first go at this...

[laney]

the end of love

[Ben Allen]

I was on my way to comment on something else but saw this and checked it out.

Stopped me in my tracks.
Nothing else to say.


I had a little think about this and what made it work so well.
Short sentences and simplicity, saying what needs to be said and no more. No confusion for the reader, this is it, this is how it is, end of.

I'm not much of a critic so all I can say is that this work reached out and caught me.

[Tessadragon]

I wish I could fairly review this, but only a few days ago I found out that a friend had been bullied by her boyfriend for 4 years (she lives in another country so I could only ever talk to her online really, met her twice, met the guy once). I found out how complex a psychological a process it is, how a man's behaviour can work. He guilted her during the nice behaviour phase so that he could get access to her bank accounts then began taking money out to fund his poker and cannabis addictions. He isolated her from her friends and family so he'd have her to himself, then he began treating her like a servant. Then he became violent and threw things at her, knocked her out once. She has left him, and he is trying to pin the cost of 1500+ bills on her and has taken everything expensive that she paid for, and left her 1000+ in debt. It scares and horrifies me that a person could be so cruel and could have pretended to be so nice to everyone else.

[laney]

Thank you for your comments on the content of this piece....Domestic abuse is an emotive and complex subject and not one I have written about lightly.

Thank you for commenting on the writing. That was encouraging for a first timer

[Deborahhambrook]

This came across as real and I feel that you covered well, many of the emotions attached to the subject, eg. guilt, shame, etc. - and why it is difficult to leave. For some reason, I almost found it hard to read, (just me, not the writing), but I think the style fits the subject well.

Deb x

[Sproutmuncher]

Very good. The pace from start to finish was just right.
I particularly liked the journey from babys room, down the stairs and out the door. The build up of tension was perfect, my heart was in my mouth.

Matt