Triolet to a barmaid

[Brett]

Removed for submission.

Appreciate the comments.

[Messiah]

WARNING: MESSIANIC COMMENT

The first barmaid I dated went on to become a nurse: Birthday and Christmas, all rolled up together in one bed-bouncing bosomy bundle!
Gift wrapped and gorgeous, in emergency room blue, the only problem with her was that she kept glancing down at her little watch and shouting, ''ten millilitres semen, stat.''
My second - and last - barmaid remained behind the bar for the duration of our romance (but only when she was on duty, you understand) and dealt only in shorts, large ones and pints. By the time that we parted company, I swear my barrel was all but empty.
It was then that I called last orders on my dalliances with drink dispensing damsels and settled for a young lady who worked at Burger King. Never was their ''Have It Your Way'' mission statement more rigorously tested.


Yes, Brett, there will always be another – for where would we six-pint-glasses, bear-swilling lechers be without them?

[Phil]

I've only dabbled with one barmaid - but what a dabble!

What's that thing they say on the BBC? 'Other barmaids are available'.

Enjoyed this, as much for its form as its wit.

Phil

[silvershoes]

Ah. was chatted up quite a few times when I was a barmaid. But then I was young. And did once get taken on a date by the barman from my favourite pub ever. He used to give me and my friends free bacon fries. (obv didn't fancy me enough to supply free pints though!)

but the poem Brett... thought it was lovely, tightly written but easily read, and had a gentle lyricism to it. I liked the line "lather your hair to a Guinness of foam", and particularly liked the sense that it was the bar, as much as the maid that is the attraction.

Emma

[patterjack]

I think I have mentioned to you in private conversation, Brett, that I have a bit of a thing against triolets-- blame Austen Dobson ! But this is a very likeable effort.

In company with three friends on a memorable bender back in 1947, which was engaged in against both university regulations and the drinking laws of the time, I remember confessing to the barmaid that it was my ambition to write a novel about *the private life of a barmaid*. Fortunately it has never eventuated, nor even been attempted.
Sorry for the personal approach here, but I follow precedent.
And I did like the verse.

[Sue]

Glad this one settled on a final form for that Guinness line!

[Swampy Bob]

Brett,

I always feel a bit uncomfortable writing a review on such a great piece,as I'm usually at a loss at what to say. I don't know very much at all about form or style of poetry,but I know what I like,and I liked this.

Nice one,

S.B

[Brett]

Thanks for the comments.

Steve - only 10ml of semen, only 6 pints of beer? Truly you are not the son of God.

Phil - you must tell further of that dabble. See you soon.

Emma - thank you, glad you liked that line.

Brian - I don't recall you saying you disliked the form. There are some fine examples by Wendy Cope. I've confessed many things to barmaids in the past, but my aspirations have rarely been literary ones

Sue - Thanks.

Swampy - No need to feel uncomfortable, glad to know you rate it. If you'd like to know more about form it isn't daunting. Try here to start:
http://www.volecentral.co.uk/vf/

Hwyl fawr

Brett

[Ben Allen]

Hi Brett,

Trotting along behind everyone else on this, reasons being that first I had to find out what a triolet was, then I had to capitalise each line which finally allowed me to find the rhythm after a few more readings.
(Nothing to with your writing, everything to do with my lack of knowledge)

After all that I decided that I liked the poem and the form

All in all a pleasant discovery and one that I might take a crack at myself.

Cheers
Ben

[Brett]

Thank you for your comments, Ben, much appreciated.

I'm interested to know why capitalising each line helped with the rhythm - think you've lost me there.

Why not have a dabble with the form - or many others? Enjoy.

Hwyl fawr

Brett