’t want to have one while she was alive,” said Maria. “It’s ironic that now it’s been removed, she’s not here to appreciate it.”
“Okay everyone; make some space to let the state pathologist and forensics through. If you’ve made your statements, you can leave. It’s only hampering the police investigation to have too many people clogging up the area.” The police officer then lowered his voice as he spoke to the pathologist but you could just about make out; “That’s right. Completely cut off. Inserted into the victim’s jacket pocket. No, no one’s touched it.”
“Come on,” said Rosie, who was now feeling 100 per cent sober. “Let’s all go back to mine for a much needed cup of tea.”
“Thanks Rosie.” Maria linked her arm and Damian followed behind.
Joe Daly looked out his bedroom window over his coffee shop at the other end of the street. The noise of the police cars was keeping him awake and being naturally curious by nature, he wanted to know what was going on.
“Would ya ever close that winda and get back in ta bed, ye nosy git,” his wife roared at him. You’re letting all the cold air in.”
“Just a second, my loveliness,” Joe tended to defer to his wife. He knew from experience that she always came out the better in a row.
“There’s something big going on and I think it’s up beside ‘Chez Maria.’ Hold on, there’s Jimmy going past. Jimmy, Jimmy , Up here ye muppet. What’s going on down there? Why’s it crawling with cops?”
“Jesus, dya not hear, Joe? That tranny, Anita’s been murdered. Ye know the one who worked in Centra. “And you’ll never guess what they did to her. They cut off her…..”
At that point, a van drove past on the street and drowned out what Jimmy was saying.
“I didn’t quite catch that, Jimmy. Cut off her………..?”
The van was gone but Jimmy was still shouting.
“Her mickey. They cut off her mickey.”
“Jesus, that’s gross. There are some space cadets out there.”
“Whose mickey got cut off?” Joe’s wife had overheard and was now interested.
“Where did this happen, Jimmy?” asked Joe.
In the laneway beside that new coffee shop…what’s it called ..something posh….”
“’Chez Maria’,” yes! Joe rubbed his hand together gleefully.
“What are you so god damn happy about when someone has just lost their life?” asked his wife
“Chez Maria.” It’s only been taking all my business since it opened. Looks like that murderer has saved me the trouble of trying to drive that bitch out. I mean, who’s going to want to continue running a coffee shop, when someone has been murdered right outside it?”
Maria decided to close ‘Chez Maria’ the day of the funeral as a mark of respect.
“After all, Anita was a regular customer here. I wouldn’t feel right carrying on as usual, when she was being laid to rest.”
“There‘s talk that you might close down altogether,” ventured Rosie hesitantly.
“Why would I do that? You get good and bad in every area. And in my opinion, this area is no worse than anywhere else. After all, there was someone murdered in’ Foxrock’ last week – Did you read about that in the papers? A man was found stabbed outside his house. “ “No, that was ‘Foxlane’, Maria,” said Rosie. “It’s two streets away from here.”
Anyway, I have every confidence in the police bringing the perpetrator to justice. In fact, they are coming in to have a chat with the two of us this afternoon.”
Rosie knew they were police, before they even showed her their I D. There was something about the way the first one swaggered up to the counter arrogantly, while the second one followed closely on his tail, that gave it away. The first man was small, dumpy and balding. He wore big round glasses and for some reason, he put Rosie in mind of an owl. The second was plump with red hair. In fact, there was something about him that was vaguely familiar.
“I’m detective inspector Collins and this is my assistant, Garda Bacon. We’re here to talk to you about the murder of … ahem, Anita Murphy. Is the proprietor of this coffee shop here? We believe she knew the victim quite well.”
“She’s in the back,” said Rosie. “I’ll go and get her.”
Maria groaned inwardly when she saw who was dealing with the investigation but she hid it with a big smile.
“Nice to meet you, detective Collins and Garda Bacon we’ve met already over the brick through the window incident.
Garda Bacon was munching on a big ‘Snickers’ bar and his reply was a bit hard to decipher.
“Okay. It says here..,” Detective Collins consulted his notebook. “The victim frequented this coffee shop quite a bit. In your opinion, had she any enemies. Anyone who might have wanted to harm her?”
“Well,” said Maria “She had a few boyfriends; I suppose you could call them. You could talk to them……………..”
“She went off with a different fella every time she came in here,” interrupted Rosie. “And what ‘s more she had a bit of a secret they didn’t know about, if you get my drift. Those guys were getting a nasty shock when they got her into the bedroom. You can see why the murderer did what he did, really.”
Garda Bacon nodded whilst scrunching his ‘Snickers’ wrapper up in his hand.
“We need to talk to every single guy that she met up with in here,” said Detective Collins. “Can you tell me roughly how many there were?”
“Let me see……………..,” said Maria. “She was coming in here every day for about a month. She would have met someone every day.”
“Don’t forget , sometimes she went off with more than one at a time,” said Rosie. “Remember the time those office workers were going to a party and they invited her. There was about six of them.”
“That’s right,” said Maria. “Then there was the time they all went bowling. How many was there in that group, Rosie?”
Garda Bacon’s eyes had taken on a startled look. “But, sure we can’t interview all those people,” he spluttered.
“What do you mean we, buddy?” asked Detective Collins. “ You’re going to be doing all the interviewing and it has to be thorough. They all have to be eliminated from our enquiries.”
“But…but I’m new to detective work . I’m gonna need someone to show me the ropes.”
“Excuse me a moment,” Detective Collins ushered Garda Bacon to one side.
“Now listen,” he was attempting to whisper but because he was angry the tone of his voice went up an octave. “I’m investigating four murders at the moment, of which this is the least high profile. Now, you know where I am if you’ve any real difficulties, but I’m going to be leaving the bulk of this investigation to you. It’s not my fault there’s so many cutbacks at the moment. Now, could you try and show a bit more professionalism and at least act like you know what you’re doing.”
He came back over to Rosie and Maria.
“Would you be able to identify all the men that Ms. Murphy befriended in here?”
“I think so,” said Maria. “We should be able to between the two of us. Most of them are regulars. We see them all the time.”
“Well then, my suggestion is this: Garda Bacon can base himself here every day under cover. And you can let him know if any of the suspects come in for coffee.”
“I’m not so sure……I’ve always been based at the station.” Garda Bacon was starting to look like a little boy whose favourite teddy had been taken away.”
“Come on, Garda Bacon.” Detective Collins gave him a warning look. “It’s not a problem.”
“Look on the bright side,” said Rosie. “At least you’ll be able to have a nice cup of coffee.”
“My cappacinos are legendary,” smiled Maria
“Yeah, “ said Garda Bacon. “But will I be able to find a decent Pizzeria around here.? That’s what I want to know.”
Joe Daly hummed to himself as he wiped down the counter. There had been a steady stream of customers to ‘Joe’s Café’ all morning. What a relief that everything was back to the way it used to be before ‘that coffee shop’ as he liked to call it, had been opened.
“We will, we will rock you.” Joe was singing now and drumming his fingers on the counter as accompaniment
“Isn’t it great?” he said to Rasher. “We haven’t been this busy in months.”
“That’d be because ‘Chez Maria’ has closed today on account of Anita being buried.”
“What do you mean today? She’s closed down altogether ‘cos she couldn’t cope with this area. “Ding dong the witch is dead. The wicked witch is dead,” Joe sang in a high pitched voice that would be worthy of panto.
“Well, no actually. She’s opening up again tomorrow. I was talking to Rosie this morning.” Rasher ventured timidly, aware that he was bursting Joe’s bubble.
“No, no she can’t be.” Joe was drumming the counter again but this time he wasn’t singing along. “That bitch is closing down and I’m going to get my business back, are ye with me?” Rasher almost stepped back because the expression on his face was so frightening.
“Rasher,” he was saying now. “If she opens tomorrow, I’m going to make sure it’s her last day. Do ye know why it’s going to be her last day, Rasher?”
“No,” said Rasher, nervously.
“Because she’s not going to have a coffee shop to open the following day. I’m gonna do what I shoulda done all along. I’m gonna shove a petrol soaked rag through her letter box. The wooden floor and tables won’t be long catching fire and the whole shooting gallery will go up like a roman candle! “
Maria was chilling out at home with a glass of wine and once again she took her mother’s photograph down from the mantelpiece.
“Mother, something terrible happened this weekend,” she said in a dramatic fashion. “Anita was murdered outside the coffee shop. I know, it’s shocking isn’t it? I won’t offend your sensibilities by telling you the brutal details of this crime but let’s just say the person who murdered her must have had an awful grudge. But, Mother I am not going to let this affect the coffee shop. With your help from above, I am going to continue running it and it’s going to remain the best for miles around. I can safely say that short of it being burnt to the ground, there is nothing that is going to stop me.”
CHAPTER 6
Garda Bacon was sitting on his own at a table beside the door. He was eating a very large chocolate muffin, a rather messy business, as a lot of it was smeared on his face. He had a large cappuccino in a big round white porcelain cup in front of him.
“Well, he seems to be settling in, I suppose,” Maria said to Rosie
“What’s he wearing , though? He doesn’t exactly blend in. I would’ve thought if you were undercover you should try not to stand out too much.
He had a pair of light blue trousers on, matched with a deeper blue fair isle jumper. The design on the jumper was quite dramatic- bright red and green diamonds.
“Maybe he’s going golfing afterwards.” They both giggled.
“Any sign of any of Anita’s boyfriends coming in?” asked Rosie
“More than likely, they’ll be in at lunch time. Those office workers that she was friendly with come in every day.
Garda Bacon looked up then and caught Maria’s eye. Maria mimed cleaning her face with her hand. He looked blankly at her for a second or two before copping on and taking out a big hankerchief and wiping his face with it.
“Dya know who he reminds me of?” Rosie said. “My nephew, Adam.”
“Why, does he look like him?”
“No,” said Rosie. Just the way he got chocolate all over his face. Adam’s always doing that. He’s five.”
Lunchtime arrived and sure enough about five or six of the office workers Maria had been talking about arrived in. But Garda Bacon was nowhere to be seen.
“He said he was going to get chips and he’d be back in five minutes. That was twenty minutes ago.”
“I told him the best time to talk with the suspects was around half one. That’s when they come in for their lunch. He mustn’t have been listening.” Maria sounded exasperated.
“The only thing he seems to be interested in is his stomach,” said Rosie.
“He could have had a sandwich here. We do a very good selection. Why didn’t he do that?”
“I think he’s more of a fast food man. Oh….here he is now.”
Garda Bacon strolled in the door with his ‘Sun’ newspaper under his arm.
Maria looked at Garda Bacon and nodded over at the group sitting around one of the tables. They were all very well dressed in tailored suits and they were quite a lively bunch. In fact, the sound of their laughter was drowning everything else out.
Garda Bacon came up to the counter “Is everything all right?” It was clear Maria would need to spell it out to him.
“There’s your suspects over there, ” she said. “They all knew Anita. There’s an empty booth over there if you want to some privacy to interrogate them.”
“Thanks,” said Garda Bacon. “I’ll take it from here.”
He strutted down to their table, his large belly wobbling a little under his jumper. Nobody noticed him coming, they were so engrossed in conversation.
“Ahem.” He cleared his throat to get their attention. “I’m Garda Bacon and……………”
“Sorry, mate. I already give money to concern, ” a tall guy in a shiny blue suit said, hardly even giving him a second glance.
“No, you don’t understand. “ He flashed his badge. “I’m Garda Bacon and I’m here to talk to you in relation to the death of Anita Murphy.”
To his shock, they all started laughing. “Ok,” a blonde guy in a black suit with a black tie to match, shouted. “ Who’s responsible for this wind up.? It’s you isn’t it.?” He pointed at another man across the table who was also wearing a suit and tie to match in navy. “You’re a sore loser. Just cos I beat you at darts………….”
“Excuse me, this isn’t a joke. I am a genuine member of the Garda Siochana and……………”
“Yeah, and I’m Barrack Obama.” They all laughed heartily.
Once they realised it wasn’t a joke - it took Maria to come down and verify that Garda Bacon was who he said he was – he propelled his first suspect in to the booth. The tall guy in the shiny suit sat down with a big smirk on his face, making it obvious that he wasn’t taking the investigation too seriously. Rosie decided to go down and wipe the tables in the hope of over hearing what was going on.
“So,” Garda Bacon started. “Can you tell me a bit about your friendship with….eh…. Ms.
Murphy?”
“Well, we all knew her,” said shiny suit. “We used to meet her in here at lunchtime.”
“Yes, but I want to know about your particular ….eh….friendship with her.”
“How dya mean?” He sensed Garda Bacon’s discomfort and decided to make life difficult for him.
“I mean were you having a ….um physical relationship with her?”
“You mean was I riding her?” shiny suit stared back at Garda Bacon brazenly. “Well, you have to agree she was a very attractive woman but, no things didn’t get that far.”
“So, something was going on?” you knew Garda Bacon was squirming just by the sound of his voice.
“We might have kissed a bit. She was a very passionate woman, you know. She liked to…..”
“That’s okay,” interrupted Garda Bacon. “You don’t have to tell me everything about it. I imagine you must have felt angry when you found out her secret. Angry enough to possibly attack her.”
“If you’re trying to pin her murder on me, you’re wasting your time. I was away in London the night she met her end. I can give you the number of the hotel I was staying in, if you want to verify it.”
“You can give me that,” said Garda Bacon. “And that’s all for the moment. Could you tell the next of your friends to come in for a chat?”
“Sure thing, governor.” Shiny suit doffed an imaginary cap and departed with another smirk on his face. When passing by his friends, he pointed his thumb in the direction of the booth.
“Next,” he grinned. He whispered something in the next interviewee’s ear, who then burst out laughing. “All the gory details?”
“Don’t hold back,” said shiny suit. “The man gets off on this shit.”
A half an hour later and a third suspect was being interrogated- The man in the black suit with matching tie. You could hear Garda Bacon’s voice becoming more and more high pitched.
“I told you already, I don’t need to know exactly what you and Ms. Murphy got up to. You had a physical relationship. That’s all I need to know.”
“Well, you wanted to know if I went to bed with her. I was just trying to explain exactly what happened. We were in her apartment. She took off her top and then I….”
“Now, look,” Garda Bacon sound almost hysterical. “ All I need to know was did you find out that she was actually a man.”
“I’m getting to that. We went back to her apartment. She said; ”It’d be much more comfortable in the bedroom. “ So, I led her by the hand……………”
“I can’t take any more of this. Just tell me where you were on the night of her murder.”
“Oh, I was in London with Smithy. Did he not mention it? If you ring the hotel…”
“Yes I know.” Garda Bacon sounded like he was on the verge of tears. “That’s all. Now send the next one over to me.”
Garda Bacon was finishing up. He was talking to the last suspect, who was also giving him a hard time in a different way.
He was an older man in his fifties and he wasn’t as forthcoming as the others.
“Are you trying to insinuate that I might have gone off with a tranny? You’ve got a bloody nerve.”
“I’m just trying to establish the nature of your friendship with her. After all, you mightn’t have known that she wasn’t……..”
“Oh, I knew alright. And I didn’t go near her. And quite frankly I don’t take kindly to being accused of it.” He was very red in the face as he said this and Garda Bacon took note. Could be a sign of guilt.
“Well, can you tell me of your whereabouts on the night of the murder?”
“Yes, I was in my elderly mother’s house, taking care of her. Somebody has to, you know. I get no help from the state.” He was actually shouting now.
“That’s fine,” said Garda Bacon. “At least you’ll have an alibi.”
“She’s got alzheimers,” he spat angrily.
“Whew!” the last suspect had left, muttering angrily to himself all the way out the door and Garda Bacon breathed a sigh of relief , not realising everyone could hear him.
“Bring him down a large chocolate muffin and a cappuccino, on the house,” Maria instructed Rosie. “I think he’s in need of it.”
“Thanks.” He took a bite out of the muffin straight away. “And, if any more friends of Anita arrive in, I don’t want to know about it, Okay? I’ll get them the next time.”
Maria was on her way up to ‘Chez Maria’. It was twenty five to ten. Opening time was half nine and she was hoping Rosie wasn’t waiting outside for her. Especially as she had had to pull her up for her time keeping the week before. She broke in to a bit of a run, realising she probably looked ridiculous in her high heels. She was going so fast, unfortunately, that she didn’t have time to stop when someone suddenly came out of a side road.
“Woah! I’m not sure if it’s my lucky day or not. I nearly got knocked to the ground, but by a beautiful woman!”
“Mark!” Maria hadn’t seen him since the incident with the gangland killers.
“Well, it’s great to see you. How’s life treating you?”
“Oh I’m trucking along. We got a job building an extension on ‘Bridge St.’ so I’m busy with that at the moment.”
Mark worked as a builder and during the boom years he had been working constantly. However, now with the downturn in the economy, he was grateful for anything .
“That’s great news,” said Maria. “I know how hard it is at the moment.”
“And I’ve some other good news as well. The three Johnson brothers have been put away for ten years each.”
“Oh, you must be so relieved. I don’t know how you coped, knowing they could attack you any time.”
“Sam says I should still be careful. They could get one of their friends to do the job.”
“Still,” said Maria. “The streets are a safer place with those thugs off them.”
“It’s great to see you again,” Mark smiled at her affectionately. “ How about, we meet up for a drink later on and catch up properly.”
Maria was a bit taken aback. She hadn’t been expecting this.
“Look,” said Mark, noticing her reticence. “ This is a ‘no strings’ invitation. Just two old friends getting together for a chinwag.”
“Why not?” Maria grinned. “I haven’t been out for a few drinks in a while.”
“There’s no such thing as a ‘no strings’ invitation when a man asks a woman out.” Rosie and Maria were having a bit of a chat during a rare quiet moment in the coffee shop. “And, anyway It’s been obvious to everyone except you that he’s been mad about you from day one.”
“I trust Mark,” said Maria quietly. “When he says he wants to meet as friends, I believe him. I’m not ready to get involved with anyone at the moment.”
“That’s what I thought until I met Damian,” said Rosie dreamily. “And look how happy we are together. He brought me to see ‘Imelda May’ in ‘the Olympia’ last night, you know. I didn’t even know we were going. He bought the tickets as a surprise ‘cos he knows I’m a big fan of hers. That’s the sort he is. He’s always doing nice things for me.”
“Well, you’re lucky to have met someone like him.” Maria smiled indulgently. Rosie talked about Damian all the time lately. But that was only because she was so happy. It was funny that no matter what they were talking about, the conversation always seemed to somehow come round to Damian. Like now.
“He seems to know instinctively what I want,” Rosie was saying. “Like last night, during the interval ,I was thinking to myself , I would love a glass of wine. Didn’t he come back from the loo with a glass of wine for me and a beer for himself. And I wouldn’t mind, I normally drink beer! And then later on…..”
But Maria was no longer listening. She was deciding on her outfit for that night in her mind. No point in dressing up too much, she was thinking. It might give the wrong impression.
That night , Maria sat waiting in O’Briens. She was wearing a low cut, black halter neck top with a skintight pair of jeans she had bought a while ago but never worn because they were a bit much. The top is a bit skimpy, she thought to herself but then it is very warm out tonight. And I had to wear these jeans sometime ,otherwise I’d be wasting my money. Mark arrived in, looking very dashing, in a pair of beige chinos and a new looking check shirt. Maria soon realised how new it was when he turned around and she saw the label hanging down from his collar. She had to whisper gently in his ear and he disappeared in to the bathroom with a red face. But, soon they were getting on like a house on fire, chatting away over a couple of drinks.
“I must say, I admire you the way you’ve set up ‘Chez Maria” on your own and managed to make it so successful,” Mark was saying.
“Well, I firmly believe my mother is up there giving me a helping hand. It was, after all her dying wish that I follow my dream.”
“And I admire your strong belief,” Mark hoped he wasn’t laying it on too thick .
“Don’t forget, you haven’t done so badly yourself. You set up your building business and made a success of it.”
“Yes, but that was during the boom years. Everybody was doing well in the building trade then. Now is a different story. We’re just managing to keep our heads above water at the moment.”
“Well, I’m sure things will pick up. Do you have any family to support, Mark or is it just you?”
“No, just me, thank God. I’ve no children. I never married, too busy out enjoying myself.”
“You’re better off,” said Maria quietly. “And though I’m so lucky to have Zoe, It can be difficult being a single mother.”
“Is Zoe a difficult teenager?” asked Mark.
“No more than any other. We have had a few arguments over ‘Chez Maria’. She was dead set against me setting it up. She said it was in the wrong area and I’d have to deal with a lot of troublemakers. Well, I’ve certainly proved her wrong.”
“Eh, yeah,” said Mark.
When they left the pub, Mark walked her up to the taxi rank and was a true gentleman, not even trying to hold her hand. The funny thing was, Maria sort of wished he would. There was a line of taxis waiting and Maria cursed to herself. She had hoped there would be none there and that would have given them longer together. She was just getting into the taxi, when suddenly she turned around.
“How about you come back with me to my place.? Zoe’s not around this weekend. She’s staying in her aunts.” It just slipped out. She hadn’t intended to say anything.
She never saw anyone get into a taxi so fast.
“Let’s go,” said Mark
“Well, ok. It would be fair to say, that we are more than just friends.” Rosie had known the minute she had come in the door that something had happened, just by the rosy glow on Maria’s face.
That’s the face of someone who’s had a really good night,” she had thought.
“I’m so pleased for you,” gushed Rosie. “No one deserves happiness more than you.”
“It’s early days yet,” said Maria. “But to be honest, I haven’t felt this way about anyone in a long time. Since Joe left me, I haven’t bothered with men much. I didn’t feel that I could trust anyone. But, it’s different with Mark.” There was a shy smile on her face now. “He’s such a genuine and kind person.”
“When are you meeting him again?” asked Rosie.
“I’m meeting him tomorrow night for a meal. He’s bringing me to this new Italian restaurant, in town. They make their own pasta in house. Keep your fingers crossed that we get on as well as we did last night.”
Maria needn’t have worried. Their date in the restaurant went really well. So much so, that they were meeting practically every night after that. She even invited him around to meet Zoe a week after they started dating. She had been dreading it, but to her surprise, the two of them got on really well.
“Maybe you’d talk some sense into her and get her to close down that lousy coffee shop,” Zoe and Mark were talking about Maria as if she wasn’t there.
“I don’t think anyone in the area thinks it’s lousy,” said Mark. “It’s actually known for miles around.”
Maria smiled. Mark always took her side.
“Yes, but it’s not safe. Look what happened to that poor transsexual, right outside the door.”
“Your mother is hell bent on making ‘Chez Maria’ a big success,” Mark smiled at Maria. “And I don’t think there’s much we can do to stop her!”
“Come round and have a coffee.” Maria was on the phone to Mark. “It’s quiet at the moment and I’d love to see you. ….. But it’s safe. All the gangland killers have been put away. Come on, you haven’t had one of my famous cappuccinos in ages. ….Do you have to bring Sam? There’s no need anymore.” But Mark said he wasn’t coming without Sam.
“Sam says, it’s not one hundred per cent safe. When I’m going anywhere in the local area I should still watch out. It’s safer for you to have him there. Anyway, he says he fancies a coffee!”
So, Mark came round to ‘Chez Maria ‘for the first time since the gangland killers had come in. And once again, Sam sat at the door keeping an eye out.
Soon, it had become a daily occurance. Mark would pop down at lunch time and because Sam was working with him building the extension, he was able to come along each time aswell. Maria always had freshly made sandwiches for them and the cake of their choice after they had wolfed them down. Garda Bacon was still under cover, trying to find Anita’s murderer and still wearing bizarrely bright clothes. He didn’t turn up every day and when he did he always looked fed up. Maria told Mark about him, when he came in one day.
“I don’t think he’s cut out for detective work. He’s only interviewed about twenty people and there is a lot more to go.”
“I’d never think of wearing cream trousers with a light blue jumper,” said Mark. “It’s a brave look.”
“Oh, here comes someone who was friendly with Anita that he hasn’t talked to. He’s not going to like it. He normally pops out about now for his chips.”
And sure enough, when Maria went down and whispered in his ear, Garda Bacon put his eyes up to heaven. Both her and Mark stifled their giggles as he went up to approach the suspect.
“Yeah I knew her. What’s it to you, mate?”
“I think he’s in for a bumpy ride,” giggled Maria.
“Could I have a Cappuccino and a slice of carrot cake, dear,” the old lady spoke in a kind of falsetto accent.
“And I’ll have the same, love,” her friend sounded even more peculiar. Her voice was kind of squeaky. As though she had just breathed in a load of helium.
They were both very well built old ladies as well. They were both wearing big thick glasses which practically obscured their faces. The parts of their faces that you could see were very made up, with bright red lipstick on both their lips. This is what Rosie noticed most about them. They both seemed to be the same as each other. Even their hair looked similar, very white with loads of tight curls. When Rosie handed one of them their change, she was surprised to see that she was wearing black gloves. She couldn’t help thinking this was strange seeing as it was the middle of May. They went and sat down with their coffee, one of them going a bit slower as she was carrying a shopping bag that looked very heavy. Rosie soon forgot about them when Garda Bacon arrived up to the counter. “I’ll have another BLT and a coke. And can you bring them down to me.?”
“Sorry, you’ll have to wait while I make the BLT. We’re too busy to bring stuff down to people at the moment.”
Garda Bacon had really being annoying her lately, constantly asking her to bring food down to him. And he always left such a mess on his table. One day he’d even brought his chips in with him and she had had to clean up the ones he let drop on the floor and wipe the ones away that he had left on the table. Maria had said there was nothing they could do seeing as he was a member of a Garda Siochana. Rosie had decided she was going to stand up to him as much as possible in whatever way she could, from now on.
Maria arrived out from the back room.
“Could you make up some sandwiches for Mark and Sam, Rosie. They’re coming in at one. Oh, and don’t leave Garda Bacon standing there. Bring his sandwich down to him.”
Rosie muttered to herself.
“Who are those two over there?” Maria lowered her voice. “They’re a bit strange looking aren’t they?”
“I know, why are they wearing such heavy coats at this time of the year?” The two old ladies had long black wool coats on them down to the ground.
“You‘d think they’d have taken them off when……….. Jesus Rosie, look at her wrist.”
One of the old ladies had picked up her coffee cup and lifted it to her mouth. The sleeve of her coat fell down, revealing her arm as she did so. Her arm was very muscular and very hairy.
“That’s no old lady,” Rosie said slowly. “That’s a man.” The two of them had a good look at the figures in the black coats and then they looked at each other.
“They’re wearing wigs,” said Maria. “It’s obvious they’re not old ladies by the size of them. But why……..?”
“There’s something funny in that shopping bag, “said Rosie. “Is it metal? Can you see it from where you’re standing, Maria?”
“The two were staring back at Maria and Rosie, now. They knew they had been discovered. Suddenly, one of them put their hand in the shopping bag and pulled out the mystery object. It was a machine gun.
“Right everybody, I want you all to stay where you are and don’t move.” He cut a grotesque figure with his white curly haired wig and his bright red lipstick painted crudely on to his mouth. As it was coming up to lunch time, there were quite a few people in the coffee shop. There was a few horrified gasps, a few stifled sobs and a few people who hadn’t noticed the gun man, who continued on talking. “May I have your attention, please,” he spoke as though he was addressing a rally of some kind. “Will everybody stop what they are doing? Put their hands on the table. Nobody’s gonna get hurt if they do what they’re told.”
By now, everyone realised what was going on and an outraged murmur was spreading through the coffee shop. Maria was trying to send a text message on her mobile phone under the counter but the gunman was on to her.
“I said put your hands where I can see them, bitch,” he spat at her. “We don’t want you warning your boyfriend, do we? We don’t want to ruin the surprise.”
“You’re here to get Mark, aren’t you,” the horrific realisation had dawned on Maria. “Yeah, we’re working for the Johnsons. We’re under strict instructions to blow your boyfriend brains out and we always follow strict instructions to the letter. We came in here under cover to do the job quietly, but now you’ve spotted us, things are going to have to be done the hard way.” He stood up and pointed the gun at all the terrified customers. “See this, I’m not afraid to use it, Okay?”
About ten minutes passed. The gunman had sat down at the table nearest the counter with his gun casually placed on the table beside him. He had been staring at Maria the whole time, in an attempt to intimidate her. His accomplice patrolled the coffee shop to make sure nobody was trying any funny business, as he called it.
“Get your hand out of there, now, right?” he walked up to a woman who had been searching in her handbag and put his face right up to her. He was still wearing the long coat but had taken off the wig and his shaved head contrasting with the heavy make-up and bright red lipstick conspired to make him look very threatening.
“I’m s s sorry. I was just looking for a tissue.”
“Well fucking don’t, right?”
Maria was starting to panic . Mark was due in in a few minutes. In a fit of desperation, she tried pleading with the gunman.
“Mark’s a decent person,” she said. “It’s not his fault he witnessed a murder.”
“He shoulda kept out of it shouldn’t he?” was the answer. “And for that, the bollox is going to pay the price.”
He gestured to his accomplice to look out the window.
“We should be arriving for coffee soon” He grinned evilly at Maria. It was obvious they had been keeping track of Mark’s movements.
Maria was crying now silently, big tears falling down her face. Rosie took her hand in hers.
His accomplice nodded at him then.
“Here they are,” he said almost softly.
The gunman got up and started walking towards the door, however, to everyone’s amazement, he tripped before he could get there and fell flat on his face, his gun flying out of his hand on to the floor , just as Sam walked in. Sam very casually picked up the gun and pointed it at the figure lying on the floor.
“Lost something?” he asked.
“And where do you think you’re rushing off to?” Mark came in just in time to grab hold of the other long coated figure, who was attempting to escape out the door.
“Somebody ring the guards.” Sam had his two captives sitting on a chair with the machine gun firmly pointed at them. Maria was crying hysterically. Mark took her in to his arms.
“It’s alright now,”he said.
“What I don’t understand is how he tripped up that time,” Rosie was saying.
“You can thank me for that,” and to everyone’s amazement a large figure suddenly popped up from underneath the table near the door. “Oh no, look at my cream trousers, they’ve marks alI over them.” He grabbed a serviette and started rubbing furiously. “I tripped him up with my leg.”
“Garda Bacon! It was you.” Rosie laughed. “But what were you doing under the table in the first place?”
“Well, I was eh…looking for something under the table, when those boyos walked in. I thought to myself, it might be a strategic move to stay hidden. And I was right …eh?”
“You of course, weren’t hiding from them, being an officer of the law?” asked Sam with a slight sneer in his voice.
“Of course not,” said Garda Bacon but his face was starting to go red.
“Leave Garda Bacon alone, Sam,” said Mark. After all, he’s certainly saved my bacon today!”
CHAPTER 5
“I’d love to hear you singing, Rosie. Little did I know I was going out with a star in the making tonight!”
Damian smiled across the table at Rosie, a lovely genuine smile that lit up his whole face and Rosie’s stomach did somersaults. She couldn’t believe tonight was going so well and even though she had only been in his company about an hour, she felt that she was falling for him already.
“Oh, I only do a bit of Karaoke, really. I would love to take it up professionally though.”
“Well you definitely should. A good looking girl like you. I can just see you up on that stage, wowing everybody in a sexy black dress.”
Rosie felt herself going red and cursed inwardly. She had been hoping to portray her more confident side tonight.
“You don’t look so bad yourself.” She smiled at him in what she hoped was a seductive manner. And it was true. Damian was looking very handsome in a tight pair of black jeans and a trendy denim shirt, his dark hair gelled off his face in a fashion that suited his chiselled features. A lot more handsome than the guys Rosie normally dated and a lot more chivalrous. All night, he had been opening doors and pulling back chairs for her. And he had brought her to this really nice pizzeria. The last time Rosie had gone on a date, they had gone straight to the local for a couple drinks. And then, after they had paid the chipper a visit on the way home, he had tried to pull her down a laneway to grope her up. There was no doubt about it, Damian was in a different league. She could only hope that she was making a good impression on him.
“I’m just going to pop to the loo.” It was time to check her face. A bit more foundation wouldn’t go astray to make sure her blushes didn’t show.
“Well I’ll order another drink, so. I know what you girls are like.” He gave her a cheeky grin.
“See you in a bit.” Rosie grinned back wishing she could have thought of something more clever to say.
Once in the loo, she went straight up to the mirror to examine herself. She had spent ages getting ready that night and she had a lot more make-up on than usual. She was beginning to wish she hadn’t taken her little sister’s advice though, when she had told her to wear the bright blue eye shadow. Together with the shimmer effect eye liner, it was possibly a bit over the top. Though on the other hand, it did draw attention to her brown eyes. People always said this was her best feature. Rosie sighed. It wasn’t like her to be this unsure of herself.
“Pull yourself together and get back out there.” She said to herself.
When she arrived back at the table, Damian was talking on his mobile phone.
“I can’t tonight I’m afraid. I’ve got a prior engagement. Can it not wait till tomorrow?” He smiled over at Rosie. He frowned then. “Nothing’s that urgent. …………. Yeah I know, but……Hold on a second. That’s my new partner in the business, Gary. He’s found someone who’s willing to supply us with chocolate fudge cakes for next to nothing. We have to clinch the deal tonight or we’ll lose him. Would you mind if I met him for ten minutes. We could meet later in your local – O’Briens, isn’t it? Look, I’m sorry Rosie, This is so rude of me on our first date…..”
“Don’t be silly. Of course it’s ok. I’ll go down to O’Brien’s and order the drinks for us.” Rosie’s heart was missing a beat. The fact that he’d just said ‘our first date’ must mean he wanted to have more dates. After he’d left, Rosie made her way to O’Brien’s smiling happily to herself. It was pretty crowded, being Saturday night so she was pleased with herself when she managed to bag two seats in a quiet alcove. After the barman had brought a pint for Damian and a glass of beer for her, she decided to text all her friends and tell them what a great time she was having and how well she was getting on with Damian. A half an hour later, she had drank her glass of beer and had just ordered another but there was no sign of Damian returning. No point in worrying, she thought to herself. No business meeting is going to finish after ten minutes. Another half an hour passed , she was starting on her third beer and she was starting to feel self-conscious, sitting there on her own. The thought that maybe Damian wasn’t going to turn up at all was starting to creep into her mind. Maybe he’d just rang his friend while she was in the loo and pretended there was a meeting to get away from her. You hear of people doing that all the time. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see some friends of her mother’s up at the bar. They were definitely looking in her direction. They all burst out laughing then and Rosie became convinced they were laughing at the poor eejit who got stood up. I’ll give it another ten minutes and that’s it, she was thinking to herself, when Damian walked past looking for her.
“Damian, I’m over here,” Relief flooded over her.
“Ah, there you are. I was afraid you wouldn’t wait for me. We couldn’t get away from that fella. He’d talk for Ireland he would. And you got me a pint. I could do with it.”
“It’s probably gone flat. It’s been there about an hour now.” Rosie noticed Damian had taken off his denim shirt and now just had a white tee-shirt on. She wasn’t complaining though. She didn’t mind his muscular toned arms being on view at all.
“I’ll go up and get more drink. Yours is nearly finished. I’ll get you another one.”
“Okay,” Rosie wasn’t really used to drinking this much and was already feeling a bit tipsy. But it was in a nice way and for the first time that evening she was starting to feel relaxed. One drink on and Rosie felt herself and Damian were really starting to get to know each other. Damian told her all about his family. How he wasn’t that close to his father – there had always been a bit of a distance between them but that his mother was like his best friend.
“You can tell her anything. She always gives such good advice but she’d never pass judgement on anybody. If I ever have a problem, she is the first person I go to.”
It was clear from the way he was talking, that Damian’s mother was a big influence in his life.
“How about your brothers and sisters? Do you have any?”
“I have two brothers but they’re living in London.” Damian shrugged. “We don’t see much of each other. You know how it is. Out of sight, out of mind.”
Rosie looked at him sympathetically. She was one of five children and they all lived close to each other. You could always pop in on them for a cup of tea. She couldn’t imagine not having her family nearby. Soon she was telling him all about her family and she was surprised by how easy she found him to talk to. Rosie forgot that she had been nervous about meeting him and eased into a long chat like she would have with any of her friends. Of course, the few more drinks she had put her into a good mood as well and by the end of the night she had become positively giddy, giggling for the slightest reason.
It was closing time and Rosie and Damian left O’Brien’s with their arms around each other. Rosie had to put her arms around Damian because otherwise she wouldn’t have been able to stand up straight.
“Are you going, going……to drop me home?” Rosie seemed to think this remark was comedy gold because she started giggling hysterically after she made it.
Damian laughed. “I don’t know if you’d make it without my help, let’s be honest.” he said
Rosie giggled again. “You’re the sort of guy that knows how to look after a girl. I could tell that the minute I met you. And you’re gorg … go..orgeous….. too.”
Damian laughed again. “You’ve definitely had one too many.” He said.
They were passing by ‘Chez Maria’ now and Rosie exclaimed somewhat unnecessarily, “That’s where I work. The best coffee shop in Dublin.”
“I know,” said Damian. “I deliver cakes to you, remember?”
There was a little alley way right beside ‘Chez Maria’ and Rosie said to Damian; “I’m s..sorry, I think I’m going to be sick. I’m gonna have to go down here for a second.” She staggered in to the alleyway. “God, it looks like someone’s got there before me.”
The alley way was unlit but you could just make out from the light out on the street, the shape of a wheelie bin and two legs stretching on to the ground from behind it.
“Jesus, that’s Anita. I’d know those legs anywhere. She always wears those old fashioned brown tights. Has she no shame. I mean, I know I’m drunk but I’m not that bad that I’m gonna fall asleep on the street. Oh Christ, I think she’s injured or something. There’s blood on the ground.” Rosie walked with a slight sway around the wheelie bin to where Anita was lying and then suddenly she screamed and then started sobbing.
“Rosie, what’s wrong? What’s happened?”
Damian walked around the wheelie bin and gasped at the sight that greeted him. Anita was lying there, her neck discoloured and swollen, her head twisted at an angle and her eyes wide open but with the life completely gone from them.
“She’s …..she’s…….dead.” sobbed Rosie.
Damian pulled Rosie into his arms.
“It’s alright. Come on, it’s ok. It looks like she’s been strangled. We’re going to have to ring the Police. He pulled his mobile phone out of his pocket.
As they stood waiting for the police to arrive, Rosie looked over at the body.
“We’re going to have to let Maria know about this. She was quite friendly with her. She ‘ll want to be told tonight.” Suddenly, Rosie felt a whole lot more sober.
“And to think I was only serving her cupcakes and cappuccino earlier on today. You just don’t know what’s around the corner do you… What’s that in her pocket? It looks a bit like a spring roll….”
“Don’t touch that.” Damian shouted in quite a high pitched panicky voice.
“I mean,” he continued “If you touch anything it’ll make it more difficult for the police.”
“It was the last thing she ever ate…….” Rosie was saying in a sentimental voice. “Little did she know , when she went into the chinese take away and said can I have…………… Hold on a second….that’s not pastry……..Oh, Christ, I think I’m going to be sick.” This time Rosie did get sick all over the ground.
Damian gave her a tissue to help her wipe her mouth.
“It’s his dick. Isn’t it?” he said. “Some one’s cut off his dick and put it in his pocket.”
Soon, the whole area was crawling with police. The ‘crime scene, do not pass ‘yellow tape was stretched across the alley way. Maria turned up looking pale and shaken.
“Poor, poor Anita. She was doing nobody any harm. Why couldn’t they just leave her alone?”
“It was probably one of those fellas she picked up in the café,” said Rosie. “I mean some of them were pissed off with her big time.”
“That’d make sense,” said Damian. “That was probably why they cut it off. It was a statement of their anger with him for pretending to be a woman. “
“She didn’t want to have one while she was alive,” said Maria. “It’s ironic that now it’s been removed, she’s not here to appreciate it.”
“Okay everyone; make some space to let the state pathologist and forensics through. If you’ve made your statements, you can leave. It’s only hampering the police investigation to have too many people clogging up the area.” The police officer then lowered his voice as he spoke to the pathologist but you could just about make out; “That’s right. Completely cut off. Inserted into the victim’s jacket pocket. No, no one’s touched it.”
“Come on,” said Rosie, who was now feeling 100 per cent sober. “Let’s all go back to mine for a much needed cup of tea.”
“Thanks Rosie.” Maria linked her arm and Damian followed behind.
Joe Daly looked out his bedroom window over his coffee shop at the other end of the street. The noise of the police cars was keeping him awake and being naturally curious by nature, he wanted to know what was going on.
“Would ya ever close that winda and get back in ta bed, ye nosy git,” his wife roared at him. You’re letting all the cold air in.”
“Just a second, my loveliness,” Joe tended to defer to his wife. He knew from experience that she always came out the better in a row.
“There’s something big going on and I think it’s up beside ‘Chez Maria.’ Hold on, there’s Jimmy going past. Jimmy, Jimmy , Up here ye muppet. What’s going on down there? Why’s it crawling with cops?”
“Jesus, dya not hear, Joe? That tranny, Anita’s been murdered. Ye know the one who worked in Centra. “And you’ll never guess what they did to her. They cut off her…..”
At that point, a van drove past on the street and drowned out what Jimmy was saying.
“I didn’t quite catch that, Jimmy. Cut off her………..?”
The van was gone but Jimmy was still shouting.
“Her mickey. They cut off her mickey.”
“Jesus, that’s gross. There are some space cadets out there.”
“Whose mickey got cut off?” Joe’s wife had overheard and was now interested.
“Where did this happen, Jimmy?” asked Joe.
In the laneway beside that new coffee shop…what’s it called ..something posh….”
“’Chez Maria’,” yes! Joe rubbed his hand together gleefully.
“What are you so god damn happy about when someone has just lost their life?” asked his wife
“Chez Maria.” It’s only been taking all my business since it opened. Looks like that murderer has saved me the trouble of trying to drive that bitch out. I mean, who’s going to want to continue running a coffee shop, when someone has been murdered right outside it?”
Maria decided to close ‘Chez Maria’ the day of the funeral as a mark of respect.
“After all, Anita was a regular customer here. I wouldn’t feel right carrying on as usual, when she was being laid to rest.”
“There‘s talk that you might close down altogether,” ventured Rosie hesitantly.
“Why would I do that? You get good and bad in every area. And in my opinion, this area is no worse than anywhere else. After all, there was someone murdered in’ Foxrock’ last week – Did you read about that in the papers? A man was found stabbed outside his house. “ “No, that was ‘Foxlane’, Maria,” said Rosie. “It’s two streets away from here.”
Anyway, I have every confidence in the police bringing the perpetrator to justice. In fact, they are coming in to have a chat with the two of us this afternoon.”
Rosie knew they were police, before they even showed her their I D. There was something about the way the first one swaggered up to the counter arrogantly, while the second one followed closely on his tail, that gave it away. The first man was small, dumpy and balding. He wore big round glasses and for some reason, he put Rosie in mind of an owl. The second was plump with red hair. In fact, there was something about him that was vaguely familiar.
“I’m detective inspector Collins and this is my assistant, Garda Bacon. We’re here to talk to you about the murder of … ahem, Anita Murphy. Is the proprietor of this coffee shop here? We believe she knew the victim quite well.”
“She’s in the back,” said Rosie. “I’ll go and get her.”
Maria groaned inwardly when she saw who was dealing with the investigation but she hid it with a big smile.
“Nice to meet you, detective Collins and Garda Bacon we’ve met already over the brick through the window incident.
Garda Bacon was munching on a big ‘Snickers’ bar and his reply was a bit hard to decipher.
“Okay. It says here..,” Detective Collins consulted his notebook. “The victim frequented this coffee shop quite a bit. In your opinion, had she any enemies. Anyone who might have wanted to harm her?”
“Well,” said Maria “She had a few boyfriends; I suppose you could call them. You could talk to them……………..”
“She went off with a different fella every time she came in here,” interrupted Rosie. “And what ‘s more she had a bit of a secret they didn’t know about, if you get my drift. Those guys were getting a nasty shock when they got her into the bedroom. You can see why the murderer did what he did, really.”
Garda Bacon nodded whilst scrunching his ‘Snickers’ wrapper up in his hand.
“We need to talk to every single guy that she met up with in here,” said Detective Collins. “Can you tell me roughly how many there were?”
“Let me see……………..,” said Maria. “She was coming in here every day for about a month. She would have met someone every day.”
“Don’t forget , sometimes she went off with more than one at a time,” said Rosie. “Remember the time those office workers were going to a party and they invited her. There was about six of them.”
“That’s right,” said Maria. “Then there was the time they all went bowling. How many was there in that group, Rosie?”
Garda Bacon’s eyes had taken on a startled look. “But, sure we can’t interview all those people,” he spluttered.
“What do you mean we, buddy?” asked Detective Collins. “ You’re going to be doing all the interviewing and it has to be thorough. They all have to be eliminated from our enquiries.”
“But…but I’m new to detective work . I’m gonna need someone to show me the ropes.”
“Excuse me a moment,” Detective Collins ushered Garda Bacon to one side.
“Now listen,” he was attempting to whisper but because he was angry the tone of his voice went up an octave. “I’m investigating four murders at the moment, of which this is the least high profile. Now, you know where I am if you’ve any real difficulties, but I’m going to be leaving the bulk of this investigation to you. It’s not my fault there’s so many cutbacks at the moment. Now, could you try and show a bit more professionalism and at least act like you know what you’re doing.”
He came back over to Rosie and Maria.
“Would you be able to identify all the men that Ms. Murphy befriended in here?”
“I think so,” said Maria. “We should be able to between the two of us. Most of them are regulars. We see them all the time.”
“Well then, my suggestion is this: Garda Bacon can base himself here every day under cover. And you can let him know if any of the suspects come in for coffee.”
“I’m not so sure……I’ve always been based at the station.” Garda Bacon was starting to look like a little boy whose favourite teddy had been taken away.”
“Come on, Garda Bacon.” Detective Collins gave him a warning look. “It’s not a problem.”
“Look on the bright side,” said Rosie. “At least you’ll be able to have a nice cup of coffee.”
“My cappacinos are legendary,” smiled Maria
“Yeah, “ said Garda Bacon. “But will I be able to find a decent Pizzeria around here.? That’s what I want to know.”
Joe Daly hummed to himself as he wiped down the counter. There had been a steady stream of customers to ‘Joe’s Café’ all morning. What a relief that everything was back to the way it used to be before ‘that coffee shop’ as he liked to call it, had been opened.
“We will, we will rock you.” Joe was singing now and drumming his fingers on the counter as accompaniment
“Isn’t it great?” he said to Rasher. “We haven’t been this busy in months.”
“That’d be because ‘Chez Maria’ has closed today on account of Anita being buried.”
“What do you mean today? She’s closed down altogether ‘cos she couldn’t cope with this area. “Ding dong the witch is dead. The wicked witch is dead,” Joe sang in a high pitched voice that would be worthy of panto.
“Well, no actually. She’s opening up again tomorrow. I was talking to Rosie this morning.” Rasher ventured timidly, aware that he was bursting Joe’s bubble.
“No, no she can’t be.” Joe was drumming the counter again but this time he wasn’t singing along. “That bitch is closing down and I’m going to get my business back, are ye with me?” Rasher almost stepped back because the expression on his face was so frightening.
“Rasher,” he was saying now. “If she opens tomorrow, I’m going to make sure it’s her last day. Do ye know why it’s going to be her last day, Rasher?”
“No,” said Rasher, nervously.
“Because she’s not going to have a coffee shop to open the following day. I’m gonna do what I shoulda done all along. I’m gonna shove a petrol soaked rag through her letter box. The wooden floor and tables won’t be long catching fire and the whole shooting gallery will go up like a roman candle! “
Maria was chilling out at home with a glass of wine and once again she took her mother’s photograph down from the mantelpiece.
“Mother, something terrible happened this weekend,” she said in a dramatic fashion. “Anita was murdered outside the coffee shop. I know, it’s shocking isn’t it? I won’t offend your sensibilities by telling you the brutal details of this crime but let’s just say the person who murdered her must have had an awful grudge. But, Mother I am not going to let this affect the coffee shop. With your help from above, I am going to continue running it and it’s going to remain the best for miles around. I can safely say that short of it being burnt to the ground, there is nothing that is going to stop me.”
CHAPTER 6
Garda Bacon was sitting on his own at a table beside the door. He was eating a very large chocolate muffin, a rather messy business, as a lot of it was smeared on his face. He had a large cappuccino in a big round white porcelain cup in front of him.
“Well, he seems to be settling in, I suppose,” Maria said to Rosie
“What’s he wearing , though? He doesn’t exactly blend in. I would’ve thought if you were undercover you should try not to stand out too much.
He had a pair of light blue trousers on, matched with a deeper blue fair isle jumper. The design on the jumper was quite dramatic- bright red and green diamonds.
“Maybe he’s going golfing afterwards.” They both giggled.
“Any sign of any of Anita’s boyfriends coming in?” asked Rosie
“More than likely, they’ll be in at lunch time. Those office workers that she was friendly with come in every day.
Garda Bacon looked up then and caught Maria’s eye. Maria mimed cleaning her face with her hand. He looked blankly at her for a second or two before copping on and taking out a big hankerchief and wiping his face with it.
“Dya know who he reminds me of?” Rosie said. “My nephew, Adam.”
“Why, does he look like him?”
“No,” said Rosie. Just the way he got chocolate all over his face. Adam’s always doing that. He’s five.”
Lunchtime arrived and sure enough about five or six of the office workers Maria had been talking about arrived in. But Garda Bacon was nowhere to be seen.
“He said he was going to get chips and he’d be back in five minutes. That was twenty minutes ago.”
“I told him the best time to talk with the suspects was around half one. That’s when they come in for their lunch. He mustn’t have been listening.” Maria sounded exasperated.
“The only thing he seems to be interested in is his stomach,” said Rosie.
“He could have had a sandwich here. We do a very good selection. Why didn’t he do that?”
“I think he’s more of a fast food man. Oh….here he is now.”
Garda Bacon strolled in the door with his ‘Sun’ newspaper under his arm.
Maria looked at Garda Bacon and nodded over at the group sitting around one of the tables. They were all very well dressed in tailored suits and they were quite a lively bunch. In fact, the sound of their laughter was drowning everything else out.
Garda Bacon came up to the counter “Is everything all right?” It was clear Maria would need to spell it out to him.
“There’s your suspects over there, ” she said. “They all knew Anita. There’s an empty booth over there if you want to some privacy to interrogate them.”
“Thanks,” said Garda Bacon. “I’ll take it from here.”
He strutted down to their table, his large belly wobbling a little under his jumper. Nobody noticed him coming, they were so engrossed in conversation.
“Ahem.” He cleared his throat to get their attention. “I’m Garda Bacon and……………”
“Sorry, mate. I already give money to concern, ” a tall guy in a shiny blue suit said, hardly even giving him a second glance.
“No, you don’t understand. “ He flashed his badge. “I’m Garda Bacon and I’m here to talk to you in relation to the death of Anita Murphy.”
To his shock, they all started laughing. “Ok,” a blonde guy in a black suit with a black tie to match, shouted. “ Who’s responsible for this wind up.? It’s you isn’t it.?” He pointed at another man across the table who was also wearing a suit and tie to match in navy. “You’re a sore loser. Just cos I beat you at darts………….”
“Excuse me, this isn’t a joke. I am a genuine member of the Garda Siochana and……………”
“Yeah, and I’m Barrack Obama.” They all laughed heartily.
Once they realised it wasn’t a joke - it took Maria to come down and verify that Garda Bacon was who he said he was – he propelled his first suspect in to the booth. The tall guy in the shiny suit sat down with a big smirk on his face, making it obvious that he wasn’t taking the investigation too seriously. Rosie decided to go down and wipe the tables in the hope of over hearing what was going on.
“So,” Garda Bacon started. “Can you tell me a bit about your friendship with….eh…. Ms.
Murphy?”
“Well, we all knew her,” said shiny suit. “We used to meet her in here at lunchtime.”
“Yes, but I want to know about your particular ….eh….friendship with her.”
“How dya mean?” He sensed Garda Bacon’s discomfort and decided to make life difficult for him.
“I mean were you having a ….um physical relationship with her?”
“You mean was I riding her?” shiny suit stared back at Garda Bacon brazenly. “Well, you have to agree she was a very attractive woman but, no things didn’t get that far.”
“So, something was going on?” you knew Garda Bacon was squirming just by the sound of his voice.
“We might have kissed a bit. She was a very passionate woman, you know. She liked to…..”
“That’s okay,” interrupted Garda Bacon. “You don’t have to tell me everything about it. I imagine you must have felt angry when you found out her secret. Angry enough to possibly attack her.”
“If you’re trying to pin her murder on me, you’re wasting your time. I was away in London the night she met her end. I can give you the number of the hotel I was staying in, if you want to verify it.”
“You can give me that,” said Garda Bacon. “And that’s all for the moment. Could you tell the next of your friends to come in for a chat?”
“Sure thing, governor.” Shiny suit doffed an imaginary cap and departed with another smirk on his face. When passing by his friends, he pointed his thumb in the direction of the booth.
“Next,” he grinned. He whispered something in the next interviewee’s ear, who then burst out laughing. “All the gory details?”
“Don’t hold back,” said shiny suit. “The man gets off on this shit.”
A half an hour later and a third suspect was being interrogated- The man in the black suit with matching tie. You could hear Garda Bacon’s voice becoming more and more high pitched.
“I told you already, I don’t need to know exactly what you and Ms. Murphy got up to. You had a physical relationship. That’s all I need to know.”
“Well, you wanted to know if I went to bed with her. I was just trying to explain exactly what happened. We were in her apartment. She took off her top and then I….”
“Now, look,” Garda Bacon sound almost hysterical. “ All I need to know was did you find out that she was actually a man.”
“I’m getting to that. We went back to her apartment. She said; ”It’d be much more comfortable in the bedroom. “ So, I led her by the hand……………”
“I can’t take any more of this. Just tell me where you were on the night of her murder.”
“Oh, I was in London with Smithy. Did he not mention it? If you ring the hotel…”
“Yes I know.” Garda Bacon sounded like he was on the verge of tears. “That’s all. Now send the next one over to me.”
Garda Bacon was finishing up. He was talking to the last suspect, who was also giving him a hard time in a different way.
He was an older man in his fifties and he wasn’t as forthcoming as the others.
“Are you trying to insinuate that I might have gone off with a tranny? You’ve got a bloody nerve.”
“I’m just trying to establish the nature of your friendship with her. After all, you mightn’t have known that she wasn’t……..”
“Oh, I knew alright. And I didn’t go near her. And quite frankly I don’t take kindly to being accused of it.” He was very red in the face as he said this and Garda Bacon took note. Could be a sign of guilt.
“Well, can you tell me of your whereabouts on the night of the murder?”
“Yes, I was in my elderly mother’s house, taking care of her. Somebody has to, you know. I get no help from the state.” He was actually shouting now.
“That’s fine,” said Garda Bacon. “At least you’ll have an alibi.”
“She’s got alzheimers,” he spat angrily.
“Whew!” the last suspect had left, muttering angrily to himself all the way out the door and Garda Bacon breathed a sigh of relief , not realising everyone could hear him.
“Bring him down a large chocolate muffin and a cappuccino, on the house,” Maria instructed Rosie. “I think he’s in need of it.”
“Thanks.” He took a bite out of the muffin straight away. “And, if any more friends of Anita arrive in, I don’t want to know about it, Okay? I’ll get them the next time.”
Maria was on her way up to ‘Chez Maria’. It was twenty five to ten. Opening time was half nine and she was hoping Rosie wasn’t waiting outside for her. Especially as she had had to pull her up for her time keeping the week before. She broke in to a bit of a run, realising she probably looked ridiculous in her high heels. She was going so fast, unfortunately, that she didn’t have time to stop when someone suddenly came out of a side road.
“Woah! I’m not sure if it’s my lucky day or not. I nearly got knocked to the ground, but by a beautiful woman!”
“Mark!” Maria hadn’t seen him since the incident with the gangland killers.
“Well, it’s great to see you. How’s life treating you?”
“Oh I’m trucking along. We got a job building an extension on ‘Bridge St.’ so I’m busy with that at the moment.”
Mark worked as a builder and during the boom years he had been working constantly. However, now with the downturn in the economy, he was grateful for anything .
“That’s great news,” said Maria. “I know how hard it is at the moment.”
“And I’ve some other good news as well. The three Johnson brothers have been put away for ten years each.”
“Oh, you must be so relieved. I don’t know how you coped, knowing they could attack you any time.”
“Sam says I should still be careful. They could get one of their friends to do the job.”
“Still,” said Maria. “The streets are a safer place with those thugs off them.”
“It’s great to see you again,” Mark smiled at her affectionately. “ How about, we meet up for a drink later on and catch up properly.”
Maria was a bit taken aback. She hadn’t been expecting this.
“Look,” said Mark, noticing her reticence. “ This is a ‘no strings’ invitation. Just two old friends getting together for a chinwag.”
“Why not?” Maria grinned. “I haven’t been out for a few drinks in a while.”
“There’s no such thing as a ‘no strings’ invitation when a man asks a woman out.” Rosie and Maria were having a bit of a chat during a rare quiet moment in the coffee shop. “And, anyway It’s been obvious to everyone except you that he’s been mad about you from day one.”
“I trust Mark,” said Maria quietly. “When he says he wants to meet as friends, I believe him. I’m not ready to get involved with anyone at the moment.”
“That’s what I thought until I met Damian,” said Rosie dreamily. “And look how happy we are together. He brought me to see ‘Imelda May’ in ‘the Olympia’ last night, you know. I didn’t even know we were going. He bought the tickets as a surprise ‘cos he knows I’m a big fan of hers. That’s the sort he is. He’s always doing nice things for me.”
“Well, you’re lucky to have met someone like him.” Maria smiled indulgently. Rosie talked about Damian all the time lately. But that was only because she was so happy. It was funny that no matter what they were talking about, the conversation always seemed to somehow come round to Damian. Like now.
“He seems to know instinctively what I want,” Rosie was saying. “Like last night, during the interval ,I was thinking to myself , I would love a glass of wine. Didn’t he come back from the loo with a glass of wine for me and a beer for himself. And I wouldn’t mind, I normally drink beer! And then later on…..”
But Maria was no longer listening. She was deciding on her outfit for that night in her mind. No point in dressing up too much, she was thinking. It might give the wrong impression.
That night , Maria sat waiting in O’Briens. She was wearing a low cut, black halter neck top with a skintight pair of jeans she had bought a while ago but never worn because they were a bit much. The top is a bit skimpy, she thought to herself but then it is very warm out tonight. And I had to wear these jeans sometime ,otherwise I’d be wasting my money. Mark arrived in, looking very dashing, in a pair of beige chinos and a new looking check shirt. Maria soon realised how new it was when he turned around and she saw the label hanging down from his collar. She had to whisper gently in his ear and he disappeared in to the bathroom with a red face. But, soon they were getting on like a house on fire, chatting away over a couple of drinks.
“I must say, I admire you the way you’ve set up ‘Chez Maria” on your own and managed to make it so successful,” Mark was saying.
“Well, I firmly believe my mother is up there giving me a helping hand. It was, after all her dying wish that I follow my dream.”
“And I admire your strong belief,” Mark hoped he wasn’t laying it on too thick .
“Don’t forget, you haven’t done so badly yourself. You set up your building business and made a success of it.”
“Yes, but that was during the boom years. Everybody was doing well in the building trade then. Now is a different story. We’re just managing to keep our heads above water at the moment.”
“Well, I’m sure things will pick up. Do you have any family to support, Mark or is it just you?”
“No, just me, thank God. I’ve no children. I never married, too busy out enjoying myself.”
“You’re better off,” said Maria quietly. “And though I’m so lucky to have Zoe, It can be difficult being a single mother.”
“Is Zoe a difficult teenager?” asked Mark.
“No more than any other. We have had a few arguments over ‘Chez Maria’. She was dead set against me setting it up. She said it was in the wrong area and I’d have to deal with a lot of troublemakers. Well, I’ve certainly proved her wrong.”
“Eh, yeah,” said Mark.
When they left the pub, Mark walked her up to the taxi rank and was a true gentleman, not even trying to hold her hand. The funny thing was, Maria sort of wished he would. There was a line of taxis waiting and Maria cursed to herself. She had hoped there would be none there and that would have given them longer together. She was just getting into the taxi, when suddenly she turned around.
“How about you come back with me to my place.? Zoe’s not around this weekend. She’s staying in her aunts.” It just slipped out. She hadn’t intended to say anything.
She never saw anyone get into a taxi so fast.
“Let’s go,” said Mark
“Well, ok. It would be fair to say, that we are more than just friends.” Rosie had known the minute she had come in the door that something had happened, just by the rosy glow on Maria’s face.
That’s the face of someone who’s had a really good night,” she had thought.
“I’m so pleased for you,” gushed Rosie. “No one deserves happiness more than you.”
“It’s early days yet,” said Maria. “But to be honest, I haven’t felt this way about anyone in a long time. Since Joe left me, I haven’t bothered with men much. I didn’t feel that I could trust anyone. But, it’s different with Mark.” There was a shy smile on her face now. “He’s such a genuine and kind person.”
“When are you meeting him again?” asked Rosie.
“I’m meeting him tomorrow night for a meal. He’s bringing me to this new Italian restaurant, in town. They make their own pasta in house. Keep your fingers crossed that we get on as well as we did last night.”
Maria needn’t have worried. Their date in the restaurant went really well. So much so, that they were meeting practically every night after that. She even invited him around to meet Zoe a week after they started dating. She had been dreading it, but to her surprise, the two of them got on really well.
“Maybe you’d talk some sense into her and get her to close down that lousy coffee shop,” Zoe and Mark were talking about Maria as if she wasn’t there.
“I don’t think anyone in the area thinks it’s lousy,” said Mark. “It’s actually known for miles around.”
Maria smiled. Mark always took her side.
“Yes, but it’s not safe. Look what happened to that poor transsexual, right outside the door.”
“Your mother is hell bent on making ‘Chez Maria’ a big success,” Mark smiled at Maria. “And I don’t think there’s much we can do to stop her!”
“Come round and have a coffee.” Maria was on the phone to Mark. “It’s quiet at the moment and I’d love to see you. ….. But it’s safe. All the gangland killers have been put away. Come on, you haven’t had one of my famous cappuccinos in ages. ….Do you have to bring Sam? There’s no need anymore.” But Mark said he wasn’t coming without Sam.
“Sam says, it’s not one hundred per cent safe. When I’m going anywhere in the local area I should still watch out. It’s safer for you to have him there. Anyway, he says he fancies a coffee!”
So, Mark came round to ‘Chez Maria ‘for the first time since the gangland killers had come in. And once again, Sam sat at the door keeping an eye out.
Soon, it had become a daily occurance. Mark would pop down at lunch time and because Sam was working with him building the extension, he was able to come along each time aswell. Maria always had freshly made sandwiches for them and the cake of their choice after they had wolfed them down. Garda Bacon was still under cover, trying to find Anita’s murderer and still wearing bizarrely bright clothes. He didn’t turn up every day and when he did he always looked fed up. Maria told Mark about him, when he came in one day.
“I don’t think he’s cut out for detective work. He’s only interviewed about twenty people and there is a lot more to go.”
“I’d never think of wearing cream trousers with a light blue jumper,” said Mark. “It’s a brave look.”
“Oh, here comes someone who was friendly with Anita that he hasn’t talked to. He’s not going to like it. He normally pops out about now for his chips.”
And sure enough, when Maria went down and whispered in his ear, Garda Bacon put his eyes up to heaven. Both her and Mark stifled their giggles as he went up to approach the suspect.
“Yeah I knew her. What’s it to you, mate?”
“I think he’s in for a bumpy ride,” giggled Maria.
“Could I have a Cappuccino and a slice of carrot cake, dear,” the old lady spoke in a kind of falsetto accent.
“And I’ll have the same, love,” her friend sounded even more peculiar. Her voice was kind of squeaky. As though she had just breathed in a load of helium.
They were both very well built old ladies as well. They were both wearing big thick glasses which practically obscured their faces. The parts of their faces that you could see were very made up, with bright red lipstick on both their lips. This is what Rosie noticed most about them. They both seemed to be the same as each other. Even their hair looked similar, very white with loads of tight curls. When Rosie handed one of them their change, she was surprised to see that she was wearing black gloves. She couldn’t help thinking this was strange seeing as it was the middle of May. They went and sat down with their coffee, one of them going a bit slower as she was carrying a shopping bag that looked very heavy. Rosie soon forgot about them when Garda Bacon arrived up to the counter. “I’ll have another BLT and a coke. And can you bring them down to me.?”
“Sorry, you’ll have to wait while I make the BLT. We’re too busy to bring stuff down to people at the moment.”
Garda Bacon had really being annoying her lately, constantly asking her to bring food down to him. And he always left such a mess on his table. One day he’d even brought his chips in with him and she had had to clean up the ones he let drop on the floor and wipe the ones away that he had left on the table. Maria had said there was nothing they could do seeing as he was a member of a Garda Siochana. Rosie had decided she was going to stand up to him as much as possible in whatever way she could, from now on.
Maria arrived out from the back room.
“Could you make up some sandwiches for Mark and Sam, Rosie. They’re coming in at one. Oh, and don’t leave Garda Bacon standing there. Bring his sandwich down to him.”
Rosie muttered to herself.
“Who are those two over there?” Maria lowered her voice. “They’re a bit strange looking aren’t they?”
“I know, why are they wearing such heavy coats at this time of the year?” The two old ladies had long black wool coats on them down to the ground.
“You‘d think they’d have taken them off when……….. Jesus Rosie, look at her wrist.”
One of the old ladies had picked up her coffee cup and lifted it to her mouth. The sleeve of her coat fell down, revealing her arm as she did so. Her arm was very muscular and very hairy.
“That’s no old lady,” Rosie said slowly. “That’s a man.” The two of them had a good look at the figures in the black coats and then they looked at each other.
“They’re wearing wigs,” said Maria. “It’s obvious they’re not old ladies by the size of them. But why……..?”
“There’s something funny in that shopping bag, “said Rosie. “Is it metal? Can you see it from where you’re standing, Maria?”
“The two were staring back at Maria and Rosie, now. They knew they had been discovered. Suddenly, one of them put their hand in the shopping bag and pulled out the mystery object. It was a machine gun.
“Right everybody, I want you all to stay where you are and don’t move.” He cut a grotesque figure with his white curly haired wig and his bright red lipstick painted crudely on to his mouth. As it was coming up to lunch time, there were quite a few people in the coffee shop. There was a few horrified gasps, a few stifled sobs and a few people who hadn’t noticed the gun man, who continued on talking. “May I have your attention, please,” he spoke as though he was addressing a rally of some kind. “Will everybody stop what they are doing? Put their hands on the table. Nobody’s gonna get hurt if they do what they’re told.”
By now, everyone realised what was going on and an outraged murmur was spreading through the coffee shop. Maria was trying to send a text message on her mobile phone under the counter but the gunman was on to her.
“I said put your hands where I can see them, bitch,” he spat at her. “We don’t want you warning your boyfriend, do we? We don’t want to ruin the surprise.”
“You’re here to get Mark, aren’t you,” the horrific realisation had dawned on Maria. “Yeah, we’re working for the Johnsons. We’re under strict instructions to blow your boyfriend brains out and we always follow strict instructions to the letter. We came in here under cover to do the job quietly, but now you’ve spotted us, things are going to have to be done the hard way.” He stood up and pointed the gun at all the terrified customers. “See this, I’m not afraid to use it, Okay?”
About ten minutes passed. The gunman had sat down at the table nearest the counter with his gun casually placed on the table beside him. He had been staring at Maria the whole time, in an attempt to intimidate her. His accomplice patrolled the coffee shop to make sure nobody was trying any funny business, as he called it.
“Get your hand out of there, now, right?” he walked up to a woman who had been searching in her handbag and put his face right up to her. He was still wearing the long coat but had taken off the wig and his shaved head contrasting with the heavy make-up and bright red lipstick conspired to make him look very threatening.
“I’m s s sorry. I was just looking for a tissue.”
“Well fucking don’t, right?”
Maria was starting to panic . Mark was due in in a few minutes. In a fit of desperation, she tried pleading with the gunman.
“Mark’s a decent person,” she said. “It’s not his fault he witnessed a murder.”
“He shoulda kept out of it shouldn’t he?” was the answer. “And for that, the bollox is going to pay the price.”
He gestured to his accomplice to look out the window.
“We should be arriving for coffee soon” He grinned evilly at Maria. It was obvious they had been keeping track of Mark’s movements.
Maria was crying now silently, big tears falling down her face. Rosie took her hand in hers.
His accomplice nodded at him then.
“Here they are,” he said almost softly.
The gunman got up and started walking towards the door, however, to everyone’s amazement, he tripped before he could get there and fell flat on his face, his gun flying out of his hand on to the floor , just as Sam walked in. Sam very casually picked up the gun and pointed it at the figure lying on the floor.
“Lost something?” he asked.
“And where do you think you’re rushing off to?” Mark came in just in time to grab hold of the other long coated figure, who was attempting to escape out the door.
“Somebody ring the guards.” Sam had his two captives sitting on a chair with the machine gun firmly pointed at them. Maria was crying hysterically. Mark took her in to his arms.
“It’s alright now,”he said.
“What I don’t understand is how he tripped up that time,” Rosie was saying.
“You can thank me for that,” and to everyone’s amazement a large figure suddenly popped up from underneath the table near the door. “Oh no, look at my cream trousers, they’ve marks alI over them.” He grabbed a serviette and started rubbing furiously. “I tripped him up with my leg.”
“Garda Bacon! It was you.” Rosie laughed. “But what were you doing under the table in the first place?”
“Well, I was eh…looking for something under the table, when those boyos walked in. I thought to myself, it might be a strategic move to stay hidden. And I was right …eh?”
“You of course, weren’t hiding from them, being an officer of the law?” asked Sam with a slight sneer in his voice.
“Of course not,” said Garda Bacon but his face was starting to go red.
“Leave Garda Bacon alone, Sam,” said Mark. After all, he’s certainly saved my bacon today!”
CHAPTER 5
“I’d love to hear you singing, Rosie. Little did I know I was going out with a star in the making tonight!”
Damian smiled across the table at Rosie, a lovely genuine smile that lit up his whole face and Rosie’s stomach did somersaults. She couldn’t believe tonight was going so well and even though she had only been in his company about an hour, she felt that she was falling for him already.
“Oh, I only do a bit of Karaoke, really. I would love to take it up professionally though.”
“Well you definitely should. A good looking girl like you. I can just see you up on that stage, wowing everybody in a sexy black dress.”
Rosie felt herself going red and cursed inwardly. She had been hoping to portray her more confident side tonight.
“You don’t look so bad yourself.” She smiled at him in what she hoped was a seductive manner. And it was true. Damian was looking very handsome in a tight pair of black jeans and a trendy denim shirt, his dark hair gelled off his face in a fashion that suited his chiselled features. A lot more handsome than the guys Rosie normally dated and a lot more chivalrous. All night, he had been opening doors and pulling back chairs for her. And he had brought her to this really nice pizzeria. The last time Rosie had gone on a date, they had gone straight to the local for a couple drinks. And then, after they had paid the chipper a visit on the way home, he had tried to pull her down a laneway to grope her up. There was no doubt about it, Damian was in a different league. She could only hope that she was making a good impression on him.
“I’m just going to pop to the loo.” It was time to check her face. A bit more foundation wouldn’t go astray to make sure her blushes didn’t show.
“Well I’ll order another drink, so. I know what you girls are like.” He gave her a cheeky grin.
“See you in a bit.” Rosie grinned back wishing she could have thought of something more clever to say.
Once in the loo, she went straight up to the mirror to examine herself. She had spent ages getting ready that night and she had a lot more make-up on than usual. She was beginning to wish she hadn’t taken her little sister’s advice though, when she had told her to wear the bright blue eye shadow. Together with the shimmer effect eye liner, it was possibly a bit over the top. Though on the other hand, it did draw attention to her brown eyes. People always said this was her best feature. Rosie sighed. It wasn’t like her to be this unsure of herself.
“Pull yourself together and get back out there.” She said to herself.
When she arrived back at the table, Damian was talking on his mobile phone.
“I can’t tonight I’m afraid. I’ve got a prior engagement. Can it not wait till tomorrow?” He smiled over at Rosie. He frowned then. “Nothing’s that urgent. …………. Yeah I know, but……Hold on a second. That’s my new partner in the business, Gary. He’s found someone who’s willing to supply us with chocolate fudge cakes for next to nothing. We have to clinch the deal tonight or we’ll lose him. Would you mind if I met him for ten minutes. We could meet later in your local – O’Briens, isn’t it? Look, I’m sorry Rosie, This is so rude of me on our first date…..”
“Don’t be silly. Of course it’s ok. I’ll go down to O’Brien’s and order the drinks for us.” Rosie’s heart was missing a beat. The fact that he’d just said ‘our first date’ must mean he wanted to have more dates. After he’d left, Rosie made her way to O’Brien’s smiling happily to herself. It was pretty crowded, being Saturday night so she was pleased with herself when she managed to bag two seats in a quiet alcove. After the barman had brought a pint for Damian and a glass of beer for her, she decided to text all her friends and tell them what a great time she was having and how well she was getting on with Damian. A half an hour later, she had drank her glass of beer and had just ordered another but there was no sign of Damian returning. No point in worrying, she thought to herself. No business meeting is going to finish after ten minutes. Another half an hour passed , she was starting on her third beer and she was starting to feel self-conscious, sitting there on her own. The thought that maybe Damian wasn’t going to turn up at all was starting to creep into her mind. Maybe he’d just rang his friend while she was in the loo and pretended there was a meeting to get away from her. You hear of people doing that all the time. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see some friends of her mother’s up at the bar. They were definitely looking in her direction. They all burst out laughing then and Rosie became convinced they were laughing at the poor eejit who got stood up. I’ll give it another ten minutes and that’s it, she was thinking to herself, when Damian walked past looking for her.
“Damian, I’m over here,” Relief flooded over her.
“Ah, there you are. I was afraid you wouldn’t wait for me. We couldn’t get away from that fella. He’d talk for Ireland he would. And you got me a pint. I could do with it.”
“It’s probably gone flat. It’s been there about an hour now.” Rosie noticed Damian had taken off his denim shirt and now just had a white tee-shirt on. She wasn’t complaining though. She didn’t mind his muscular toned arms being on view at all.
“I’ll go up and get more drink. Yours is nearly finished. I’ll get you another one.”
“Okay,” Rosie wasn’t really used to drinking this much and was already feeling a bit tipsy. But it was in a nice way and for the first time that evening she was starting to feel relaxed. One drink on and Rosie felt herself and Damian were really starting to get to know each other. Damian told her all about his family. How he wasn’t that close to his father – there had always been a bit of a distance between them but that his mother was like his best friend.
“You can tell her anything. She always gives such good advice but she’d never pass judgement on anybody. If I ever have a problem, she is the first person I go to.”
It was clear from the way he was talking, that Damian’s mother was a big influence in his life.
“How about your brothers and sisters? Do you have any?”
“I have two brothers but they’re living in London.” Damian shrugged. “We don’t see much of each other. You know how it is. Out of sight, out of mind.”
Rosie looked at him sympathetically. She was one of five children and they all lived close to each other. You could always pop in on them for a cup of tea. She couldn’t imagine not having her family nearby. Soon she was telling him all about her family and she was surprised by how easy she found him to talk to. Rosie forgot that she had been nervous about meeting him and eased into a long chat like she would have with any of her friends. Of course, the few more drinks she had put her into a good mood as well and by the end of the night she had become positively giddy, giggling for the slightest reason.
It was closing time and Rosie and Damian left O’Brien’s with their arms around each other. Rosie had to put her arms around Damian because otherwise she wouldn’t have been able to stand up straight.
“Are you going, going……to drop me home?” Rosie seemed to think this remark was comedy gold because she started giggling hysterically after she made it.
Damian laughed. “I don’t know if you’d make it without my help, let’s be honest.” he said
Rosie giggled again. “You’re the sort of guy that knows how to look after a girl. I could tell that the minute I met you. And you’re gorg … go..orgeous….. too.”
Damian laughed again. “You’ve definitely had one too many.” He said.
They were passing by ‘Chez Maria’ now and Rosie exclaimed somewhat unnecessarily, “That’s where I work. The best coffee shop in Dublin.”
“I know,” said Damian. “I deliver cakes to you, remember?”
There was a little alley way right beside ‘Chez Maria’ and Rosie said to Damian; “I’m s..sorry, I think I’m going to be sick. I’m gonna have to go down here for a second.” She staggered in to the alleyway. “God, it looks like someone’s got there before me.”
The alley way was unlit but you could just make out from the light out on the street, the shape of a wheelie bin and two legs stretching on to the ground from behind it.
“Jesus, that’s Anita. I’d know those legs anywhere. She always wears those old fashioned brown tights. Has she no shame. I mean, I know I’m drunk but I’m not that bad that I’m gonna fall asleep on the street. Oh Christ, I think she’s injured or something. There’s blood on the ground.” Rosie walked with a slight sway around the wheelie bin to where Anita was lying and then suddenly she screamed and then started sobbing.
“Rosie, what’s wrong? What’s happened?”
Damian walked around the wheelie bin and gasped at the sight that greeted him. Anita was lying there, her neck discoloured and swollen, her head twisted at an angle and her eyes wide open but with the life completely gone from them.
“She’s …..she’s…….dead.” sobbed Rosie.
Damian pulled Rosie into his arms.
“It’s alright. Come on, it’s ok. It looks like she’s been strangled. We’re going to have to ring the Police. He pulled his mobile phone out of his pocket.
As they stood waiting for the police to arrive, Rosie looked over at the body.
“We’re going to have to let Maria know about this. She was quite friendly with her. She ‘ll want to be told tonight.” Suddenly, Rosie felt a whole lot more sober.
“And to think I was only serving her cupcakes and cappuccino earlier on today. You just don’t know what’s around the corner do you… What’s that in her pocket? It looks a bit like a spring roll….”
“Don’t touch that.” Damian shouted in quite a high pitched panicky voice.
“I mean,” he continued “If you touch anything it’ll make it more difficult for the police.”
“It was the last thing she ever ate…….” Rosie was saying in a sentimental voice. “Little did she know , when she went into the chinese take away and said can I have…………… Hold on a second….that’s not pastry……..Oh, Christ, I think I’m going to be sick.” This time Rosie did get sick all over the ground.
Damian gave her a tissue to help her wipe her mouth.
“It’s his dick. Isn’t it?” he said. “Some one’s cut off his dick and put it in his pocket.”
Soon, the whole area was crawling with police. The ‘crime scene, do not pass ‘yellow tape was stretched across the alley way. Maria turned up looking pale and shaken.
“Poor, poor Anita. She was doing nobody any harm. Why couldn’t they just leave her alone?”
“It was probably one of those fellas she picked up in the café,” said Rosie. “I mean some of them were pissed off with her big time.”
“That’d make sense,” said Damian. “That was probably why they cut it off. It was a statement of their anger with him for pretending to be a woman. “
“She didn’t want to have one while she was alive,” said Maria. “It’s ironic that now it’s been removed, she’s not here to appreciate it.”
“Okay everyone; make some space to let the state pathologist and forensics through. If you’ve made your statements, you can leave. It’s only hampering the police investigation to have too many people clogging up the area.” The police officer then lowered his voice as he spoke to the pathologist but you could just about make out; “That’s right. Completely cut off. Inserted into the victim’s jacket pocket. No, no one’s touched it.”
“Come on,” said Rosie, who was now feeling 100 per cent sober. “Let’s all go back to mine for a much needed cup of tea.”
“Thanks Rosie.” Maria linked her arm and Damian followed behind.
Joe Daly looked out his bedroom window over his coffee shop at the other end of the street. The noise of the police cars was keeping him awake and being naturally curious by nature, he wanted to know what was going on.
“Would ya ever close that winda and get back in ta bed, ye nosy git,” his wife roared at him. You’re letting all the cold air in.”
“Just a second, my loveliness,” Joe tended to defer to his wife. He knew from experience that she always came out the better in a row.
“There’s something big going on and I think it’s up beside ‘Chez Maria.’ Hold on, there’s Jimmy going past. Jimmy, Jimmy , Up here ye muppet. What’s going on down there? Why’s it crawling with cops?”
“Jesus, dya not hear, Joe? That tranny, Anita’s been murdered. Ye know the one who worked in Centra. “And you’ll never guess what they did to her. They cut off her…..”
At that point, a van drove past on the street and drowned out what Jimmy was saying.
“I didn’t quite catch that, Jimmy. Cut off her………..?”
The van was gone but Jimmy was still shouting.
“Her mickey. They cut off her mickey.”
“Jesus, that’s gross. There are some space cadets out there.”
“Whose mickey got cut off?” Joe’s wife had overheard and was now interested.
“Where did this happen, Jimmy?” asked Joe.
In the laneway beside that new coffee shop…what’s it called ..something posh….”
“’Chez Maria’,” yes! Joe rubbed his hand together gleefully.
“What are you so god damn happy about when someone has just lost their life?” asked his wife
“Chez Maria.” It’s only been taking all my business since it opened. Looks like that murderer has saved me the trouble of trying to drive that bitch out. I mean, who’s going to want to continue running a coffee shop, when someone has been murdered right outside it?”
Maria decided to close ‘Chez Maria’ the day of the funeral as a mark of respect.
“After all, Anita was a regular customer here. I wouldn’t feel right carrying on as usual, when she was being laid to rest.”
“There‘s talk that you might close down altogether,” ventured Rosie hesitantly.
“Why would I do that? You get good and bad in every area. And in my opinion, this area is no worse than anywhere else. After all, there was someone murdered in’ Foxrock’ last week – Did you read about that in the papers? A man was found stabbed outside his house. “ “No, that was ‘Foxlane’, Maria,” said Rosie. “It’s two streets away from here.”
Anyway, I have every confidence in the police bringing the perpetrator to justice. In fact, they are coming in to have a chat with the two of us this afternoon.”
Rosie knew they were police, before they even showed her their I D. There was something about the way the first one swaggered up to the counter arrogantly, while the second one followed closely on his tail, that gave it away. The first man was small, dumpy and balding. He wore big round glasses and for some reason, he put Rosie in mind of an owl. The second was plump with red hair. In fact, there was something about him that was vaguely familiar.
“I’m detective inspector Collins and this is my assistant, Garda Bacon. We’re here to talk to you about the murder of … ahem, Anita Murphy. Is the proprietor of this coffee shop here? We believe she knew the victim quite well.”
“She’s in the back,” said Rosie. “I’ll go and get her.”
Maria groaned inwardly when she saw who was dealing with the investigation but she hid it with a big smile.
“Nice to meet you, detective Collins and Garda Bacon we’ve met already over the brick through the window incident.
Garda Bacon was munching on a big ‘Snickers’ bar and his reply was a bit hard to decipher.
“Okay. It says here..,” Detective Collins consulted his notebook. “The victim frequented this coffee shop quite a bit. In your opinion, had she any enemies. Anyone who might have wanted to harm her?”
“Well,” said Maria “She had a few boyfriends; I suppose you could call them. You could talk to them……………..”
“She went off with a different fella every time she came in here,” interrupted Rosie. “And what ‘s more she had a bit of a secret they didn’t know about, if you get my drift. Those guys were getting a nasty shock when they got her into the bedroom. You can see why the murderer did what he did, really.”
Garda Bacon nodded whilst scrunching his ‘Snickers’ wrapper up in his hand.
“We need to talk to every single guy that she met up with in here,” said Detective Collins. “Can you tell me roughly how many there were?”
“Let me see……………..,” said Maria. “She was coming in here every day for about a month. She would have met someone every day.”
“Don’t forget , sometimes she went off with more than one at a time,” said Rosie. “Remember the time those office workers were going to a party and they invited her. There was about six of them.”
“That’s right,” said Maria. “Then there was the time they all went bowling. How many was there in that group, Rosie?”
Garda Bacon’s eyes had taken on a startled look. “But, sure we can’t interview all those people,” he spluttered.
“What do you mean we, buddy?” asked Detective Collins. “ You’re going to be doing all the interviewing and it has to be thorough. They all have to be eliminated from our enquiries.”
“But…but I’m new to detective work . I’m gonna need someone to show me the ropes.”
“Excuse me a moment,” Detective Collins ushered Garda Bacon to one side.
“Now listen,” he was attempting to whisper but because he was angry the tone of his voice went up an octave. “I’m investigating four murders at the moment, of which this is the least high profile. Now, you know where I am if you’ve any real difficulties, but I’m going to be leaving the bulk of this investigation to you. It’s not my fault there’s so many cutbacks at the moment. Now, could you try and show a bit more professionalism and at least act like you know what you’re doing.”
He came back over to Rosie and Maria.
“Would you be able to identify all the men that Ms. Murphy befriended in here?”
“I think so,” said Maria. “We should be able to between the two of us. Most of them are regulars. We see them all the time.”
“Well then, my suggestion is this: Garda Bacon can base himself here every day under cover. And you can let him know if any of the suspects come in for coffee.”
“I’m not so sure……I’ve always been based at the station.” Garda Bacon was starting to look like a little boy whose favourite teddy had been taken away.”
“Come on, Garda Bacon.” Detective Collins gave him a warning look. “It’s not a problem.”
“Look on the bright side,” said Rosie. “At least you’ll be able to have a nice cup of coffee.”
“My cappacinos are legendary,” smiled Maria
“Yeah, “ said Garda Bacon. “But will I be able to find a decent Pizzeria around here.? That’s what I want to know.”
Joe Daly hummed to himself as he wiped down the counter. There had been a steady stream of customers to ‘Joe’s Café’ all morning. What a relief that everything was back to the way it used to be before ‘that coffee shop’ as he liked to call it, had been opened.
“We will, we will rock you.” Joe was singing now and drumming his fingers on the counter as accompaniment
“Isn’t it great?” he said to Rasher. “We haven’t been this busy in months.”
“That’d be because ‘Chez Maria’ has closed today on account of Anita being buried.”
“What do you mean today? She’s closed down altogether ‘cos she couldn’t cope with this area. “Ding dong the witch is dead. The wicked witch is dead,” Joe sang in a high pitched voice that would be worthy of panto.
“Well, no actually. She’s opening up again tomorrow. I was talking to Rosie this morning.” Rasher ventured timidly, aware that he was bursting Joe’s bubble.
“No, no she can’t be.” Joe was drumming the counter again but this time he wasn’t singing along. “That bitch is closing down and I’m going to get my business back, are ye with me?” Rasher almost stepped back because the expression on his face was so frightening.
“Rasher,” he was saying now. “If she opens tomorrow, I’m going to make sure it’s her last day. Do ye know why it’s going to be her last day, Rasher?”
“No,” said Rasher, nervously.
“Because she’s not going to have a coffee shop to open the following day. I’m gonna do what I shoulda done all along. I’m gonna shove a petrol soaked rag through her letter box. The wooden floor and tables won’t be long catching fire and the whole shooting gallery will go up like a roman candle! “
Maria was chilling out at home with a glass of wine and once again she took her mother’s photograph down from the mantelpiece.
“Mother, something terrible happened this weekend,” she said in a dramatic fashion. “Anita was murdered outside the coffee shop. I know, it’s shocking isn’t it? I won’t offend your sensibilities by telling you the brutal details of this crime but let’s just say the person who murdered her must have had an awful grudge. But, Mother I am not going to let this affect the coffee shop. With your help from above, I am going to continue running it and it’s going to remain the best for miles around. I can safely say that short of it being burnt to the ground, there is nothing that is going to stop me.”
CHAPTER 6
Garda Bacon was sitting on his own at a table beside the door. He was eating a very large chocolate muffin, a rather messy business, as a lot of it was smeared on his face. He had a large cappuccino in a big round white porcelain cup in front of him.
“Well, he seems to be settling in, I suppose,” Maria said to Rosie
“What’s he wearing , though? He doesn’t exactly blend in. I would’ve thought if you were undercover you should try not to stand out too much.
He had a pair of light blue trousers on, matched with a deeper blue fair isle jumper. The design on the jumper was quite dramatic- bright red and green diamonds.
“Maybe he’s going golfing afterwards.” They both giggled.
“Any sign of any of Anita’s boyfriends coming in?” asked Rosie
“More than likely, they’ll be in at lunch time. Those office workers that she was friendly with come in every day.
Garda Bacon looked up then and caught Maria’s eye. Maria mimed cleaning her face with her hand. He looked blankly at her for a second or two before copping on and taking out a big hankerchief and wiping his face with it.
“Dya know who he reminds me of?” Rosie said. “My nephew, Adam.”
“Why, does he look like him?”
“No,” said Rosie. Just the way he got chocolate all over his face. Adam’s always doing that. He’s five.”
Lunchtime arrived and sure enough about five or six of the office workers Maria had been talking about arrived in. But Garda Bacon was nowhere to be seen.
“He said he was going to get chips and he’d be back in five minutes. That was twenty minutes ago.”
“I told him the best time to talk with the suspects was around half one. That’s when they come in for their lunch. He mustn’t have been listening.” Maria sounded exasperated.
“The only thing he seems to be interested in is his stomach,” said Rosie.
“He could have had a sandwich here. We do a very good selection. Why didn’t he do that?”
“I think he’s more of a fast food man. Oh….here he is now.”
Garda Bacon strolled in the door with his ‘Sun’ newspaper under his arm.
Maria looked at Garda Bacon and nodded over at the group sitting around one of the tables. They were all very well dressed in tailored suits and they were quite a lively bunch. In fact, the sound of their laughter was drowning everything else out.
Garda Bacon came up to the counter “Is everything all right?” It was clear Maria would need to spell it out to him.
“There’s your suspects over there, ” she said. “They all knew Anita. There’s an empty booth over there if you want to some privacy to interrogate them.”
“Thanks,” said Garda Bacon. “I’ll take it from here.”
He strutted down to their table, his large belly wobbling a little under his jumper. Nobody noticed him coming, they were so engrossed in conversation.
“Ahem.” He cleared his throat to get their attention. “I’m Garda Bacon and……………”
“Sorry, mate. I already give money to concern, ” a tall guy in a shiny blue suit said, hardly even giving him a second glance.
“No, you don’t understand. “ He flashed his badge. “I’m Garda Bacon and I’m here to talk to you in relation to the death of Anita Murphy.”
To his shock, they all started laughing. “Ok,” a blonde guy in a black suit with a black tie to match, shouted. “ Who’s responsible for this wind up.? It’s you isn’t it.?” He pointed at another man across the table who was also wearing a suit and tie to match in navy. “You’re a sore loser. Just cos I beat you at darts………….”
“Excuse me, this isn’t a joke. I am a genuine member of the Garda Siochana and……………”
“Yeah, and I’m Barrack Obama.” They all laughed heartily.
Once they realised it wasn’t a joke - it took Maria to come down and verify that Garda Bacon was who he said he was – he propelled his first suspect in to the booth. The tall guy in the shiny suit sat down with a big smirk on his face, making it obvious that he wasn’t taking the investigation too seriously. Rosie decided to go down and wipe the tables in the hope of over hearing what was going on.
“So,” Garda Bacon started. “Can you tell me a bit about your friendship with….eh…. Ms.
Murphy?”
“Well, we all knew her,” said shiny suit. “We used to meet her in here at lunchtime.”
“Yes, but I want to know about your particular ….eh….friendship with her.”
“How dya mean?” He sensed Garda Bacon’s discomfort and decided to make life difficult for him.
“I mean were you having a ….um physical relationship with her?”
“You mean was I riding her?” shiny suit stared back at Garda Bacon brazenly. “Well, you have to agree she was a very attractive woman but, no things didn’t get that far.”
“So, something was going on?” you knew Garda Bacon was squirming just by the sound of his voice.
“We might have kissed a bit. She was a very passionate woman, you know. She liked to…..”
“That’s okay,” interrupted Garda Bacon. “You don’t have to tell me everything about it. I imagine you must have felt angry when you found out her secret. Angry enough to possibly attack her.”
“If you’re trying to pin her murder on me, you’re wasting your time. I was away in London the night she met her end. I can give you the number of the hotel I was staying in, if you want to verify it.”
“You can give me that,” said Garda Bacon. “And that’s all for the moment. Could you tell the next of your friends to come in for a chat?”
“Sure thing, governor.” Shiny suit doffed an imaginary cap and departed with another smirk on his face. When passing by his friends, he pointed his thumb in the direction of the booth.
“Next,” he grinned. He whispered something in the next interviewee’s ear, who then burst out laughing. “All the gory details?”
“Don’t hold back,” said shiny suit. “The man gets off on this shit.”
A half an hour later and a third suspect was being interrogated- The man in the black suit with matching tie. You could hear Garda Bacon’s voice becoming more and more high pitched.
“I told you already, I don’t need to know exactly what you and Ms. Murphy got up to. You had a physical relationship. That’s all I need to know.”
“Well, you wanted to know if I went to bed with her. I was just trying to explain exactly what happened. We were in her apartment. She took off her top and then I….”
“Now, look,” Garda Bacon sound almost hysterical. “ All I need to know was did you find out that she was actually a man.”
“I’m getting to that. We went back to her apartment. She said; ”It’d be much more comfortable in the bedroom. “ So, I led her by the hand……………”
“I can’t take any more of this. Just tell me where you were on the night of her murder.”
“Oh, I was in London with Smithy. Did he not mention it? If you ring the hotel…”
“Yes I know.” Garda Bacon sounded like he was on the verge of tears. “That’s all. Now send the next one over to me.”
Garda Bacon was finishing up. He was talking to the last suspect, who was also giving him a hard time in a different way.
He was an older man in his fifties and he wasn’t as forthcoming as the others.
“Are you trying to insinuate that I might have gone off with a tranny? You’ve got a bloody nerve.”
“I’m just trying to establish the nature of your friendship with her. After all, you mightn’t have known that she wasn’t……..”
“Oh, I knew alright. And I didn’t go near her. And quite frankly I don’t take kindly to being accused of it.” He was very red in the face as he said this and Garda Bacon took note. Could be a sign of guilt.
“Well, can you tell me of your whereabouts on the night of the murder?”
“Yes, I was in my elderly mother’s house, taking care of her. Somebody has to, you know. I get no help from the state.” He was actually shouting now.
“That’s fine,” said Garda Bacon. “At least you’ll have an alibi.”
“She’s got alzheimers,” he spat angrily.
“Whew!” the last suspect had left, muttering angrily to himself all the way out the door and Garda Bacon breathed a sigh of relief , not realising everyone could hear him.
“Bring him down a large chocolate muffin and a cappuccino, on the house,” Maria instructed Rosie. “I think he’s in need of it.”
“Thanks.” He took a bite out of the muffin straight away. “And, if any more friends of Anita arrive in, I don’t want to know about it, Okay? I’ll get them the next time.”
Maria was on her way up to ‘Chez Maria’. It was twenty five to ten. Opening time was half nine and she was hoping Rosie wasn’t waiting outside for her. Especially as she had had to pull her up for her time keeping the week before. She broke in to a bit of a run, realising she probably looked ridiculous in her high heels. She was going so fast, unfortunately, that she didn’t have time to stop when someone suddenly came out of a side road.
“Woah! I’m not sure if it’s my lucky day or not. I nearly got knocked to the ground, but by a beautiful woman!”
“Mark!” Maria hadn’t seen him since the incident with the gangland killers.
“Well, it’s great to see you. How’s life treating you?”
“Oh I’m trucking along. We got a job building an extension on ‘Bridge St.’ so I’m busy with that at the moment.”
Mark worked as a builder and during the boom years he had been working constantly. However, now with the downturn in the economy, he was grateful for anything .
“That’s great news,” said Maria. “I know how hard it is at the moment.”
“And I’ve some other good news as well. The three Johnson brothers have been put away for ten years each.”
“Oh, you must be so relieved. I don’t know how you coped, knowing they could attack you any time.”
“Sam says I should still be careful. They could get one of their friends to do the job.”
“Still,” said Maria. “The streets are a safer place with those thugs off them.”
“It’s great to see you again,” Mark smiled at her affectionately. “ How about, we meet up for a drink later on and catch up properly.”
Maria was a bit taken aback. She hadn’t been expecting this.
“Look,” said Mark, noticing her reticence. “ This is a ‘no strings’ invitation. Just two old friends getting together for a chinwag.”
“Why not?” Maria grinned. “I haven’t been out for a few drinks in a while.”
“There’s no such thing as a ‘no strings’ invitation when a man asks a woman out.” Rosie and Maria were having a bit of a chat during a rare quiet moment in the coffee shop. “And, anyway It’s been obvious to everyone except you that he’s been mad about you from day one.”
“I trust Mark,” said Maria quietly. “When he says he wants to meet as friends, I believe him. I’m not ready to get involved with anyone at the moment.”
“That’s what I thought until I met Damian,” said Rosie dreamily. “And look how happy we are together. He brought me to see ‘Imelda May’ in ‘the Olympia’ last night, you know. I didn’t even know we were going. He bought the tickets as a surprise ‘cos he knows I’m a big fan of hers. That’s the sort he is. He’s always doing nice things for me.”
“Well, you’re lucky to have met someone like him.” Maria smiled indulgently. Rosie talked about Damian all the time lately. But that was only because she was so happy. It was funny that no matter what they were talking about, the conversation always seemed to somehow come round to Damian. Like now.
“He seems to know instinctively what I want,” Rosie was saying. “Like last night, during the interval ,I was thinking to myself , I would love a glass of wine. Didn’t he come back from the loo with a glass of wine for me and a beer for himself. And I wouldn’t mind, I normally drink beer! And then later on…..”
But Maria was no longer listening. She was deciding on her outfit for that night in her mind. No point in dressing up too much, she was thinking. It might give the wrong impression.
That night , Maria sat waiting in O’Briens. She was wearing a low cut, black halter neck top with a skintight pair of jeans she had bought a while ago but never worn because they were a bit much. The top is a bit skimpy, she thought to herself but then it is very warm out tonight. And I had to wear these jeans sometime ,otherwise I’d be wasting my money. Mark arrived in, looking very dashing, in a pair of beige chinos and a new looking check shirt. Maria soon realised how new it was when he turned around and she saw the label hanging down from his collar. She had to whisper gently in his ear and he disappeared in to the bathroom with a red face. But, soon they were getting on like a house on fire, chatting away over a couple of drinks.
“I must say, I admire you the way you’ve set up ‘Chez Maria” on your own and managed to make it so successful,” Mark was saying.
“Well, I firmly believe my mother is up there giving me a helping hand. It was, after all her dying wish that I follow my dream.”
“And I admire your strong belief,” Mark hoped he wasn’t laying it on too thick .
“Don’t forget, you haven’t done so badly yourself. You set up your building business and made a success of it.”
“Yes, but that was during the boom years. Everybody was doing well in the building trade then. Now is a different story. We’re just managing to keep our heads above water at the moment.”
“Well, I’m sure things will pick up. Do you have any family to support, Mark or is it just you?”
“No, just me, thank God. I’ve no children. I never married, too busy out enjoying myself.”
“You’re better off,” said Maria quietly. “And though I’m so lucky to have Zoe, It can be difficult being a single mother.”
“Is Zoe a difficult teenager?” asked Mark.
“No more than any other. We have had a few arguments over ‘Chez Maria’. She was dead set against me setting it up. She said it was in the wrong area and I’d have to deal with a lot of troublemakers. Well, I’ve certainly proved her wrong.”
“Eh, yeah,” said Mark.
When they left the pub, Mark walked her up to the taxi rank and was a true gentleman, not even trying to hold her hand. The funny thing was, Maria sort of wished he would. There was a line of taxis waiting and Maria cursed to herself. She had hoped there would be none there and that would have given them longer together. She was just getting into the taxi, when suddenly she turned around.
“How about you come back with me to my place.? Zoe’s not around this weekend. She’s staying in her aunts.” It just slipped out. She hadn’t intended to say anything.
She never saw anyone get into a taxi so fast.
“Let’s go,” said Mark
“Well, ok. It would be fair to say, that we are more than just friends.” Rosie had known the minute she had come in the door that something had happened, just by the rosy glow on Maria’s face.
That’s the face of someone who’s had a really good night,” she had thought.
“I’m so pleased for you,” gushed Rosie. “No one deserves happiness more than you.”
“It’s early days yet,” said Maria. “But to be honest, I haven’t felt this way about anyone in a long time. Since Joe left me, I haven’t bothered with men much. I didn’t feel that I could trust anyone. But, it’s different with Mark.” There was a shy smile on her face now. “He’s such a genuine and kind person.”
“When are you meeting him again?” asked Rosie.
“I’m meeting him tomorrow night for a meal. He’s bringing me to this new Italian restaurant, in town. They make their own pasta in house. Keep your fingers crossed that we get on as well as we did last night.”
Maria needn’t have worried. Their date in the restaurant went really well. So much so, that they were meeting practically every night after that. She even invited him around to meet Zoe a week after they started dating. She had been dreading it, but to her surprise, the two of them got on really well.
“Maybe you’d talk some sense into her and get her to close down that lousy coffee shop,” Zoe and Mark were talking about Maria as if she wasn’t there.
“I don’t think anyone in the area thinks it’s lousy,” said Mark. “It’s actually known for miles around.”
Maria smiled. Mark always took her side.
“Yes, but it’s not safe. Look what happened to that poor transsexual, right outside the door.”
“Your mother is hell bent on making ‘Chez Maria’ a big success,” Mark smiled at Maria. “And I don’t think there’s much we can do to stop her!”
“Come round and have a coffee.” Maria was on the phone to Mark. “It’s quiet at the moment and I’d love to see you. ….. But it’s safe. All the gangland killers have been put away. Come on, you haven’t had one of my famous cappuccinos in ages. ….Do you have to bring Sam? There’s no need anymore.” But Mark said he wasn’t coming without Sam.
“Sam says, it’s not one hundred per cent safe. When I’m going anywhere in the local area I should still watch out. It’s safer for you to have him there. Anyway, he says he fancies a coffee!”
So, Mark came round to ‘Chez Maria ‘for the first time since the gangland killers had come in. And once again, Sam sat at the door keeping an eye out.
Soon, it had become a daily occurance. Mark would pop down at lunch time and because Sam was working with him building the extension, he was able to come along each time aswell. Maria always had freshly made sandwiches for them and the cake of their choice after they had wolfed them down. Garda Bacon was still under cover, trying to find Anita’s murderer and still wearing bizarrely bright clothes. He didn’t turn up every day and when he did he always looked fed up. Maria told Mark about him, when he came in one day.
“I don’t think he’s cut out for detective work. He’s only interviewed about twenty people and there is a lot more to go.”
“I’d never think of wearing cream trousers with a light blue jumper,” said Mark. “It’s a brave look.”
“Oh, here comes someone who was friendly with Anita that he hasn’t talked to. He’s not going to like it. He normally pops out about now for his chips.”
And sure enough, when Maria went down and whispered in his ear, Garda Bacon put his eyes up to heaven. Both her and Mark stifled their giggles as he went up to approach the suspect.
“Yeah I knew her. What’s it to you, mate?”
“I think he’s in for a bumpy ride,” giggled Maria.
“Could I have a Cappuccino and a slice of carrot cake, dear,” the old lady spoke in a kind of falsetto accent.
“And I’ll have the same, love,” her friend sounded even more peculiar. Her voice was kind of squeaky. As though she had just breathed in a load of helium.
They were both very well built old ladies as well. They were both wearing big thick glasses which practically obscured their faces. The parts of their faces that you could see were very made up, with bright red lipstick on both their lips. This is what Rosie noticed most about them. They both seemed to be the same as each other. Even their hair looked similar, very white with loads of tight curls. When Rosie handed one of them their change, she was surprised to see that she was wearing black gloves. She couldn’t help thinking this was strange seeing as it was the middle of May. They went and sat down with their coffee, one of them going a bit slower as she was carrying a shopping bag that looked very heavy. Rosie soon forgot about them when Garda Bacon arrived up to the counter. “I’ll have another BLT and a coke. And can you bring them down to me.?”
“Sorry, you’ll have to wait while I make the BLT. We’re too busy to bring stuff down to people at the moment.”
Garda Bacon had really being annoying her lately, constantly asking her to bring food down to him. And he always left such a mess on his table. One day he’d even brought his chips in with him and she had had to clean up the ones he let drop on the floor and wipe the ones away that he had left on the table. Maria had said there was nothing they could do seeing as he was a member of a Garda Siochana. Rosie had decided she was going to stand up to him as much as possible in whatever way she could, from now on.
Maria arrived out from the back room.
“Could you make up some sandwiches for Mark and Sam, Rosie. They’re coming in at one. Oh, and don’t leave Garda Bacon standing there. Bring his sandwich down to him.”
Rosie muttered to herself.
“Who are those two over there?” Maria lowered her voice. “They’re a bit strange looking aren’t they?”
“I know, why are they wearing such heavy coats at this time of the year?” The two old ladies had long black wool coats on them down to the ground.
“You‘d think they’d have taken them off when……….. Jesus Rosie, look at her wrist.”
One of the old ladies had picked up her coffee cup and lifted it to her mouth. The sleeve of her coat fell down, revealing her arm as she did so. Her arm was very muscular and very hairy.
“That’s no old lady,” Rosie said slowly. “That’s a man.” The two of them had a good look at the figures in the black coats and then they looked at each other.
“They’re wearing wigs,” said Maria. “It’s obvious they’re not old ladies by the size of them. But why……..?”
“There’s something funny in that shopping bag, “said Rosie. “Is it metal? Can you see it from where you’re standing, Maria?”
“The two were staring back at Maria and Rosie, now. They knew they had been discovered. Suddenly, one of them put their hand in the shopping bag and pulled out the mystery object. It was a machine gun.
“Right everybody, I want you all to stay where you are and don’t move.” He cut a grotesque figure with his white curly haired wig and his bright red lipstick painted crudely on to his mouth. As it was coming up to lunch time, there were quite a few people in the coffee shop. There was a few horrified gasps, a few stifled sobs and a few people who hadn’t noticed the gun man, who continued on talking. “May I have your attention, please,” he spoke as though he was addressing a rally of some kind. “Will everybody stop what they are doing? Put their hands on the table. Nobody’s gonna get hurt if they do what they’re told.”
By now, everyone realised what was going on and an outraged murmur was spreading through the coffee shop. Maria was trying to send a text message on her mobile phone under the counter but the gunman was on to her.
“I said put your hands where I can see them, bitch,” he spat at her. “We don’t want you warning your boyfriend, do we? We don’t want to ruin the surprise.”
“You’re here to get Mark, aren’t you,” the horrific realisation had dawned on Maria. “Yeah, we’re working for the Johnsons. We’re under strict instructions to blow your boyfriend brains out and we always follow strict instructions to the letter. We came in here under cover to do the job quietly, but now you’ve spotted us, things are going to have to be done the hard way.” He stood up and pointed the gun at all the terrified customers. “See this, I’m not afraid to use it, Okay?”
About ten minutes passed. The gunman had sat down at the table nearest the counter with his gun casually placed on the table beside him. He had been staring at Maria the whole time, in an attempt to intimidate her. His accomplice patrolled the coffee shop to make sure nobody was trying any funny business, as he called it.
“Get your hand out of there, now, right?” he walked up to a woman who had been searching in her handbag and put his face right up to her. He was still wearing the long coat but had taken off the wig and his shaved head contrasting with the heavy make-up and bright red lipstick conspired to make him look very threatening.
“I’m s s sorry. I was just looking for a tissue.”
“Well fucking don’t, right?”
Maria was starting to panic . Mark was due in in a few minutes. In a fit of desperation, she tried pleading with the gunman.
“Mark’s a decent person,” she said. “It’s not his fault he witnessed a murder.”
“He shoulda kept out of it shouldn’t he?” was the answer. “And for that, the bollox is going to pay the price.”
He gestured to his accomplice to look out the window.
“We should be arriving for coffee soon” He grinned evilly at Maria. It was obvious they had been keeping track of Mark’s movements.
Maria was crying now silently, big tears falling down her face. Rosie took her hand in hers.
His accomplice nodded at him then.
“Here they are,” he said almost softly.
The gunman got up and started walking towards the door, however, to everyone’s amazement, he tripped before he could get there and fell flat on his face, his gun flying out of his hand on to the floor , just as Sam walked in. Sam very casually picked up the gun and pointed it at the figure lying on the floor.
“Lost something?” he asked.
“And where do you think you’re rushing off to?” Mark came in just in time to grab hold of the other long coated figure, who was attempting to escape out the door.
“Somebody ring the guards.” Sam had his two captives sitting on a chair with the machine gun firmly pointed at them. Maria was crying hysterically. Mark took her in to his arms.
“It’s alright now,”he said.
“What I don’t understand is how he tripped up that time,” Rosie was saying.
“You can thank me for that,” and to everyone’s amazement a large figure suddenly popped up from underneath the table near the door. “Oh no, look at my cream trousers, they’ve marks alI over them.” He grabbed a serviette and started rubbing furiously. “I tripped him up with my leg.”
“Garda Bacon! It was you.” Rosie laughed. “But what were you doing under the table in the first place?”
“Well, I was eh…looking for something under the table, when those boyos walked in. I thought to myself, it might be a strategic move to stay hidden. And I was right …eh?”
“You of course, weren’t hiding from them, being an officer of the law?” asked Sam with a slight sneer in his voice.
“Of course not,” said Garda Bacon but his face was starting to go red.
“Leave Garda Bacon alone, Sam,” said Mark. After all, he’s certainly saved my bacon today!”
Novels and novellas
The Coffee shop chapts. 5&6 - It gets funnier(I hope!)
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The Coffee shop chapts. 5&6 - It gets funnier(I hope!)
by joant » Mon Jul 18, 2011 10:12 pm
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Re: The Coffee shop chapts. 5&6 - It gets funnier(I hope!)
by fellpony » Tue Jul 19, 2011 3:51 am
First of all - you've posted the whole of this twice here.
Second - murdered bodies with parts cut off can be comic, but funny usually isn't realistic. It is incongruous, witty, silly. This isn't. It's shocking, but quite realistic.
Third - as I've said before, it's actually pretty good as straight fiction. It's readable and entertaining. Just stop telling us it's meant to be funny.
Second - murdered bodies with parts cut off can be comic, but funny usually isn't realistic. It is incongruous, witty, silly. This isn't. It's shocking, but quite realistic.
Third - as I've said before, it's actually pretty good as straight fiction. It's readable and entertaining. Just stop telling us it's meant to be funny.
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Art begins with craft, and there is no art until craft has been mastered. Anthony Burgess
Art begins with craft, and there is no art until craft has been mastered. Anthony Burgess
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fellpony - Posts: 151
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Re: The Coffee shop chapts. 5&6 - It gets funnier(I hope!)
by joant » Tue Jul 19, 2011 9:51 am
Sorry about posting it twice. My copying and pasting skills need brushing up. I suppose the humour is meant to be in the ridiculous plot, all the crazy things that are happening. However if people find it entertaining, I'm happy enough with that!
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Re: The Coffee shop chapts. 5&6 - It gets funnier(I hope!)
by Sue » Tue Jul 19, 2011 11:14 am
Joan, half the point of a novel is that the things in it are not "quite" what we'd see in real life. If any of us wrote a story about "real" life that was absolutely faithful to everyday experience it would be so pedestrian as to be unreadable; unless it went into the deep and murky depths of psychology.
Any story that gives us the gut feeling that it will have an upbeat ending (as yours does, despite the murder in this section) is technically comedy as opposed to tragedy. But laugh-out-loud "comic" writing requires a mind that can see the surreal and connect the unexpected. Success is the rear end of a tap-dancing pantomime cow. viewtopic.php?f=6&t=5 [tamper]; Steptoe and Son do Ready Steady Cook http://oldsite.greatwriting.co.uk/conte ... /10914/80/ [fellpony]. Passport to Macadamia http://oldsite.greatwriting.co.uk/index ... &Itemid=77 [coosh]. All gunners stand on one leg and lean eastward [Spike Milligan].
Any story that gives us the gut feeling that it will have an upbeat ending (as yours does, despite the murder in this section) is technically comedy as opposed to tragedy. But laugh-out-loud "comic" writing requires a mind that can see the surreal and connect the unexpected. Success is the rear end of a tap-dancing pantomime cow. viewtopic.php?f=6&t=5 [tamper]; Steptoe and Son do Ready Steady Cook http://oldsite.greatwriting.co.uk/conte ... /10914/80/ [fellpony]. Passport to Macadamia http://oldsite.greatwriting.co.uk/index ... &Itemid=77 [coosh]. All gunners stand on one leg and lean eastward [Spike Milligan].
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Sue - Posts: 212
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Re: The Coffee shop chapts. 5&6 - It gets funnier(I hope!)
by joant » Tue Jul 19, 2011 1:10 pm
Thanks for the tips and the attachments which were very funny.Have a few more chapters of my work to post. Hope they continue to entertain.
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5 posts
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