Poetry
TIME WILL BE (Poem)
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* In the interests of fairness, please do not post more than 3 pieces of your own work at any one time.
* Responses / reviews / critiques should be posted under the work to which they refer. Detailed criticism and suggestions are welcome. However, rewriting someone's work is bad form, unless the writer has requested it.
* Discussions of other matters should be posted in the ChitChat, Off Topic or Writers' Craft forums.
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TIME WILL BE (Poem)
by SylvesterG » Sat Mar 24, 2012 6:35 pm
Removed for editing
Last edited by SylvesterG on Mon May 21, 2012 4:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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SylvesterG - Posts: 1
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Re: TIME WILL BE (Poem)
by The Bender » Mon Mar 26, 2012 8:30 pm
Glad to see you focused on the positives of Time!
Quite a startling poem though and i suppose even a bit
controversial and i do like that last stanza, how true it is.
Enjoyed.
Quite a startling poem though and i suppose even a bit
controversial and i do like that last stanza, how true it is.
Enjoyed.
From the top of this wood i feel cross.
"My own experience has been that the tools I need for my trade are paper, tobacco, food, and a little whisky."
-William Faulkner
"My own experience has been that the tools I need for my trade are paper, tobacco, food, and a little whisky."
-William Faulkner
- The Bender
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- Rat-Face
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Re: TIME WILL BE (Poem)
by Lordspudz » Fri Mar 30, 2012 2:24 pm
Liked it. It's got a nice, easy flow and a succinct message.
My only gripe, which is only my opinion, is the attempted rhyming of 'rape' and 'trade.' otherwise, good work.
My only gripe, which is only my opinion, is the attempted rhyming of 'rape' and 'trade.' otherwise, good work.
Of all the words available, which is the right one?
- Lordspudz
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- Location: Norfolk, UK
Re: TIME WILL BE (Poem)
by SylvesterG » Fri Mar 30, 2012 8:49 pm
You are absolutely right about the problem with rape/trade. It isn’t good. I struggled long to find better but failed and posted the poem anyway. Actually, I wrote the original version of it some ten years ago and rewrote it from memory for GW. I don’t keep copies of my writings, they are not good enough to preserve them for posterity. And in any case, as Hemingway famously said of Ezra Pound when the latter was sanctioned after the war, “Sure he is crazy. All poets are crazy,” and I must have had one of my crazy moments when I decided to recreate the poem.
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SylvesterG - Posts: 1
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5 posts
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