Thick as a brick.
Misunderstood.
Alas a teenage daughter
Got in the family way,
Such they are the times
What more can you say.
It was getting near her time
But still she wanted out,
To the pub or just the pictures
She didn"t mind being stout.
Then one night it happened
While she was all alone,
Nature took Her course
She fumbled for the phone.
The time was nearly midnight
It was dad who was awoken
'Can you come and get me,
I think my waters broken.'
'Okay' shouts her dad
'tell me where you are,
You just say the place
I"ll go get the car."
He jumped up out of bed
Put slippers on his feet
'Where are you ringing from?'
'From my knickers to my feet.'
Poetry
Thick as a brick
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6 posts
• Page 1 of 1
Thick as a brick
by The Bender » Tue Mar 13, 2012 12:27 pm
From the top of this wood i feel cross.
"My own experience has been that the tools I need for my trade are paper, tobacco, food, and a little whisky."
-William Faulkner
"My own experience has been that the tools I need for my trade are paper, tobacco, food, and a little whisky."
-William Faulkner
- The Bender
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Tue Mar 13, 2012 11:58 am
Re: Thick as a brick
by Deborahhambrook » Wed Mar 14, 2012 2:18 am
I think it's quite fun how you've used the punchline of a joke, and turned it into a poem, but the rhythm needs some work, I feel.
Deb x
Deb x
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Re: Thick as a brick
by The Bender » Wed Mar 14, 2012 8:47 pm
Thank you for your comment, most of my work could do with a good edit!
Cheers.
Cheers.
From the top of this wood i feel cross.
"My own experience has been that the tools I need for my trade are paper, tobacco, food, and a little whisky."
-William Faulkner
"My own experience has been that the tools I need for my trade are paper, tobacco, food, and a little whisky."
-William Faulkner
- The Bender
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Tue Mar 13, 2012 11:58 am
Re: Thick as a brick
by Brett » Wed Mar 14, 2012 9:12 pm
Hullo.
Sorry to say I felt this a bad telling of an old (but usually funny) joke. I think humorous verse needs to be as original as possible, otherwise the punchline will be seen by the reader long before getting there.
I don't think the rich rhyme ('feet'/'feet') helps much either.
Sorry to seem so negative.
Hwyl fawr
Brett
Sorry to say I felt this a bad telling of an old (but usually funny) joke. I think humorous verse needs to be as original as possible, otherwise the punchline will be seen by the reader long before getting there.
I don't think the rich rhyme ('feet'/'feet') helps much either.
Sorry to seem so negative.
Hwyl fawr
Brett
- Brett
- Posts: 274
- Joined: Fri Apr 22, 2011 5:56 pm
Re: Thick as a brick
by Swampy Bob » Wed Mar 14, 2012 9:26 pm
Hi Bender,
I have never heard this joke before (I live a very sheltered life), and I found it very funny.The rhyme and rhythm does need work and I feel that you rushed it a bit to get to the punchline. All in all though I liked the idea behind this.
P.S Are you Uri Geller?
S,B
I have never heard this joke before (I live a very sheltered life), and I found it very funny.The rhyme and rhythm does need work and I feel that you rushed it a bit to get to the punchline. All in all though I liked the idea behind this.
P.S Are you Uri Geller?
S,B
"All you need in this life are ignorance and confidence,he will by and by convince himself that war is just, and will thank God for the better sleep,let us be thankful for the fools.but for them the rest of us could not succeed".
-
Swampy Bob - Posts: 86
- Joined: Thu May 05, 2011 6:12 pm
- Location: Cloud Cuckoo Land.
Re: Thick as a brick
by The Bender » Wed Mar 14, 2012 9:36 pm
Thank you Brett,there is no such thing as a negative comment, we would get nowhere if everyone had the same opinion and didn"t pass on thoughts and ideas so cheers.
Am i Uri Geller?
I wish!
Am i Uri Geller?
I wish!
From the top of this wood i feel cross.
"My own experience has been that the tools I need for my trade are paper, tobacco, food, and a little whisky."
-William Faulkner
"My own experience has been that the tools I need for my trade are paper, tobacco, food, and a little whisky."
-William Faulkner
- The Bender
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Tue Mar 13, 2012 11:58 am
6 posts
• Page 1 of 1