DELETED Henry (Z scene)

[Ergo Proxy]

DELETED

[Nick]

I love the idea that Zombies (errr i mean the living impaired) are trying to intigrate into society. The whole story could just be a metaphor for the struggle of minorities.

It was the little touches that help this story immensely - the 'Odor Neutralizer' and the scene with him getting dressed for school - funny and bizarre.

Are you planning to make this novel length?

Nick

[kelvinman]

where can i get a medical billing software at?

[kanasta]

Great! Like Nick, I also really enjoyed the details of Henry getting ready for school - funny, sad and a bit disgusting too.
One thing I wonder about this - are your zombies TOO human? I feel there should be more differentiation to them - as it is, Henry seems no different to any ostracised teen. His body's clearly dead, but has he lost anything more intangible? Has he still got a soul? (if they exist in your novel's world). Does he dream? Have his thought processes changed?
Maybe the message is that zombies are still human, but I think there would be greater tensions in the story if there was something a little stranger about them than just their physical state.
Katy

[Jim]

As a new user I notice that there are very few reviews/replies posted, in fact only 0.02% of views have been replied to.
As I guess the most important feature of this site is feedback, it is failing in its objective to "allow others to offer advice and constructive criticism"
So, if I read a piece I will provide feedback, whether I like it or not.
It is too frustrating spending time compiling a story and getting no feedback at all.

Did I read it all: No.

Not my cup of tea.

[Ergo Proxy]

Thank you Nick for the kind, encouraging words. Yes, I’m tying these stories into a novel.

Thank you, kanasta, for pointing out one of the flaws in my characters. I want zombies to be relatable, but you are correct: they also must somehow stand apart from the living, not just physically, but emotionally, spiritually and perhaps culturally, as well. It is a difficult problem that I am still working on. I will try to keep your comment in mind as I develop the zombie characters.

[kanasta]

It is a difficult one isn't it? In my mind, the zombies have an emptiness that they don't quite understand. They've lost something but it's not clear what. They crave brains because there's maybe something in there that will give them back the spark, and they can feel human again, if only temporarily. The horrible irony is that by trying to cling onto their humanity and eating microwaved cow brains, they will never get that, and the 'civilised' zombies become more and more listless and emotionless. Only the zombies who eat fresh human brains feel truly alive, but because it feels so good, it can become an addiction that takes over and turns them into rampaging animals.
Maybe not the route you want to go down, so just my thoughts...

[Ergo Proxy]

Thank you for commenting on the credibility (or lack thereof) of my zombies. I've forsaken them of late for humans. So, as a result of your comments I looked online for some professional zombie material for inspiration, in order to breathe life into them, and found about 5 or 6 zombie journals, thesis papers, and the like, written by Neurobiologists, Psychiatrists, advanced degree mathematicians, etc. Gave me alot of material for inspiration. I had no idea so many scientists, mathematicians and physicians were seriously interested in publishing works based on such fictitious, hypothetical issues. Thanks!